


High Probability is not a Guarantee

by Daughter_of_a_fangirl



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Adoption, Alpha Lila Barton, Alpha Natasha Romanov, Alpha Steve Rogers, Angst, Bottom Tony Stark, Canon What Canon?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff, Friends to Friends With Benefits to Lovers, Gen, Heats, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) Lives, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Jealous Steve Rogers, Jealous Tony Stark, Kinks, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Neutral Thor Odinson, Omega Clint Barton, Omega Tony Stark, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Use, Past Relationships, Possessive Steve Rogers, Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Protective Steve Rogers, Safewords, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sneaky Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Top Steve Rogers, Trust Issues, a/b/o dynamics, all of the angst, all of the kinks, fix it kinda, post Age of Ultron, suppression, talks about Consent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 68,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21855520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daughter_of_a_fangirl/pseuds/Daughter_of_a_fangirl
Summary: "It seems to me, that love could be labeled poison and we'd drink it anyway."Tony Stark is a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. He's Iron Man. He's an Avenger. He's a total disaster. He knows damn well not to let himself get attached to someone who'll leave. But Steve Rogers' sole purpose of existence seems to be becoming one of the few exceptions to that rule.Steve Rogers is a soldier out of his time. He's Captain America. He's the leader of the Avengers. He's head over heels for a certain brown-eyed Omega. He knows without a shadow of a doubt that Tony Stark is out of his league, but he can't help but try to get his attention.
Relationships: Clint Barton/OMC, Past Tiberius Stone/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & James 'Rhodey' Rhodes, Tony Stark & Pepper Potts, implied/referenced Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanoff, past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 142





	1. Misinterpretation

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thank you for clicking on this fic. Second of all, I didn't write this alone. My platonic soulmate is collaborating with me (I don't know her account or if she even has an account on here so yeah). Third of all, this is a roller coaster of angst and fluff so strap in.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Misinterpretation is the most deadly of human sins."  
> -Lester del Rey

Steve was starting to get pretty good at navigating the modern world. By his standards anyway. He was certain the others would disagree. Clint would give him looks when Steve asked for help, they weren't looks of annoyance per se, but rather looks of surprise. Probably because Steve was struggling with things even toddlers could understand. Natasha would roll her eyes but was usually somewhat helpful. Thor was just as clueless as him. Banner was patient, but he explained everything using analogies and terms that completely baffled the Alpha. Tony was, by far, the worst. He had the most comprehensive knowledge of technology, so one would think he'd be the best at explaining how it worked and how to use it. But no. Tony sucked at it. He was impatient in his explanation and ruthless in his insults.

He'd huff and scoff and roll his eyes whenever Steve dared to ask him for help. It was usually accompanied by scathing remarks and mocking tones. Steve tried to not ask Tony for help as much as humanly possible as a result.

On the bright side, Steve almost had the basics of the TV remote down pat. He didn't have problems with the volume anymore and the buttons that practically did nothing didn't bother him anymore. Changing channels was still a struggle at times, but that was because he normally didn't bother changing it. He preferred to just leave it on the channel it was already on.

Steve didn't necessarily care for the television itself, or the shows on it. But rather the background noise it provided. Background noise was a modern amenity Steve thoroughly enjoyed. Sure, the forties has background noise, but not as readily available. You had to mess with the radio for fifteen minutes and even then the station would still be full of static more often than not. Here, he could literally just ask JARVIS to play some quiet relaxing music if he so desired. He liked background noise, it calmed him. If it was quiet, his thoughts would fill the empty void of silence. He would usually sit in the common area with the TV on at a low volume and either read or draw

The Alpha preferred the common room because it allowed him to have some downtime while being in the perfect position to check on the others. If Banner walked in looking worse for wear, Steve could pester the Beta into taking a nap or eating something before going back down to the lab to help Tony with whatever it was they did. Or if Natasha and Clint passed through on their way to the kitchen for a cup of coffee after an all-night sparring session. Or when Thor came by in a bad mood because he was worried about Loki or had a fight with Jane. The worst- as it seemed with everything- was Tony. For a guy who invited everyone to live with him, he didn't seem very friendly. He was like a wraith, disappearing into his lab for days on end without sleeping and living off of coffee. He'd come up at four in the morning to make scrambled eggs or heat up leftover pizza before going back into his lab. Whenever Tony did make a daytime appearance, it was usually because of Rhodey and Pepper or something to do with his company.

He normally looked like a zombie covered in grease when he came up, but by the time he left, he looked like he had gotten eight hours of sleep. (He normally only took about a half-hour to get ready.) Anytime Steve tried to ask Tony how he was doing, he'd get a sarcastic remark and a flash of annoyance and anger in the inventor's brown eyes.

As if the Alpha's thoughts had summoned him, Tony trudged into the room, yawning and grumbling about something. As he walked by Steve caught a whiff of something distinctly  _ Omega. _ And it wasn't the "I just slept with an Omega" scent. But the unmistakable sweet scent that only an Omega could give off.

But… that didn't make sense, Tony was a Beta, wasn't he? Or at least, Steve assumed Tony was a Beta. Call him old-fashioned, but Steve was used to Omega being homebodies. Not owners of multi-billion dollar companies and a superhero to boot.

Plus, Tony didn't act like an Omega- he was loud and obnoxious and arrogant. Not to mention the guy sometimes had to gall to behave the way an Alpha normally would. He was frustrating too. His blatant disrespect would've never flown in the forties. Especially since he was- apparently- an Omega.

Tony pulled out a pill bottle Steve instantly recognized at heat suppressants.That explained why Steve hadn't picked up his scent before. Suppressants were notorious for dulling an Omega's scent.

Then it hit him like a freight train.

Tony was an Omega. Loud, obnoxious, frustrating, pretentious, arrogant Tony was an Omega. 

_ He's also attractive, funny, smart- whoa, there, Steve, you're getting ahead of yourself.  _ Sure, Steve had always been painfully aware of how cute Tony was. Even if the billionaire had been an Alpha, Steve still would've been attracted to Tony.

Schoolyard crush aside, Tony was an honest-to-god Omega. The guy who apparently revolutionized advanced weaponry, sassed the entirety of the U.S. government, told Congress no in the snarkiest way possible, and so much more was an Omega!

"-eve, buddy, Cap, Capsicle? Earth to Capsicle, come in Capsicle," Tony was saying while snapping in front of Steve’s face.

"Huh?" Steve said, blinking in confusion.

"You've been staring at the wall for the past fifteen minutes," Tony replied, plopping down next to Steve, his scent washing over the Alpha, confirming that yes, Tony was an Omega. In case there was any doubt. "Normally you're just full of questions when I show up."

"Just lost in thought, I guess," Steve answered, trying to ignore how high his voice was, even to his own ears.

"And what's the great Captain America thinking about?" Tony asked. Steve couldn't figure out why Tony was suddenly so interested in having a conversation, but his inner Alpha was preening at the fact that Tony might actually be warming up to him a little. The Omega had just chosen the worst time in history. Honestly, D-day would've been more convenient.

Steve shrugged, mind reeling with excuses- lies really- ways of how to answer, “Uhh, art deco?”

"Alright. You can do whatever with your floor, but before you do anything in the common area just make sure to run it by everyone else, kay?" Tony replied with a slight chuckle. "I don't need Barton up my ass because he doesn't like the daisy painting you put up or whatever."

Steve rolled his eyes, trying to ignore Tony’s smell, which was odd to think, “Daisies aren’t my thing. Or really art deco for that matter from what I’ve heard.”

Tony shrugged. "Well, I know jack-shit about art deco so…" 

Steve coughed uncomfortably, shifting on the couch. Damn scent. "You know, it shows."

Tony laughed. “I’m sure it does.” he clapped Steve on the shoulder. “Welp, I’ve gotta get back to work, I have a deadline coming up fast and I doubt Pepper would accept ‘I talked to Captain America instead of working’ as a viable excuse, see ya.” He got up and sauntered out of the room, leaving Steve behind with his head spinning like a top.

"Bye," Steve muttered to the empty air, breathing a sigh of relief and burying his head in his hands. How had he not known Tony was an Omega!? And what the hell did he do now that he did know?

He needed to talk to someone about this. Preferably someone who wouldn’t judge him or tell anyone.

《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》

Steve poked his head into the training room, Natasha was currently at the shooting range, emptying round after round of bullets onto the wall of targets in front of her.

“Natasha?” Steve called out during the millisecond it took the assassin to reload.

"Yeah?" Nat asked without looking, disassembling the gun she held.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" Steve asked sheepishly. Even just thinking about the whole mess made his cheeks heat up.

"I guess if It's just one moment," Nat replied.

"Okay, so I may or may not have been unaware that Tony was an Omega and just realized that fact," Steve said quickly, looking at the ground the second the words were out.

After a long silence, he looked up, nervous about how quiet she was, only to see her lips turned down in a way that suggested suppressed laughter. "Really? You didn't know?" She asked, her tone even.

“No,” Steve admitted, “but in my defense, he doesn’t come across as an Omega.”

"No, he doesn't," Nat agreed. "So why's it bugging you?"

Steve sighed. "I don't know. It's just… it's just a shock, I guess?"

"And?" Nat prompted.

“And it seriously caught me off guard,” Steve said, knowing damn well what Nat was fishing for and not sure he wanted to give her the satisfaction of being right.

"So? Why let it bug you so much?" Nat asked, turning back to her gun to reassemble it.

“Because I should’ve known?” Steve answered, wincing at the false note in his voice. He was caught and there was no way Nat would let this go.

"How? Why?" Nat asked in her usual casual tone.

Steve opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out, leaving him a sputtering mess as he tried to come up uwith an excuse.

"Words please," Nat said in a condescending way.

“Okay! So I think Tony is cute and funny and smart and all that shit. So the fact that I didn’t notice that Tony was an Omega bugs me because I’ve been trying to get to know him,” Steve blurted out, unable to stop the sudden word vomit. “None of it matters! Not really, Tony has a girlfriend, remember?”

Nat snickered, "so you don't know they broke up then?"

Steve looked up at her in surprise. “What?”

"They broke up," Nat said slowly. "Couple months ago. They wanted to keep the break up quiet."

“Oh…” Steve said sheepishly. “That explains why Tony has been spending even more time in the lab than before.”

"Yeeaahh," Nat agreed in a duh tone.

Steve ran his hand through his hair. “That- that changes things.”

"How so?" Nat asked innocently.

Steve gave her a look. “I thought Tony was in a relationship, that’s why I’ve been trying to keep my distance so I didn’t do anything stupid or reckless.”

"Well now you don't have to," Nat said as if it were obvious.

Steve thought for a moment before replying. "I guess not, but…"

"But?" Nat prompted.

“But what if he doesn’t feel the same way?” Steve asked, feeling a little (i.e. a lot) like a schoolkid experiencing their first crush.

"Then move on, dumb ass," Nat replied.

Steve nodded. "It sounds obvious when you say it."

"Really? I hadn't noticed," Nat deadpanned.

Steve buried his face in his hands. “I’m trying my best here.”

"Sorry," Nat replied.

"It's fine, it's fine," Steve assured her, lifting his head.

"Do whatcha gonna do now that you know?" Nat asked smugly. "I can give you tips on how to hook up with Tony."

Steve sputtered. "I- I don't know! He barely even says two words to me on a regular basis. How am I supposed to "hook up" with him- whatever that means- if he won't talk to me?"

"Hooking up means that you have sex," Nat explained. "And trust me, Tony's interested."

“He- he is? I mean, um, uh, I- uh,” Steve stammered, his face heating up. “I’m- I just- I really don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Nat smirked, "have fun figuring it out then."

Steve groaned, “it’s going to slowly kill me if I’m being honest.”

Nat laughed. “Well, I’ll come to your funeral when that happens, Cap.”


	2. The One Thing That Can't Be Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what you can't change."  
> -Marcandangel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you homo sapiens had a Merry Christmas! I'm super excited to post the second chapter of High Probability. This has been a little passion project of mine for a while, it's a wild ride of emotions and general hilarity. Thank you so much for reading it.

Tony hadn’t understood what it was at first. He had been young and naïve and unaware of the cruelty of the world, so he hadn’t understood why his own father was so cold to him. He didn’t understand the unwritten rules of society that deemed him lesser than everyone else in some cruel twist of fate. He hadn’t understood why the other kids at school got the bigger portions, His mom wouldn’t look him in the eye whenever he asked. As a result, he had learned not to ask such questions, it only ever upset her.

He had wanted to learn though, he had always wanted to learn, it was in his blood, his very soul. This natural curiosity- no, this hunger- inside of him, forever gnawing away at him, this inexplicable, insatiable  _ need _ to know. So he had asked teachers and pretty much any other adult who would give him the time of day. And, for better or worse, he had learned the reason behind it all.

_ Omega. _

That’s what they said, like it was some curse, some horrible disease, something that deserved pitying looks. Tony quickly became accustomed to the close-lipped smile whenever he asked the all-important question:  _ Why. Why is being an Omega such a bad thing? _

They’d all smile their close-lipped smile and pat him on the head. They’d smile without teeth and tell him “that’s just the way things are.” Then they’d nod their heads and walk away, as if they had done some good in the world.

There was only one person who had ever told him something worth listening to. He had been an aging African-American man with a little drug store that sold little chocolates with red wrappers that Tony had adored. He had sat the ten-year-old down and said:

“Because they think you’re inferior to them, now don’t you believe them for a second. Understand? People will tell you that’s just the way things are because they don’t like change. So don’t you dare forget that just because that’s the way things are doesn’t mean it’s the way things should be.”

Tony hadn’t quite understood what he had meant then, just that it had meant something, and it had been everything to a ten-year-old boy.

Even with his new understanding of why people treated him the way they did, he still had one massive question with no hope of an answer.

_ Why did Dad treat him the way he did? _

Cold detachment and insidious threats was all Tony knew from his father, and it didn’t make sense. Shouldn’t Dad love him anyway? Even if he was an Omega and everyone thought that meant something bad. It didn’t make sense, not until he was older anyway.

At twelve, it all clicked into place. Howard Stark had wanted an Alpha, but Tony was an Omega. Therefore, Tony wasn’t part of that perfect life Howard wanted, so he was treated with detachment. At first the realization had filled the preteen with hopelessness that he would never be enough, then the anger swept the despair away like a wave swept away the sand.

Of all the things to be disappointed about, it had to be the one thing he couldn’t change. If he wasn’t smart enough, he could’ve studied harder. If he wasn’t strong enough, he could’ve worked out. Whatever it took, he could’ve changed, but no. The one thing he couldn’t change was what Howard and the rest of the world said was his greatest fault. And it made him angry. He was so much more than an Omega, he had personality, character, intelligence, hopes and dreams just like everyone else! So why? Why did they have to stop at what he was without noticing  _ who  _ he was.

Didn’t he  _ deserve  _ to be judged by his actions, not by what the universe had set on his shoulders?

He had, of course, learned to channel his anger through his studies, and later, his work. It had become second nature to hide in his lab whenever he was upset, to pour his emotions into his creations. So it was no surprise that after Pepper had ended things Tony found himself in his lab more often than not, working until he passed out from exhaustion, but even with the distraction, Tony knew exactly how long it had been since the break up.

Three months, two weeks, four days, eight hours and twelve minutes. Each second was counted with every breath. He wasn’t happy that it happened, but what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t trap Pepper in a relationship that didn’t make her happy, that was the exact opposite of what love was supposed to be. It was helping and giving, not trapping and using. It was allowing someone to be free and happy even if it broke your heart. The expression, “If you love her, let her go,” didn’t do justice. It didn't explain how it felt to watch the only person who would ever be able to love you walk away. He didn't think any words could be nailed to that feeling. The knowledge that the only chance at happiness had been ripped from him no matter how tightly he clung to it. The physical pain that went hand in hand with it.

Tony set the wrench to the side, unable to focus on his project any longer. He buried his face in his hands. How was he supposed to handle this? What did he have to do to get past this? He sighed, going over to his workbench/mini wet bar to grab the tequila. It was that kind of night. He had been having a lot of those kinds of nights lately. Wonder why? He considered being somewhat dignified and grabbing a glass but ultimately decided against it. Fuck it, straight from the bottle it was. He really wasn’t all that worried about someone judging him based on how he was drinking alcohol anyway. It’s not like anyone came down to the lab anymore anyway. There was a part of him that almost wished someone would show up, just to say hi or something. But the rest of him wanted to be left to his own devices so no one saw him this way. Probably better they left him alone. He didn’t want to burden them with his problems. So it was best to keep them at arm’s length.

“Hey, J? Could you turn up the music? I don’t think China can hear it yet,” Tony called out randomly.

“Perhaps you should join the others,” JARVIS suggested as dryly as the AI was able.

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have programmed you to have sass,” Tony shot back.

“That might have helped,” the AI replied calmly.

Tony sighed and took a swig from the bottle in his hand. “What’s the point of going upstairs anyway? I’ve got everything I need right here.”

“Do I need to remind that it has been forty-eight hours since you have had human interaction?” JARVIS said.

“Eh, who needs humans when you have robots?” Tony said with a shrug, patting Dum-E’s arm to emphasize his point.

“Homo sapiens need companions and social interaction to survive,” JARVIS stated.

Tony sighed. “I interact enough. I’m not going crazy from human-deprivation. You’re practically human, so it's fine.”

“No it is not,” Jarvis said. “Shall I get Captain Rogers to come down and fetch you for dinner?”

“That’s not necessary,” Tony said quickly.

“I’m afraid I’ve already contacted him, he should be here within a few minutes,” JARVIS replied. “I would recommend cleaning up in the meantime.”

“Damn you!” Tony snapped before sighing.

“As an AI, I’m not sure I can be damned,” JARVIS said, and Tony could’ve sworn that the AI was being sarcastic.

“Ugh,” Tony groaned, taking off the shirt he was wearing to dig around for something less grease-stained.

“Hey, Tony?” Steve called. Oh great, he’s already here. “JARVIS told me to- oh, um, is this a bad time?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Tony said, giving him an apologetic smile.

“It’s okay. Anyway, Clint’s ordered pizza, why don’t you come up? It should be here soon,” Steve replied with an innocent grin.

Damn that boy scout, he just wanted to be alone, “Nah, I’m not really hungry right now, thanks anyway,” Tony said dismissively, going back to the mess of machinery as a subtle way to say, ‘bye now.’

“Even so,” JARVIS piped up. Oh no. “You haven’t had any real food all day, it would be in your best interests to join the others, Mr. Stark.”

“Shut up!” Tony hissed to the AI, “and I ate…”

“Yesterday,” JARVIS added.

“I swear I had something today,” Tony mused out loud as he pulled a relatively clean shirt over his head.

“Coffee and alcohol do not count, I’m afraid,” JARVIS pointed out.

“Hold on,” Steve cut in, “you’ve only had coffee and booze today?”

“Apparently?” Tony said with a shrug. “I dunno, you could’ve told me I had a four course meal with the president and I would’ve believed you. I’m not good at remembering that kind of stuff.”

“You’re coming up,” Steve declared in that ‘captain voice’ of his.

“And if I say no?” Tony asked snarkily.

“You don’t have a choice,” Steve said sternly, “you need to eat.”

Tony made a face. “I would’ve grabbed something at some point… you know, at four in the morning…”

“C’mon,” Steve said, “if you don’t come I’ll just pick you up.”

Tony gave him a look. “You wouldn’t.”

“I will,” Steve promised.

“I dare you,” Tony said, crossing his arms stubbornly.

“Fine,” Steve said, coming over and tossing Tony over his shoulder like he was a sack of flour.

“Holy shit!” Tony cried out in surprise.

Steve chuckled, the sound vibrating Tony’s bones, “that’s one way to put it.”

“You’re not funny,” Tony snipped, sticking his nose in the air.

“I know I’m not,” Steve said nonchalantly, shifting Tony on his shoulder to make the billionaire easier to carry.

“Good,” Tony said, a smirk forming on his face as he went completely boneless to make it harder to carry him.

Steve stumbled, almost dropping him, “gah!”

“What’s wrong?” Tony asked smugly.

“Nothing,” Steve grumbled, shifting Tony.

Tony grinned. “You sure about that?”

“Yes?...” Steve said, sounding like he was trying to guess what Tony had up his sleeve.

“Said with all the confidence of a man with his hand stuck in the cookie jar, in a cookie factory, and his pants are down… and they’re on fire,” Tony said with a slight chuckle.

Steve laughed, “where did you get that?”

“YouTube,” Tony answered, starting slightly when Steve started going up the stairs.

“You need to stop now then,” Steve cheerfully said.

“Why?” Tony asked.

“Do you want to end up like Barton?” Steve asked.

“It’s not that bad,” Tony defended himself. “I only watch it when I’m bored and have literally nothing else to do.”

“Uh huh,” Steve teased. “So all day?”

“I’ll have you know that I actually have a full work schedule,” Tony protested. He was genuinely offended that Steve would dare to insinuate that he did nothing. If he did that, he’d go stir-crazy.

“Alright, alright,” Steve conceded.

Tony’s phone went off. “See? Full schedule,” Tony said as he carefully pulled his phone out of his back pocket to see who was calling him.

“Careful,” Steve warned as Tony teetered.

“I have to check this,” Tony replied as he finally got his phone out of his pocket. It was Pepper. Shit.

“Who is it?” Steve asked, shifting Tony again.

“Pepper,” Tony said with a sigh as he put the phone to his ear. “What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if you had the design for the new Stark-phone figured out? Preferably with at least a prototype built,” Pepper replied. “And if you don’t, when can I expect it to be done?”

“Uhh,” Tony said as he thought, “yeah, I’ve got a prototype done, kinda.”

“That’s good, bring it in on Wednesday,” Pepper told him in her no-nonsense tone. “Ten am, don’t be late.”

“Alright, Peps,” Tony replied chipperly.

“Thank you,” Pepper said, then her tone softened. “I’ll see you soon.” Then the line went dead.

“Bye,” Tony huffed.

“What was that about?” Steve asked politely.

“Prototype.”

“Okay,” Steve said, nodding his head even though he looked a little confused.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing,” Tony assured.

_ “Which is why it bugs you so much,”  _ his brain pointed out. “ _ Pepper only called for business.” _

_ “Shut up.” _

“Alright,” Steve said, leading the way upstairs.

“Yeah,” Tony said, stuffing his phone in his pocket. “Sorry about the whole JARVIS calling you down to get me and all that.”

“It’s no trouble,” Steve replied, adding jokingly, “so can I put you down now?”

“I’m not gonna run back down to the lab if that’s what you’re asking,” Tony grumbled.

“Just checking,” Steve said before setting Tony on his feet gently.

Tony stuck his tongue out like the mature adult he most definitely was.

“Wow, Tony,” Steve said dryly.

“Don’t know what else you’d expect,” Tony said easily. “It is me after all.”

“It is,” Steve agreed lightly.

“Yep,” Tony said with a grin.

“So, dinner?”

“Duh.”

“Sorry,” Steve said unapologetically, “JARVIS said you didn’t like to eat much.”

Tony shrugged. “It’s more like I forget to eat, if I’m being honest.”

“It’s not healthy.”

“I never said it was.” Tony was all too familiar with this conversation. It came up every time he got caught skipping a meal or two.

“C’mon, let’s go.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Tony walked down the hall towards the kitchen. He could already hear everyone else talking, and rather loudly at that.

Steve followed him, trailing behind slightly, but followed him into the dining room.

“I think pineapple on pizza is- oh hey! Look! Tony has graced us with his presence!” Clint called out in mock surprise when he saw the inventor.

Nat whacked him upside the head, “idiot.”

“Hey,” Tony said with a small wave as he sat down.

“How come you haven’t come up in forever?” Banner joked.

Tony shrugged. “Guess I just realized what losers you all are.”

Clint put a hand on his chest, “mua?”

“Yes,” Tony deadpanned, his expression completely neutral.

“E tu?” Clint gasped dramatically.

Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re officially insane.”

“No, because I  _ know  _ the results will be the same.”

Banner chuckled. “Fair enough.”

“Barton,” Nat stated, “you’re an idiot.”

“I’m aware,” Cling said with a smirk. “That’s why I keep the Russian spy-der around.”

“I hate you for that verbal pun,” Banner said flatly,

Tony snickered. “I dunno, it was pretty funny.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Banner said.

“I thought it was,” Tony said matter-of-factly. “In fact, I thought it was hilarious.”

“Me too!” Clint excitedly exclaimed.

Tony raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t find it  _ that _ funny, however.”

“Eh, that’s because you’re you.”

Steve shook his head. “More like because puns come out of your mouth every other sentence, so we’re used to them.”

Clint pouted, “c’mon, I’ve been trying for every other word!”

Tony rolled his eyes, leaning on his forearms. “Keep trying, Legolas. Maybe you’ll get there in ten years.”

“And if you say roasted, I will stab with you own arrow,” Nat said, slapping Clint’s hand down as he opened his mouth to talk.

“I’ll record it,” Tony offered with a smirk.

“I wasn’t gonna say roasted.”

“Really?” Nat asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, get rekt, thank you very much,” Clint said snobbishly.

Banner snorted. “Yes, because that’s so much better.”

“For your information, it is,” Clint said, folding his arms, “I don’t get hit, even though this will be my second time saying roasted.”

“I’m lost,” Steve said, raising his hand. “Someone please explain.”

“Katniss is gonna get stabbed,” Tony surmised, “twice now.”

“Yeah, but why,” Steve replied. “Why is him saying ‘roasted’ such a bad thing?”

“It’s ahead of your time,” Clint joked.

“Not technically,” Tony muttered under his breath. “How long has he been in this century again?”

“The whole time, technically,” Banner mused, “just not involved in this century.”

“My point still stands,” Tony replied, crossing his arms.

“And I’m still waiting for the stabbing,” Clint announced, throwing his arms wide.

“Sleep with one eye open tonight,” Nat replied slyly.

“Or stash your arrows somewhere she can’t find,” Banner pointed out.

“Does such a place exist?” Tony asked seriously.

“There are four,” Clint commented.

“Just four?” Steve asked jokingly.

“Sadly, yes.”

Banner shook his head. “Remind me why I agreed to move in again?”

“Hell if we know,” Tony piped up.

“Because you were very insistent we move into the tower,” Nat piped up, giving Tony a pointed look. “Would you like some examples?”

“Shut up,” Tony said, “I meant why he agreed.”

“Again, because you were insistent.”

“True.”

Clint checked his phone. “Where is that pizza?”

“It’ll be here in ten,” Nat reported with an eye roll to the impatient archer.

“But I’m hungry now,” Clint whined.

“Eat an arrow.”

“Could you possibly eat an arrow?” Tony asked. “Like, without the arrowhead slitting the inside of your throat?”

“There’s a sword eater.”

“Yeah, but they don’t completely eat the sword, they just stuff it down their throat,” Tony pointed out, “plus you have more control with the sword.”

“Why did we start talking about this?”

“Because Clint was hungry, so you told him to eat an arrow.”

“I know,” Banner sighed.

Steve shook his head. “You guys are ridiculous.”

“Very,” Clint agreed.

“Why did I come up here again?” Tony asked flatly, leaning back in his chair. Oh right, because JARVIS is a little shit who called Steve without asking.

“Because food is a thing you need,” Steve replied, giving Tony a look.

“I have food down in the lab,” Tony said with a shrug. “You know, tequila, scotch, and vodka. The necessities.”

“That is not food, sir,” JARVIS stated.

“No one asked you!”

“Sorry, sir.”

“No, you’re not,” Tony grumbled, crossing his arms petulantly.

“You’re right, Sir.”

“Thank God JARVIS is around to keep you alive,” Clint said jokingly, “otherwise you’d have died from alcohol poisoning.” 

“Oh shut it, Legolas.”

“Make me, repair boy.”

“I will,” Tony declared.

“Or we can not fight each other while we wait for pizza?” Steve piped up, a hint of laughter in his voice.

“Yeah, but that’s boring,” Clint dismissed, “besides, if we kill him, more pizza for us, right?”

“Wait,” Tony said, holding his hand up, “you want to kill me? Why didn’t you just open with that? I would’ve been _way_ more open to the idea.”

“Tony,” Banner sighed.

“Yes, Brucie bear?”

“Hold on,” Nat interrupted, “did you just call him  _ Brucie bear _ ?”

“Yeah,” Banner said with another sigh, “Tony’s very fond of nicknames. Especially ones that aren’t appreciated.”

“We’re aware,” Clint said flatly.

“Really?” Tony said with mock surprise, “I never would’ve guessed!”

“Where’s the freaking pizza when you need it?” Nat grumbled.

“Obviously it’s being eaten by a dog because our pizza delivery guy crashed his car and died,” Steve muttered.

“Damn,” Clint commented, “That was dark for you, spangle ass.”

“I’m fine with that,” Steve said with a shrug.

“We are too, just surprised.”

“So if the pizza man is dead,” Tony said as he got up, “can I go?”

“Nope,” Steve said, wrapping an arm around his waist in an almost possessive way.

Tony raised an eyebrow, “why not? Pizza’s gone, Fido got ahold of it, remember?”

“There is other food,” Steve replied as the doorbell rang, “Or that’s probably the pizza man now.”

“Finally!” Clint cried, shooting out of his chair and vaulting over the table before running for the door.

Steve tightened his arm around Tony to make sure Clint didn’t hit him, all but pulling him onto his lap.

“You know,” Tony commented with a smirk, “if you wanted a lap dance, all you had to do was ask, Capsicle.”

“What?” Steve asked, before realizing what Tony meant and let go quickly, blushing a light shade of red.

“You heard me,” Tony said, not bothering to move back to his seat.

“I- Uh- well- uhm,” Steve stammered.

“I’m teasing, star-spangled tights,” Tony told him with a laugh.

“I- okay,” Steve said, looking away to Clint as he walked back.

“Okay,” Clint said putting the seven boxes on the table, “this one's for you guys, the rest is for me.”

“Ha!” Nat scoffed, grabbing the pizzas, “These are mine, bitch!”

“Oh hell no!” Tony called out, grabbing a few boxes from Nat. “I endured social interaction for these babies, they’re mine!”

“Dream on,” Nat replied, snatching them back.

“If anyone gets to eat these, it is me,” Thor said, pulling the pizza over to him.

“That’s bullshit,” Clint declared, grabbing the pizzas.

“No, that fact that you get pizza and not me is,” Tony declared, grabbing a pizza and diving behind Steve.

“Whoa!” Steve exclaimed as Clint and Nat vaulted over him to get to Tony,

Tony let out a demonic hiss as he scrambled back, pizza in hand.

Clint lopped behind him, and Nat stood in front of him. “Pizza. Now.”

Banner casually opened one of the other pizza boxes and took a slice as he watched the others fight.

“Grab me one,” Thor said softly, gesturing to the pizza.

Banner nodded and passed Thor a piece.

Steve held up a hand hopefully.

Banner held out a piece for him as well.

“Thanks,” Steve said as he took it.

“I will never surrender this pizza!” Tony yelled, jumping onto the kitchen island.

“Yes you will,” Nat promised, right behind him.

“No!”

“Hell yes,” Clint said, grabbing his ankles.

“Let go, dumbass!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No! Nat, grab the pizza!”

Nat grabbed the box out of Tony’s hands and jumped down. “Got it!”

“Ha!” Clint exclaimed, letting go of the billionaire’s ankles to grab the pizza from Nat and take off running.

Nat didn’t even hesitate as she took off after him.

Clint grinned over his shoulder, diving feet first under the table to jump up on the other side.

Tony watched the two chase each other around the room before he noticed the open pizza box on the table, his mouth turned up in an amused smirk as he hopped off of the island and grabbed a slice.

“Took you long enough to notice,” Banner said to him, taking a bite of his own pizza.

“Yeah, I know,” Tony said with a sheepish smile.

“Should we tell them?” Thor asked as he ducked, a spatula flying at Clint.

“I don’t think it’ll stop them,” Tony answered, “this has turned into a matter of pride for those two.”

“Then we shall see who is victorious.”

Steve chuckled, “that we will.”

Banner stood up, “I think I'll eat somewhere safer.”

“Good choice.”

“Yeah. See ya,” Banner said, grabbing a couple more pieces as he left.

“Bye, Brucie bear!”

“Why do you insist on calling him that?” Thor asked.

“Because it's funny,” Tony said with a shrug.

“How so?”

“Banner hates it.”

“Alright.”

“Yep,” Tony agreed as he reached for a second piece.

“Is the pizza worth it?” Steve asked slyly.

“Worth what?” Tony asked around a mouthful of greasy cheesy goodness.

“Social interaction.”

“I could’ve ordered my own pizza and avoided you all.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I know.”

“So is it worth it?”

“I dunno, maybe,” Tony said cryptically, a small smirk on his face.

“It was,” Steve summed up, taking a bite of his own pizza.

“Oh, are you telepathic now?” Tony asked mockingly.

“No, but you’re still here, and you have your pizza.”

“And?”

Steve chuckled, “nevermind.”

“No,” Tony said, pointing his pizza slice at the Alpha. “Tell me. I’m curious.”

“Just that you do have to have social interaction, and the fact you’re still here proves it.”

“Yeah, well, just don’t tell anyone,” Tony replied, sitting back in his seat, “I have a reputation to protect, you know.”

Steve shook his head, chuckling again, “alright, Stark.”

Tony shrugged, “why do you care, anyhow?”

He thought Steve’s ears went a little pink when he said with a shrug, “I care about yo- the team’s health.”

Tony nodded, looking at the table. “Yeah, the team. Right.”

There was an awkward silence that was broken by Thor, being Thor, broke out the booze, “Man Hawk, Natasha, come! Drink!”

Nat looked down from where she was perched on the refrigerator, enjoying some pizza. “What are we drinking?”

“Only the best,” Thor answered with a grin.

“If you get into my stash of whiskey, I’ll kick you out,” Tony said seriously.

“It won’t be the whiskey,” Thor said in an easygoing sort of way.

“Is it mead?” Steve asked curiously.

“Of course,” Thor replied cheerfully.

“Awesome,” Nat said as she climbed down, “sign me up.”

Thor pulled out a bottle, setting it on the table.

“I’ll get some glasses,” Tony said, getting to his feet and walking over to a cupboard.

“Thanks,” Clint said distractedly.

“No problem,” Tony replied, getting on top of the counter to reach the crystal glasses he kept in the top cupboard. He hated being so damn short.

“Need a hand?” Clint snickered.

“No,” Tony replied defensively. “I got it.”

“Don’t fall, you might not be able to get back up.”

“Shut your mouth, Barton,” Tony told him as he counted the glasses he had already gotten.

“Four,” Clint said loudly as he was counting, “two. Twenty-one.”

“What did I just say!?”

Clint signed something and Nat snickered. “Fourteen,” she said.

“Ugh!”

“Twelve,” Nat translated.

“Go to hell! All of you!”

“Even me?” Steve asked.

“I’d say yes, but everyone knows the devil would take one look at you and kick your ass to heaven.”

Nat snickered, “or fuck him. You know, corrupt the incorruptible and all.”

“Yeah, true, but I’m not sure the demons would be impressed.”

“I sure as hell would,” Clint said.

“I’m so lost,” Steve muttered.

“If you got fucked by Lucifer it’d be fuckin’ hot.”

Tony smirked as he got down from the counter. “Hot as hell.”

“The door,” Nat declared, looking at Tony as she pointed to said door.

“What?”

“Leave.”

“No.”

“Then no more puns.”

“I made one!”

“And?” Nat asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nevermind,” Tony said with an eye roll as he placed the glasses onto the table. “It’s not worth it.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered as he plopped down in his seat. “So, I believe we have a mission to get as drunk as possible?”

“Of course,” Thor said, pouring out the booze.

“Finally,” Tony joked, “something I’m good at.”

“Dipshit,” Clint said.

“You guys are crazy,” Nat declared.

“Your point, Spidey woman?” Clint asked.

“I believe that was her point,” Steve said as he grabbed a glass.

“No, her finger wasn’t up.”

“Why does that matter?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Cause she wasn’t pointing,” Clint said with a smirk. “So she didn’t have a point.”

“That was horrible.”

“Yes, I am.”

Tony sighed, downing his glass in one go. “I’m not drunk enough for this shit yet, give me about fifteen minutes.”

“Start drinkin’ then.”

“Just did, Legolas,” Tony snipped while pouring himself another glass.

Clint smirked as he poured himself a fourth.

“So, Thor, what are some Asgardian drinking games?” Nat asked.

Thor looked over at her, the closest he’s ever been to serious, “you don't want to know.”

“Damn. I tried.”

“And you failed,” Clint said with a snicker.

“Shut up, Eagle.”

“Make me, repair boy.”

“You must be really drunk if you think I said that,” Tony commented, “That was Nat. Talk about a lightweight.”

“You’re as short as her, so you’re damn near the same human.”

“Really?” Nat asked, looking genuinely offended, “did you just compare me to Stark?”

“Yeah, cause I can whoop both your asses.”

“Nat could kick your ass without breaking a sweat,” Tony said simply.

“Bullshit.”

“She could.”

“Hell no.”

“Depends on the day,” Nat said with a shrug.

“Whatever,” Clint scoffed.

“Why are we arguing about this anyway?” Steve asked, already on his tenth glass, and feeling pretty tipsy.

“Cause it’s dumb and we’re tipsy,” Nat answered flatly.

“We better not stay tipsy,” Tony said, pouring yet another glass. “Because if I’m not gonna get drunk, I’m not interested.”

“Then get that shit down,” Clint reported.

“On it,” Tony said, draining the glass in one gulp.

“Dang, you swallow things fast,” a slightly more than tipsy Steve said.

Tony smirked, “yeah, it’s a gift. I use it for… other activities.”

It took a long moment of Steve’s confusion before he got it and flushed  _ red. _

“What’s wrong, Cap?” Tony asked. “Would you prefer a demonstration?”

Steve shot back another glass, coughing only a little bit before he said slyly, “Don’t know if you’re up for it.”

“Oh, I’m up for it,” Tony said, setting his glass down.

Steve’s ears turned red, but his smirked confidently, “oh yeah, Stark?”

“Yeah, Rogers,” Tony said, leaning forward, “I could take you any day of the week.”

“Then why haven’t you?” Steve asked smugly.

“Because you can’t handle me,” Tony said simply.

“Oh, sure,” Steve said with an eye roll, leaning back in his seat, the picture of a playboy.

“You can’t,” Tony said confidently, resting his arm on the back of his chair.

“Try me.”

“No,” Tony challenged, his eyes glinting, “you try me.”

“Alright,” Steve said, tensing a little bit, looking like a cat about to kill a bird.

Tony kept his posture relaxed and laid back, “well, I’m waiting, Cap. Or are you getting cold feet?”

He barely finished the words before Steve had pounced, grabbing the front of his shirt, smashing his lips to the Omega’s.

Tony let out a sound that he would go to his grave swearing up and down it wasn’t a whine as he kissed back.

Steve growled possessively, damn near pulling Tony over the table to press closer to him.

“A room?” Clint piped up. “Get one.”

“You can,” Steve growled, breaking the kiss, eyes looking purple because they hadn’t gone full Alpha. Yet.

“Nah, man,” Clint said, “there’s more of us than there are of you.”

Steve huffed a growl, looking back at Tony.

“Dear god,” Tony breathed out when he realized what color Steve’s eyes were now.

“Not quite,” Steve said, lips forming a smirk that was sexy as sin.

“Full of yourself much?” Tony asked as he regained some of his composure.

“It’s not if it’s true,” Steve replied, pulling Tony even closer by his collar.

“If you stretch out this shirt, you won’t be able to find your shield for a month,” Tony promised.

Steve rolled his eyes, but let go of Tony’s shirt, “fine.”

“Thank you,” Tony said, straightening the article of clothing.

“Thank me after I fuck you,” Steve breathed lowly so no one could hear.

“You’ll have to earn that,” Tony shot back just as quietly. He was having way too much fun challenging the Alpha at every turn.

Steve’s eyes narrowed, and he smirked again, just the corner of his mouth moving, “oh, I see how it is,” he said before straightening his clothes, casually leaving Tony standing there as he went back to his seat, posture smug as fuck.

Tony took a brief moment to compose himself before going back to his own seat, not meeting Steve’s eyes.

“Well that resolved itself,” Clint said, words slurring slightly as he took a sip out of his glass, which turned out to be Nat’s.

“For now,” Nat agreed, grabbing Clint’s glass in retaliation.

“Hey,” Clint slurred in protest.

“You took mine, I take yours,” Nat said, listing to the side a little.

“Fiiine.”

Nat nodded as she finished the drink and poured herself another one, frowning as there was only enough to fill the glass halfway. When she raised it to her lips, she suddenly found an empty glass. “The hell?”

Clint smirked, downing the rest of his glass, “what's wrong, Nat?”

“Fuck off.”

“Fine. I’m takin’ your booze with me, though.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Already did,” Clint said smugly, holding up the tumbler he had downed.

“It is all good,” Thor said jovially, pulling out another bottle. “I have more!”

“Good,” Nat said gravely, grabbing the bottle to pour another glass.

“Pass that over when you’re done,” Tony requested, looking at his empty glass.

“Ha!” Nat exclaimed, “Hell no!”

“Why not?”

“It’s mine, hun.”

“Fine,” Tony said, getting up. “I’ll just get my own shit to get drunk on.”

“Good luck, honey,” Nat said, “Nothin’s better than this shit.”

“I know.”

Clint plucked the bottle out of her hands with skill that only came from experience, “Think again, Nats.”

“Give that back.”

“Hell no.”

Steve reached over and grabbed the bottle. “Mine now.”

“Bitch!” Clint exclaimed.

“Fight me.”

“I’ll straight up kill you.”

Steve took a swig straight out of the bottle. “I’d like to see you try.”

Clint looked furious, “There won’t be a body left. And then what’d Tony do for his kinky shit?”

“Hey!” Tony protested. “Leave me out of this!”

Steve lowered the bottle fractionally, eyes on Tony long enough for Clint to snatch the bottle back.

“Nice one, Cap,” Tony snarked as he pulled out a bottle of vodka.

“Shut it,” Steve growled.

“Hmm.” Tony pretended to think it over. “No, I don’t think I will.”

“Then I’ll make you,” Steve promised, licking his bottom lip slowly.

Shit. This again. “Oh, will you?”

“Hell. Yes.”

“I’ve heard that before,” Tony scoffed, “you aren’t the first to try and fail, and I doubt you’ll be the last.”

Steve smirked, “better be good while I last then.”

“Not. Likely.”

“You sure about that?” Steve asked in an almost soft tone. Almost.

“Hell yes,” Tony said proudly, titling his chin up defiantly.

Steve smirked, standing up to sit by Tony, causally snatching the bottle from Clint’s hands as he did.

“Hey!” Clint complained. “I wasn’t done with that!”

“You are now,” Steve dismissed, throwing an arm around Tony’s shoulders.

“Can I help you?” Tony asked condescendingly.

“Depends,” Steve said, pausing to take a sip, “on how good at head you are.”

Tony smirked, “oh, I’m good. I’d just rather not waste my skill on you.”

“And why not?” Steve asked, pressing a kiss to his jaw, right by his ear, “scared, Omega?”

Tony’s jaw clenched. “Why the hell would you  _ scare  _ me?”

“Didn’t say I scared you,” Steve replied. “Just that you were.”

Tony shoved him away. “Let me make one thing clear, you knothead, I am not scared, I am not weak or any of that shit just because I’m an Omega. Got it?”

Steve blinked in surprise, “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to,” Tony grit out.

Now Steve just looked confused, “Tony?”

“What?”

“I- are you okay?” He stammered, “I mean, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tick you off.”

“I’m fine,” Tony forced out, turning back to the vodka.

“Here,” Steve said, passing him Thor’s alcohol.

“Thanks,” Tony said simply, taking the bottle and pouring himself a generous glass.

“Sorry,” Steve apologized.

“It’s fine,” Tony said, rubbing his forehead. “I shouldn’t have lashed out like that. It was all harmless fun.”

“No, it’s alright to say something if you don’t like it.”

“Yeah, but I should’ve realized you didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s fine, Tony.”

“Okay,” Tony said, figuring it was better to just drop it.

“Well that was a thing,” Clint commented dryly.

“Gee,” Tony muttered, “ya think?”

Nat started snickering uncontrollably, “Cliiiiiint! Idea!”

“What?” Clint slurred.

Nat grinned evilly, “pass me your phone.”

“Uh, okay?” Clint said, pulling out his phone and sliding it across the table.

“Middle finger up!” Nat urged, doing something on the phone.

Clint shrugged and raised both middle fingers.

Nat  _ giggled _ as she took a picture, doing something else, cackling like a witch.

“Who is that and what did they do to Nat?” Tony asked, blinking in confusion.

“Don’t worry,” Nat said while her thumbs damn near blurred across the screen, “be happy and yadda yadda.”

“Yeah… that's not Nat,” Steve agreed, eyeing the Russian warily.

Nat glanced up at him, eyes glimmering with malicious glee.

“Nevermind.”

“Aaaaaand done!” Nat announced, tossing the phone back.

Clint caught it and looked at his screen. “What did you do?”

“Covered my fucking tracks like a boss,” Nat replied, letting out yet another giggle. “Jesus, what is this shit?”

“I dunno, but seriously, what did you do?”

“Oh, you’ll find out in a sec,” Nat replied, and as if on cue, the phone started ringing.

“Shit.” Clint put the phone to his ear. “Lance, hi.”

“WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?!”

Clint winced and held the phone away from his ear. “I’m gonna guess that Nat sent that picture to you?”

“Oh  _ Nat _ did it?” Lance asked, and you could hear the raised eyebrow.

“Yes, we’re drunk. Cut me some slack here.”

“You don't sound drunk. Yo, Lila, come here for a sec!”

“I know I don’t sound drunk!” Clint half-yelled. “You don’t need to get my daughter involved in this!”

“Not drunk,” A teenage girl’s voice said.

“I’m drunk, I promise,” Clint said, his eyes held a sheen of gold.

“Uh huh,” both Lila and Lance said in the same tone.

“Guys,” Clint begged his friends, “back me up here.”

“He’s sober,” Nat said, trying to keep her giggles quiet.

“He hasn’t touched a drop!” Tony added.

“Seriously, Dad, gotta do better,” Lila snickered, “anywho, gotta run. Date’s here. Byyyyyeee!”

“Have fun, sweetie,” Lance said before his voice turned hard again. “Now,  _ Clint Barton.” _

“Ah shit,” Clint mumbled, looking at them with loathing, mouthing ‘I hate you’ before getting up and leaving rather quickly, “..yeah?”

Nat started cackling madly as she fell out of her chair. “Oh, this is beautiful.”

“Nat! Shut up, you witch!” Clint called.

“Never!”

“Ugh!”


	3. Oh, What a Phone Call Can Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The few hours I spend with you are worth the thousand hours I spend without you."  
> -unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, sorry I missed the last update, I'll try to be more consistent from now on lol. Anywaysers, this chapter had two OC reveals so let me know what you think of them. love you all, make sure to leave comments and kudos! Particularly comments, I wanna know what you guys think of this fic.

Clint was going to kill Nat for getting him in trouble with his husband. In fact, he already had her untimely death planned out.

“Clint,” Lance said, reminding the Omega of his existence.

“Yeah, I know you’re there, Lance,” Clint mumbled irately.

“So, what was that picture for?”

“I didn’t know!”

“How could you not know? You posed for the photo!”

“Again, drunk,” Clint said flatly.

“You don’t sound drunk to me, Barton.”

“Spy,” Clint said slowly, “Remember?”

“Kinda hard not to when you’re gone all the time,” Lance pointed out.

Clint grimaced, “sorry, babe,” he muttered.

“Yeah, anyway, that being said. If you’re drunk, Nat probably is too, so  _ why the hell did you give her your phone?” _

“Good booze?” Clint offered weakly, heading to his room, where he knew JARVIS wouldn’t be able to hear so Tony could have his drama hour.

“That’s your excuse? Good booze? Damn, what are you drinking?”

“I dunno,” Clint said, opening his door, “somethin’ of Thor’s.”

“That explains it. Isn’t that the shit that can get Captain America drunk?”

“Dude! Side note!” Clint exclaimed, hopping on his bed, “Freaking innocent little forties Cap is such a horny ass,  _ slut _ drunk!”

There was silence for a long moment. “What?”

“You heard me,” Clint replied, smirking as he added, “he’s fuckin’ hot doing it, too. I wanted to tap that ass,” he chewed on his lip, grinning as he waiting for Lance to reply, knowing it pushed his buttons when he commented on other people like that.

"Oh really?" And there was the jealousy and possessiveness Clint knew and loved.

“Mhm,” Clint said gleefully. Hey, Steve wasn’t the only slut here. “His ass though. God, it's killing me. God’s got nothing on him.”

“Choose your next words carefully, Clint,” Lance said in a warning tone.

Clint smirked, saying playfully, “what? I mean, I’m here, so is he. What’s there to think about?” he slipped his wedding ring on, twisting it on his finger. He couldn’t wear it often, but when he could he loved to put the silver band on.

“How about the fact that you are married?”

“What ‘bout it?” Clint asked innocently. Oh, this was way too much fun.

“If you don’t want to sleep with the chickens when you get back, you might want to rethink everything coming out of your mouth,” Lance told him.

“Aw, Lance, then you wouldn’t be able to screw me!”

“I ain’t touching your whore ass if you keep this up.”

“Lance!” Clint whined, turning on his camera so he could face time.

“Clint!” Lance said in the same tone as he also turned on his camera.

“C’mon, you wouldn’t let me sleep with chicks!” Clint whined, unable or unwilling to contain the snicker.

“Try me.”

“Lance,” Clint pouted, putting his hand up to cradle his chin.

“Yes, Clint?” Lance asked innocently.

“C’mon, babe, you wouldn’t do that to me,” Clint said, using his thumb to mess with the ring on his finger.

“I would, and I’d do it happily,” Lance replied, though he was less serious than before.

“Nuh huh.”

“Yeah huh.”

“Lance!” Clint exclaimed, putting a hand to his chest dramatically, “how could you do this to your Omega?”

“With a smile and a camera.”

“Bastard.”

“Says the little bitch.”

“Says the little  _ whore _ ,” Clint corrected.

“You’re right, you’re just a dirty little whore,” Lance agreed.

Clint grinned widely, his eyes going just a bit more gold, red tinting them, “yep. Does that make you the dirty old man?”

“Dirty old  _ pimp _ .”

“Mhm.”

“Take off your shirt,  _ Omega.” _

Clint’s breath caught from that left field comment, but he smirked, “what’s in it for me, huh?”

“I don’t tell Nat I can make your eyes turn with a phone call.”

“Unfair,” Clint mumbled, but he pulled his shirt over his head.

“That’s what I thought.”

“Blackmail’s illegal.”

“Only if you get caught,” Lance said with a smirk.

“I can tell.”

“Oh, can you now?” Lance asked mockingly.

“Yep. Steve’d believe me when I tell him.”

“You won’t be telling him  _ anything _ .”

Clint smirked, “nah why not?”

“Because I said so, Clint.”

“And how are you gonna stop me,  _ Alpha?” _

“I have a few ideas,” Lance said suggestively.

“Care to share?” Clint purred.

“I think actions speak louder than words,” Lance replied, setting the phone down to take off his own shirt.

Clint grinned, “oh hell yeah that do!”

“Say that slowly and ask yourself “what is grammatically incorrect in this sentence?’”

“Why would I do that, it bugs you, so it’s fun,” Clint replied cheekily.

“Unless you want a case of blue balls, I suggest you cut it out.”

“I can get them gone,” Clint said with a shrug.

“I’m gonna hang up.”

“No you won’t, cause Lila’s probably gone, and the bachelor is over.”

“I don’t watch that show,” Lance said dully.

“Sure you don’t,” Clint snickered.

“I don't!”

“Yes you do, you slut.”

“You’re the slut.”

“Prove it,” Clint replied.

“Just think back to the beginning of this conversation, you know? When you were lusting after Captain America’s ass?”

“Because it’s hotter than yours.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Bitch.”

“And?”

“Just keep in mind who’s bitch you are, Omega.”

“My own?” Clint asked innocently.

_ “Mine,”  _ Lance growled, his eyes looking a little red. Oh shit.

“You sure?” Clint asked, grinning smugly.

“Hell. Yes.”

“Prove. It.”

“I already have.”

“Oh yeah, how?” Clint asked tauntingly.

“You’re eyes are completely gold, bitch.”

“Yours are really red, so whatever,” Clint said, blushing slightly. Damn, that was embarrassing.

“Are they all red? No.”

“Pretty damn close.”

“Yours were gold first.”

“Too bad.”

“You’re still my pretty little bitch, Clint.”

“Prove it,” Clint said, the words coming out breathy.

“I think you already know.”

“Do I?” Clint mused out loud, “I dunno. Steve’s ass though…”

“You keep that up, and I’m coming to New York just to pick you up and carry you back to Iowa, Barton.”

“I dare you to.”

“I will,  _ Omega.” _

Clint let out a little sound that may or may not have been embarrassingly whiny, “then what the fuck are you waiting for?”

“For you to learn your place.”

“C’mon!” Clint exclaimed frustratedly.

Lance chuckled, “aren’t you impatient?”

“Ugh,” Clint moaned, “Lance, just- ugh!”

“Use your words, I don’t speak whore.”

Clint smirked at him, “I want you to fuck me,  _ sir.” _

“That’s all I needed to hear.”

“Dammit, I need time off,” Clint groaned.

“Yeah you do.”

“Ugh.”

“I’m coming out to New York first chance I get, I hope you know that.”

“Thank fuck.”

“Oh, is that what this is?”

“Yes. Duh.”

“Good to know.”

Clint smirked, “pants,” he said.

“You first.”

“Age before beauty.”

“Then why should I go first?”

“Low blow, Dick.”

“Just because I have one doesn’t mean I am one.”

“But you are.”

“I don't have to fly out to you, you know.”

“Lance!” Clint whined.

“Clint!” Lance mocked.

“Ugh!”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

“Sure. Right. Yeah.”

“I do.”

“Bullshit.”

“I do, sweetie.”

“I guess,” Clint said with a grin.

“Oh, you guess?”

“Yep.

“I’m sure that’s all it is, sweetheart, a guess.”

Clint grinned in response.

Lance rolled his eyes. “So have you saved the world lately? Or has it just been that psycho robot?”

“Pretty much just the psycho robot,” Clint reported.

“Good, means you’re safe.”

“I’m always safe,” Clint said with an eye roll.

“Are you though? I can’t tell you how many times you've mentioned falling off of buildings.”

“I get caught!” Clint protested, “or I catch myself!”

“Barely!”

“I did!” Clint defended. “I mean, take this last missio-” he cut himself off, realizing he hadn’t told Lance about that one yet.

“What about the last mission?”

“Nothing,” Clint said hastily.

“Really?” Lance asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah. Nothing cool or anything.” It had been dope as hell. And dangerous.

“I’ll ask Nat if you don’t tell me.”

“She’ll exaggerate every word,” Clint protested.

“Then I guess you better tell me in a few days at most.”

“It wasn’t anything worth mentioning.”

“By that, you mean dangerous beyond belief and if I tell Lance he’ll make me come home for at least six months?”

“Kinda not really.”

“Mhmm.”

“It wasn’t horrible…”

“Then it shouldn't be a big deal to tell me.”

“It was an assassination, and I ran into trouble getting out, alright?” Clint blurted out.

“Did you get hurt?”

“Not really,” Clint lied.

“Don’t you dare lie to me.”

“I didn’t break anything important.”

Lance sighed, “what am I going to do with you?”

“Sorry,” Clint mumbled, “but I just broke ribs and stuff.”

Lance chuckled, “oh just your ribs?”

“And arm. Finger. Toe, you know. Stuff,” Clint said guiltily, looking down.

“Just don’t get yourself killed, alright?”

“I won’t, promise,” Clint said quickly.

“Good.”

“I’ve probably got another mission, but I’ll come after that, kay?”

“I can’t wait, sweetie.”

Clint groaned, rolling his eyes, “C’mon, Babe, why that?”

“Why what?”

“Sweetie?” Clint groaned.

“You know you love it.”

“No I don't. What I feel is the opposite of love.”

“But you love me, so it’s all good.”

Clint gave him an unamused look.

“You love me and you know it,” Lance teased.

“Do I?”

“Yes. The ring on your finger proves it.”

Clint grinned, holding up his hand, “this ring?”

“That ring,” Lance confirmed.

“Funny, I don’t seem to remember where I got it from…”

“Aren’t you cute?”

Clint smirked, “Nope. Badass and hot. Try again, Alpha.”

“Adorable Omega?”

“Fuck off.”

“No can do, sweetheart.”

“Ugh!” Clint said, squirming to pull off his pants to derail this conversation.

“Aren’t you needy? Didn’t even have to ask you to take them off,” Lance purred.

“You asked earlier,” Clint replied, being a jackass and running hand up his chest just for show, gasping lightly.

Lance smirked, “yeah, I guess I did.”

“Mhm,” Clint groaned, shivering and playing it up for his husband.

“Such a good Omega for me.”

“Alpha,” Clint whined, nails biting into his chest. This was way too much fun.

“Yes?”

“Please, need you.” God, this was funny, it was hard not to laugh at Lance’s expression of hunger.

“I’m right here, Omega.”

“Need you to fuck me,” Clint said, back arching.

“I’ll be in New York soon enough.”

Clint whined loudly, dropping the act to grin at him. “Not soon enough, hun.”

Lance smirked, “patience is a virtue, sweetie.”

“It’s overrated, Lance,” Clint said flatly, “pants.”

“Oh, you think you can boss me around, do you?”

“Yes.”

Lance chuckled, but slipped his pants off, making a show off it.

Clint swallowed, knowing his eyes were really damn gold right now.

“There, pants are off,” Lance said with a smirk.

“Like you better this way,” Clint replied.

“I like you best with gold eyes and naked. Almost like right now.”

“Really?” Clint asked innocently, “I like me best with your dick up my ass.”

“And you screaming my name?” Lance added, a smirk on his face. “That’s always a nice touch.”

“Till I’m hoarse.”

“Oh fuck yeah.”

Clint snickered. “Yeah, too bad that can’t happen now.”

“It is a shame,” Lance agreed.

“Mhm,” Clint sounded as his other phone rang. His spy one, “the hell?”

“What is it this time?” Lance asked, recognizing the ringtone.

“Dunno,” Clint said, really tempted to ignore it.

Lance sighed, “you should probably answer that.”

“Nah.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Ugh. Don’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“Cause I’m not,” Clint said, grabbing the phone.

“I know.”

“Barton, report now for briefing,” A very bored voice said.

“I’m sorry,” Clint said in an obnoxious voice. “Who is this?” 

“Higher rank,” The voice said with a sigh of ‘why did I have to call him?’, “Fury’s orders.”

Clint sighed, “yeah, but it’s like one in the morning, what’s the deal?”

“Protective detail starting as soon as you get down here.”

“Who am I keeping alive?”

“Ambassador's daughter,” was the reply. “Russian.”

“Fun.”

“So get your ass down here. You’re most qualified.”

“Wouldn’t that be my partner? She speaks Russian.”

“Not in this case.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“ _ Now. _ ”

“Yeah, yeah,” Clint said, “I'm on my way.”

“Good,” the line went dead.

Clint sighed and looked at Lance, “I have to go.”

“I got that, yeah,” Lance sighed.

“I’ll call you the next chance I get. Promise.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t want you distracted,” Lance replied “Keep yourself safe.”

“Too late, I’m doing it.”

“Only if you have a safe chance.”

“Of course.”

“Good. Now go before you piss someone important off.”

“Okay, okay. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Clint smiled before hanging up, getting ready quickly, and booking it out of his room. He slid down the stair rail, grinning as he did. Hey, it was faster than walking. Also, it was fun, so whatever. He got to the briefing level in record time.

“Barton,” Fury greeted simply.

“Ew. Sir.”

“Take a seat.”

“Alright,” Clint replied, sitting down, literally on the edge of his seat.

Someone wordlessly slid a manila folder over to Clint as the briefing began. He ignored everyone, flipping through to see why he got called instead of Nat. Nothing. No explanation. Son of a bitch. And you know, what the hell? This whole thing is bullshit.

“Barton?” The human asked.

“What?” Clint all but snapped.

“Were you even paying attention?”

“Yeah, protect the girl at all costs, don’t let her out of my sight, yadda yadda yadda, this isn’t my first rodeo, genius.”

“I was saying we’re loading up,” the ‘you idiot asshole’ was implied, of course.

“Yay,” Clint said sardonically as he got to his feet. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Fury rolled his eyes the ‘team’ of guards left the room. “Just don’t offend this one.”

“But that’s my job,” Clint quipped.

“Sure,” Fury said flatly, gesturing for him to leave.

Clint gave a mock salute as he left the room. Not at all bothered by the looks he got. He headed to the loading area after grabbing his bow and quiver, hopping on the plane he was supposed to be on just before it took off. He scanned the seats for the girl he needed to keep an eye on. She was sitting closest to the cockpit, and looked bored as hell, a notebook in one hand and a pen in the other. She had long platinum blonde hair, so light it looked white, she had dreaded, pulled back into a ponytail, a black choker on her throat, making her skin that looked even paler. She was willowy, damn near drowning in the sweater she wore. Her eyes were a super pale blue, icy but not cold.

“Hey,” he greeted as he sat down next to her, catching a whiff of her scent. Omega. That’s why Nat wasn’t chosen.

She looked over at him, almost resigned, and waved a hand.

Or maybe there’s more to it. “My name is Clint.”

She let out a sigh, writing on the paper, “ _ Kate _ .”

“ _ Oh _ !” Clint signed as he realized, “ _ do you sign _ ?”

“ _ Thank fucking god _ ,” she signed back, looking relieved.

“ _ Yeah. I know the feeling _ ,” Clint replied.

“ _ No, seriously, I’m sick of writing _ ,” Kate signed, well, that or it could have been a not so cohesive sentence.

“ _ Well, I’m glad I could be of some use. _ ”

“ _ Me two, _ ” Kate signed, pointing to herself and holding up two fingers.

Clint nodded as he slowed down some as he tried to remember Russian Sign Language. “ _ So is Kate your full name or _ ?”

“ _ Katarina _ ,” Kate signed, spelling it out, making a face to let him know what she thought of it.

“ _ Okay _ ,” Clint replied.

“ _ Do you do ASL _ ?” Kate signed, the signing becoming more cohesive.

“ _ Yep, first sign language I learned _ .”

“ _ OK. Ao I’ll sign that _ ,” Kate said, getting s and a mixed up somehow.

“ _ Works for m _ e.”

Kate nodded, throwing the notebook at one of the other agents.

Clint laughed, “ _ that was beautiful _ !”

Kate smirked, nodding smugly.

“ _ So how old are you _ ?”

She held up ten fingers, then nine.

“ _ Cool, you know I have a daughter only a few years younger than you _ .”

“ _ Must be a handful _ ,” Kate signed, “ _ b-t-w, you can talk, I’m not deaf, I just have to sign. Unless you want to cuss _ .”

“ _ Well, I am deaf, so this is actually more comfortable for me _ ,” Clint admitted.

Kate nodded. “ _ Makes sense. Do you read lips, too _ ?”

“ _ Yeah, but I have hearing aids too _ .”

“ _ Fun. Cochlear or not _ ?”

“ _ Not, I didn’t like the idea of not being able to turn it off. _ ”

Kate smirked, “ _ you can always plead them dying then, can’t you? _ ”

“ _ That too, _ ” Clint agreed.

“ _ Fun times _ ,” Kate signed as one of the agents muttered ‘hear and speak no evil are getting along, aren’t they?’

“Yep!” Clint called, “we’re besties now!”

Kate snorted, which sounded a bit off honestly, and signed some very choice words to the agent about she can hear, and go to hell, you pig, disabled people can kick ass, and so on and so forth, Clint missed a couple things if he was honest.

But he got enough to know the gist of it. “Preach, sista!”

The agent looked kind of confused by the fact that the russian had heard and understood him, which made her give him a sign that needed no translation.

Clint laughed at the agent’s face. “And that’s what you get for assuming, asshat.”

“ _ Hate it _ ,” Kate signed, looking peeved and disgusted.

_ “Agreed.” _

“ _ Want to d-i-t-c-h them? _ ” She asked, looking hopeful. “ _ They are annoyingly ignorant, like the last team _ .”

_ “First chance, we’ll do that,” _ Clint agreed.

“ _ Good _ .”

“ _ Alright _ .”

“ _ Better without them, anyway. Why so many, I am not going to be stupid _ .”

_ “Some people just go overboard. If you ask me, Nat and I could’ve protected you no big deal.” _

“ _ Do you mean Black Widow?”  _ Kate signed, looking a bit confused, like she wasn’t used to first names, like, at all.

_ “Yeah, Black Widow.” _

“ _ Oh, OK,”  _ Kate signed, cheeks going red. “ _ Sorry.” _

“ _ It’s chill, most people don’t even  _ know _ her first name. She’s that kind of intimidating, _ ” Clint signed back.

Kate nodded vigorously in response, not even bothering to sign.

Clint grinned,  _ “it’s why I love her.” _

Kate grinned, “ _ what, scary women you like?” _

_ “As a best friend who’s always got my back, oh hell yeah. There’s no one I’d rather have at my side then someone who scares all the baddies away.” _

_ “Sounds like you use her as a shield,”  _ Kate remarked, smirking lightly, like she was making a joke. Sometimes it was hard with sign language.

_ “Well, I mean, I have to protect my face somehow. I’m not Captain America, I don’t have an actual shield.” _

Kate snickered, “ _ true there.” _

_ “Yeah, I mean, as badass as scars are, I don’t want them on my face. It’s much funnier when Lance finds them.” _

_ “Lance?” _

_ “My husband,”  _ Clint clarified, showing her his wedding ring, which he had forgotten to take off.

Kate nodded,  _ “sorry. I was not aware S-H-I-E-L-D allowed their people to marry.” _

_ “I keep it on the down low, and I didn’t ask SHIELD for permission.” _

_ “Better to ask forgiveness than permission?”  _ Kate signed.

_ “Finally, someone who speaks my language,”  _ Clint replied with a shit eating grin.

“ _ Literally,”  _ Kate signed, smirking.

_ “I’m glad you caught my pun.” _

_ “Me too.” _

_ “It would’ve been sad if you hadn’t.” _

_ “Y-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-h.” _

Clint laughed, maybe this mission would actually be fun. He was certainly enjoying himself.

“You should all get some rest,” the pilot suggested over the comms system, “We’ve got a thirteen hour flight.”

“Damn,” Clint muttered, “I don’t remember signing up for a cross-country and/or international flight.”

“It was in the file,” One of the agents said in a bored tone, scooting forward in their seat to get comfortable. “Maybe if you had read it, you'd have known.”

“I still didn’t sign up for it,” Clint snipped.

“ _ Sorry,”  _ Kate signed, looking sheepish.

_ “Don’t apologize, you’re the best part of this trip.” _

_ “Still,”  _ Kate signed back.

Clint shrugged,  _ “kid, I really don’t mind it, I’m just bitching, it’s what I do.” _

_ “Oh. Okay,”  _ Kate said, rubbing the back of her neck.

_ “Anyway, we probably should actually get some sleep.” _

_ “Probably.” _

They ended up chatting for another hour at least before actually going to sleep. Even then, he was pretty certain that she didn’t rest at all. And to be fair, he was in the same boat. It was confirmed when she got up when everyone was passed out, headed for the back of the plane. Her pale skin and white hair practically glowing in the darkness. She stretched her legs for a bit before coming back and sitting down, leg tapping against her leg as she dug through the small purse she had.

Clint considered saying something, but figured he’d probably only succeed in scaring her. So he stayed still as she pulled out headphones and a dinky looking black MP3. He must be spending way too much time at Avengers Tower where literally everything was top of the line, because he couldn’t stop the thought of how old it was from going through his mind. He watched as she put in her headphones, and started bobbing her head to the music, tapping her thigh to the rhythm.

Clint pulled his gaze away to the window next to him, was it too late -or early- to call Lance, maybe he’d still be awake. Worst case, he’d wait for a reply until the bastard woke up. Maybe if he sent enough text messages, the notification sound would wake him up? He felt like that would be a little cruel. Really cruel, actually. It was worth it! Clint pulled out his phone with a devilish smile. He saw Kate jump out of the corner of his eye, the poor girl almost stood up before realizing it was just him, and facepalmed. Clint sheepishly waved at her in response.

She waved a hand at him while trying to breathe again. Clint looked back at his phone as he typed out countless texts that said something along the lines of:

_ Hey _

_ Hey _

_ Hey _

_ Pay attention to me _

_ Hey _

_ Hey are you asleep _

_ Hey _

_ Hey _

_ Hey _

And so on.

Until finally, he got a response,

**What the fuck, Clint?**

Oh no, Lance was using proper grammar in a text, at three am. Clint was  _ dead _ .

_ Hi. How are you? _

**Fine, until I woke up to this.**

_ Well, you did say to talk when I had a chance. I have a chance. _

**It’s three am, I have to get up in three hours to get YOUR children to school on time.**

_ It’s fine, they take the bus.  _ Clint grinned at the text before he sent it.

**Go to hell.**

_ Close to heaven rn sorry. _

**Jump.**

_ Lmao. Can’t at the moment, sorry. Canned in. _

**Do you think I care?**

_ Nope. But how would the russian girl live with the idiots on board? _

**The way I see it, she’d be minus one huge idiot. So win.**

Clint smirked before sending  _ she’s mute and no one else knows ASL, wanna rethink there? _

**No.**

_ Ouch. Why not? _

**Because you're still an idiot.**

Clint chuckled lightly  _ your point? They gave her a notebook to write what she’s saying. A FREAKIN’ NOTEBOOK, LANCE. _

**You work with these dicks? How?**

_ Idk. Not sure they’re shield tbh.  _ They had seemed a little not american.

**Well, if they’re Hydra goons, shoot one in the dick for me, yeah?**

_ Hell yeah _

**And when you kill the last one, drop to your knees and sing ‘Mmm whatcha say’**

_ And you say /I’m/ the idiot here. _

**I’m just telling you to do what you’d do anyway.**

_ I wouldn’t waste the time. _

**Wouldn’t you though?**

_ No!... maybe. In certain situations. _

Lance sent him the music video for that song in response with the caption  **just in case.**

Clint laughed, covering his mouth to stifle it somewhat,  _ i love you. _

**I love you too, sweetheart.**

_ Ugh. _

**You know you love it.**

_ Right, hun, sure. _

**You doooooo.**

_ Nooooooooo. _

**Yeeeeesssss.**

_ Nuuuuuuuuuuuuu. _

**Lying does not become you.**

_ Being a bitch doesn’t become you. _

**I’m not a bitch, you are.**

_ You sure about that? _

**I have no doubt that you are my pretty little bitch.**

_ Try me. _

**Are you sure you want to play this game?**

_ Yesish. _

**Positive? Because I’ve got an entire folder of shit that is guaranteed to get you hot and bothered.**

Clint looked around, debating what Lance would have, curious as hell.  _ Ish. _

**So confident in yourself.**

_ Aren’t I just? _

**You still haven’t told me if you’re sure you want to play this game, Omega**

Damn. He was pulling this shit early. Clint bit his lip, sending way too slowly  _ I am. _

The only reply he got was a picture of Lance, shirtless and in bed with red eyes. The whole thing was a work of art, if Clint was being honest.

_ Damn. That’s hot. But I thought it’d be better. _

**I’m just getting started.**

_ Good. _

The next picture was a goddamn tease, Lance was completely naked in this one, but posing so Clint couldn’t see much of anything.

_ Tease.  _ Clint sent, shifting in his seat a little, glancing around to make sure everyone was still not looking or asleep.

**That’s the idea.**

Clint rolled his eyes.  _ Could be better. _

**Sweetie, I’m just getting warmed up.**

_ Good. I’ve got fourteen ish hours to kill. _

**Then I’ll be sure to keep you busy.**

_ You better. _

Clint got another tease picture, just in a different pose. Goddamn, Lance was going to kill him.

_ Do better, jeez.” _

**Patience.**

_ Fuck you. _

**Oh, I’m getting there.**

_ Oh, long distance nos?  _ Clint asked, grimacing when he read it  _ after _ he sent it. Damn typos.

**What?**

_ Now. You know what I meant. _

**Yes, and?**

_ Twerp. _

**But a sexy twerp.**

_ Depends, maybe give me a frontal so I can check. _

**I dunno, my backside is definitely my good side.**

_ Oh fuck yeah. _

Clint was gifted with a fucking beautiful image of Lance’s back and ass, which begged the question, how did he get these photos?

_ Goddamn. Nice angle.  _ Clint coughed, getting up and walking to the bathroom.

**Got you going yet, Clint?**

_ Meh. _

**Meh?** Clint could hear Lance’s offense in the text.

_ You read me. _

**Maybe you don’t deserve any more pictures.**

Clint smirked, shucking off his shirt, taking a picture and sending it  _ then it’s my turn. _

**Amature.** Lance sent a picture of his silhouette against the setting sun, again, he was cleary naked. The son of a bitch.

Clint grinned  _ but it got me another great picture. _

**Did you really think I’d give up the opportunity to turn you on while you’re on a mission… again?**

_ Nope. I was counting on it. _

**Oh really?**

_ Yep  _ Clint sent a picture of his abs, pants really low on his hips.

Lance responded with a picture of him in a pair of boxers that left nothing to the imagination.

_ Mhm. Damn hun. _

**I’ve been stockpiling these bad boys for a while now.**

_ I can tell. Not seeing anything spectacular tho. _

**I’m getting there.**

_ Get there faster. _

**No.**

_ Aw, why not? _

**Because you want me to.**

_ And if I have to go in a bit? _

**Do you?**

_ Probs. _

**Shame.**

_ Ikr? _

The next picture was one that, for once, wasn‘t a goddamn tease.

Clint covered his mouth to keep from groaning, biting his lip harshly  _ goddamn Lance. _

**I wish I could hear you right now.**

_ Damn, me too babe. _

Clint’s phone went off as Lance called him.

“Babe, can’t really talk loud right now,” Clint said quietly, opening the door to peek out before locking it again.

“That’s half the fun,” Lance replied.

“Damn it, Lance,” Clint swore.

“So, I gotta ask,” Lance said in his ‘sex god’ voice, “how turned on are you?”

“Yes.”

“Is that all I'm going to get?”

“For now,” Clint said coyly, “depends on what I get out of it.”

“What do you want out of it?”

“A hella good fucking when I get back,” Clint replied quietly.

“Oh, don’t worry, it’ll be marathon sex until you can’t stand.”

Clint groaned quietly in response, biting his lip again.

“I’ll tease you until you’re begging me to fuck you hard and fast,” Lance said huskily.

“Fuck,” Clint moaned, covering his mouth to stifle the noise, catching sight of his red tinted gold eyes. Well shit.

“You won’t remember your own name. The only thing you'll be calling me is Alpha, almost like you’re in heat.” 

“Damn it, Lance,” Clint muttered, swallowing thickly.

“You asked for it, Clint. No, you practically  _ begged  _ for it.”

“For texts!” Clint exclaimed quietly.

“And you got this instead, don’t know why you’re complaining.”

“Because I’m in a full plane!”

“Yeah, bet your pants are feeling pretty tight right now, maybe you should ditch them,” Lance suggested.

“Lance,” Clint groaned. “I can’t do this right now!” It’s not that he didn’t want to though.

“What’s stopping you? You know how to be quiet.”

“Damn it,” Clint swore, unbuckling his belt.

“So is that a yes?”

“Yes. For now.”

“I’ll take it.”

“Then get on with it,” Clint said, leaning against the wall.

“Your eyes will turn gold with one kiss,” Lance promised.

“Mhm,” Clint sounded.

“You’ll make that little breathy whimper I love so much, in fact, It’ll be the predominant sound coming out of that pretty little mouth of yours.”

“Fuck, Lance,” Clint breathed.

“Just like that,” Lance told him, his voice even lower than usual.

Clint groaned, covering his mouth again, glancing at the door, “goddamnit, Lance.”

“You know you love it.”

“Duh.”

“What about you? What else do you want besides a damn good fucking?”

“Bout it hun.”

“No specific requests?” God, that shouldn’t be sexy.

Clint bit his lip, thinking it over.

“Don’t keep me waiting too long,  _ Omega.” _

“God damn you, I’m thinking.”

“I’m aware,” Lance replied smoothly.

“Stop being a bitchy Alpha.”

“You’re the bitch in this relationship, Clint.”

“Sure I am.”

“You are,” Lance all but growled.

Clint smirked, “uh huh.”

“We established this a few hours ago, you’re my little bitch.”

“And?” Clint taunted, “I like hearing you say it.”

“That you’re my bitch?”

“That’s the one.”

“Noted.”

“I’m glad,” Clint said as rustling from outside let him know people were starting to move around, “damn it. Why already?”

“Do you  _ have  _ to go?”

“I dunno,” Clint answered.

“Then stay,” Lance requested, voice low and husky.

Clint let out a small whine, but hesitated, “I’ll call you back, kay?”

A small sigh. “Okay.”

“Sorry,” Clint said before hanging up with a sigh. He grabbed his shirt and redid his belt, praying that his eyes would go back to normal before someone told him to get out of the bathroom. Geeh, this was fun. He really needed a break from all this SHIELD shit.

“Where’s Barton?” Someone asked from outside the door.

“Dead,” Clint muttered under his breath.

“Bathroom,” Someone answered after a moment, “Ms. Volkova says so.” Wait, Volkova? Oh, that rang a couple bells.

“How long has he been in there? For fuck’s sake.”

There was another pause before someone reported, “only a couple minutes apparently.”

“Can I go home now?” Clint quietly asked the air.

There was a groan after a few more minutes, “c’mon, Barton, Jesus!”

“Yeah, yeah!” Clint called back, opening the door and slipping out. “Just give me a minute, will you?”

“You’ve had enough time, for Christ’s sake,” One of the agents that looked familiar grumbled, slipping past him into the bathroom.

“Not my problem,” Clint muttered as he went to find his seat.

He found a pair of black sunglasses on it, no explanation for them whatsoever. Not that he really needed one as he slipped them on.

_ “Hope your husband is alright,” _ Kate signed with a grin.

_ “He’s doing great, a little cranky though,”  _ Clint signed back.

“ _ It’s probs late t-h-o.” _

_ “Or early, depending on how you look at it.” _

“ _ True.” _

_ “He’s p-r-o-b-s going to kill me when I see him next.” _

_ “Hope it’s worth the blue balls,”  _ Kate signed with a smirk.

_ “It’s always worth it,”  _ Clint assured her.

She snorted in response. “ _ Sure, h-u-n.” _

Clint smirked,  _ “hey, I’m a p-r-o when it comes to Lance, I know how to push his buttons.” _

_ “Fun.”  _ Kate sighed.  _ “So how long have you been joined?” _

_ “I dunno, it’s been a while, pretty much my entire adult life, I guess.” _

_ “That’s a-w-e-s-m.” _

_ “Yeah, it is.” _

_ “So have you always been deaf?” _

_ “No, went deaf pretty soon after joining up.” _

_ “That’s r-o-u-g-h. Sorry.” _

_ “Nah, it’s chill. Makes for a lot of good excuses.” _

_ “Truth,”  _ Kate signed, nodding her head, though her lips were slightly pursed, like she didn’t agree.

_ “What about you? Have you always been mute?” _

_ “No. Just a couple years ago.” _

_ “Oh.” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “So, do you have any idea where we’re going? Because I barely read the stupid file.” _

_ “Only the pilot knows, cause my father is,”  _ She made a sign that he didn’t know, pausing afterward, thinking it over, and she looked a little confused, _ “p-a-r-a-n-o-d?” _

Clint nodded,  _ “yeah, that makes sense. I mean, fathers do what they can, right? Even if it’s bullshit.”  _ He hoped she couldn’t see how little he believed that himself.

She raised an eyebrow in response, “ _ overkill is still a very big thing.” _

_ “Well, duh.” _

_ “And he trusts no one,”  _ Kate signed with a sigh that was bit wheezy.

_ “Now that I can’t help you with.” _

_ “Sadly.” _

_ “Oh well, we can still ditch the stuffy j-a-c-k-a-s-s-e-s in suits when we land.” _

_ “Good.” _

_ “Yeah, no kidding.” _

_ “Some of them are not trustworthy,”  _ Kate signed, looking casual about it.  _ “Alpha s-u-p-r-e-m-i-s-t.” _

Clint grimaced,  _ “Dicks.” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “You know, I have a friend who would absolutely love to put them in their place.” _

_ “Oh?” _

_ “Yeah, are you familiar with the name Tony Stark?” _

Kate nodded, “ _ icon. Me.” _

_ “He’s a huge Omega rights activist, as I’m sure you know. He actually went off on Captain America after a misunderstanding. It was great.” _

_ “That is,”  _ Kate signed with a grin, her lips almost the same color as her teeth.

Clint nodded in agreement.  _ “Yeah, maybe we could call him and put him on speaker and have him go off on their asses.” _

_ “Be funny.” _

_ “It’d be fucking hilarious, since he’s probably got the hangover of the century.” _

_ “O-o-f.” _

_ “Yeah, it would d-e-f be worth the pissiness though.” _

_ “Of course.” _

Clint pulled out his phone.  _ “Should I do it?” _

_ “P-r-o-b-s not,”  _ Kate said with a smirk.

_ “I want to t-h-o.” _

_ “He about went we,”  _ Kate made a sign, then frowned and pulled out her phone, typing on it and showing Clint the screen, “ _ Land?” _

_ “Works for me.” _

_ “Cool.” _

Clint nodded, a yawn escaping him, reminding him that he hadn’t slept last night. Whoops. 

_ “Sleep now,”  _ Kate signed, “ _ might as well till the plane lands.” _

_ “Yeah,”  _ Clint agreed.  _ “That’s a good idea.”  _ he leaned the seat back as far as it would go, a nap sounded really good. He folded his arms over his chest, leaning his chin on his chest. He was out within minutes.


	4. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The only time I feel old is the morning after I drink like a much younger person."  
> -unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Two chapters in the same day? Yes, it is! It's my way of apologizing for missing the last update!

Steve wanted to know who turned up the brightness of, well, everything. He also wanted to know what he was doing sprawled on the coffee table. And without his shirt. That was weird. He let out a low groan, his head felt like someone had repeatedly bashed it with his shield. “Ow. Goddamn. Ow.”

“For gosh sake, watch your language.” Came a familiar smug voice.

“The hell do you want?” Steve groaned, crawling to the couch to flop on it. Only to land on the owner of the voice.

“For one, maybe some more respect from the guy who made out with me more than a couple times last night, and maybe an answer on how you like your coffee,” Tony told him blandly.

Steve squinted to the kitchen, “what about kissing?”

“Turns out, you’re a horny drunk.”

“Oh no.”

“As far as I can remember, we just kissed a little, no big deal. So how do you take your coffee?”

“Er, black?” Steve said, rubbing his face to try to stop the blush from creeping up his neck.

“Really?” Tony asked as he got up. “I would’ve taken you for a more cream and sugar than actual coffee kinda guy.”

“Nope, sugar was too expensive, so I got used to it.”

Tony winced. “Right. Sorry, I forgot.”

“It’s fine.”

“Anyway, coffee,” Tony said, more to himself than to Steve as he made his way to the kitchen.

“Ngh,” Steve replied, flopping onto the couch. Damn, that was comfortable. Not as comfortable as when he could use Tony as a pillow, but whatever. It was fine.

Tony came back with two cups of coffee so strong Steve could taste it from a foot away.

“You are god,” Steve said gratefully, grabbing the cup.

“You were singing a different tune last night, Capsicle,” Tony told him deviously.

“I-I was?” Steve stammered, face heating up.

“Yeah, you implied that you were close to a god. Which, I mean, you’ve got the sex god voice down pat, so yeah.”

“Oh god. Kill me,” Steve groaned, embarrassed as hell.

“It was pretty hot, not gonna lie.”

Steve hid his face in the cushion, setting the mug on the ground, groaning into the couch.

“Also, your eyes were purple.”

“They what?” Steve asked, looking up at the Omega.

“Your eyes, they were purple.”

“I thought they went red?” Steve asked, looking confused. Had he been wrong?

“They do, but in the transition period from blue to red, they turn purple. It’s how most blue-eyed Alphas work. Duh. it’s basic biology, moron.”

“Sorry,” Steve muttered, going back to osteraging his face.

“Don’t sweat it.”

“Whatever,” Steve muttered, voice muffled.

“Are you even going to drink your coffee? I promise it’ll help.”

Steve reached over, grabbing the mug and chugged the entire thing in seconds, holding Tony to his words.

Tony blinked, “What the fuck?”

“It didn't help,” Steve bitched.

“Give it a minute. And how did you not burn your mouth?”

“I dunno,” Steve said with a shrug, “super soldier shit?”

“Language.” Tony’s smirk was probably the most infuriating thing this morning.

“Bite me,” Steve moaned.

“You’re the biter.”

“I am?

“Yeah. Or at least that’s what Thor told me.”

“Thor? He watched?” Steve said, back tensing, giving Tony a  _ very  _ good view.

“You made out with me in front of everyone, dumbass,” Tony said with an eye roll as he sipped his coffee.

“I can’t remember.”

“Shame.”

“Ugh.”

“Maybe I could help you remember?”

Steve looked up at him, “how?” He asked hesitantly.

“Demonstration.”

“Meaning?” Steve asked cautiously, a bit of color creeping into his cheeks.

Tony set his coffee on the table, “Simple, we reenact last night. C’mere, Stevie boy.”

Steve sat up slowly, biting his lip.

Tony was smirking widely. “Well? Are you interested or not?”

“Uh, well, I...”

“You…?”

“Not opposed?” Steve asked timidly.

“Then kiss me.”

“I- what?”

“Kiss. Me.”

“I-wh-wel-” Steve stammered, going bright red and looking at Tony’s feet.

Tony scooted a little closer. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, just some recollection, that’s all. We’re consenting adults, we can do this shit.”

“I- okay. I guess.” Steve said timidly.

Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck. “C’mon, where’s that commanding Alpha from last night?”

“Not drunk,” Steve replied, putting his hands on Tony’s hips gently, almost hesitantly.

“That’s not an excuse, I’ve seen him before on missions. Where is he now?”

Steve went a little bit more red, “different entirely, Stark.”

“Is it?”

“Kinda,” Steve replied.

“I don’t think it is.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s you.”

“Huh?” Steve asked, meeting his eyes, his blue eyes flecked very lightly with red.

“Do you really think that just because you’re drunk, or in a high-stress situation, that it’s ‘not you’ or some existential shit.”

“Oh,” Steve sheepishly,

“Now, are you going to kiss me or not?”

Steve let out a small growl, pulling Tony closer, just barely not kissing him, “nope, not yet.”

Tony frowned, “Why not?”

“You try to boss me? Hell fuckin’ no,” Steve said, smirking a little, eyes going more red.

“Make me stop.”

“Fine,” Steve replied, suddenly pressing Tony into the couch, kissing him hard enough to leave the Omega breathless. Steve quickly came to the conclusion that coffee tasted better off of Tony’s lips, and that it definitely felt familiar, only he had tasted alcohol before. He bit Tony’s lip, tugging it lightly. He earned a quiet whine in response.

“Is that the best you can do?” Tony asked breathlessly when they broke the kiss for air.

Steve smirked, “no, but it’s starting to come back to me. You had vodka too, last night, that is.”

“Huh?” Tony asked, eyes focusing only a little bit, enough to look confused.

“You grabbed vodka last night.”

“Oh.”

“Shame you don’t taste like it anymore.”

Tony smirked, “oh, what do I taste like then, Captain?”

“Coffee,” Steve said simply, his hands gripping Tony’s hips possessively.

“Is that it?” Tony asked with a smirk, “why don’t you make sure you're right?”

“Why don’t you stop questioning me?”

“Why?” Tony asked mockingly, “it’s fun.”

“Clearly, you need to learn some respect,” Steve answered, voice edging on a growl.

“Mhm. Do I?” Tony taunted.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re a fucking Omega.” Probably shouldn’t have said that.

“‘Scuse me, asshat?” Tony asked, suddenly looking pissed off.

Yeah, definitely shouldn’t have worded it like that. “Uhhh- I mean- well…”

“Fuck you, get off of me,” Tony snapped.

Steve scrambled to the other side of the couch. “I didn’t mean it like that. It just slipped out. I’m sorry.”

“Uh huh,” Tony said flatly, grabbing his coffee and he stood up, his ass eye level with Steve’s face for a second before he headed to the kitchen.

“Tony, please,” Steve said, following him in. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Sure.”

“I didn’t! I’m really sorry, please don’t be mad at me.”

“Dumbass.”

“...Yeah, I know.”

“You sure?” Tony asked, rounding on him, “are you  _ absolutely sure? _ ”

“Yes! I didn’t think before I said that, and I’m sorry.”

“Pretty obvious you didn’t think,” Tony said flatly, digging through the fridge for something to eat.

“I know. Please, I’m sorry.”

“Just this once I’ll forget it,” Tony said tersely.

“Thank you,” Steve said, collapsing on the counter in sheer relief.

“Drama king.”

“No, just fucking grateful you let this go.”

“Language.”

“Tonyyyyyy.”

“Fuck off, I’m food hunting.”

“I’m here. Eat me.” Steve didn’t know if he meant that in an edgy sense or a sexual sense at this point.

“Dumbass,” Tony remarked with an eye roll, “no nutritional value at all.”

“Do you even care about nutritional value? Last week you lived off of marshmallows and potato chips.”

“Yeah, cause marshmallows.”

“They’re pure sugar.”

“And I want them now, thanks,” Tony said, digging through the cupboard to grab the bag.

“That can’t be healthy,” Steve said, giving Tony a horrified look.

“Your point?”

“You’re gonna make yourself sick,” Steve told him, shaking his head.

“Already sick of life, soooo…”

“Tony, please don’t.”

Tony looked him straight in the eye as he bit into one of the fluffy sugarified marshmallows.

“Okay, no, I can’t stand by for this,” Steve said, getting up and taking the bag from Tony. “Sit down, I’m making you an actual breakfast.”

“Give it back!” Tony whined, grabbing at the bag.

“After you eat real food.”

“That is!” Tony cried, tugging on the bag.

Steve pulled it back, lifting it above his head. “Sit down, Tony, I’ll make waffles or something.”

“I will climb you like a fucking tree for those,” Tony promised.

“And I believe you, but please, for the sake of your health, let me make you something,” Steve pleaded.

“No,” Tony said, grabbing Steve’s arm to haul himself up.

Steve lifted Tony off of the floor so they were eye level with each other. “You can eat the marshmallows after.”

“Or I can eat them now,” Tony said, snatching the bag from the Alpha, pushing off him to start running.

Tony barely made it out of the kitchen before Steve grabbed him around the waist and carried him back in, taking the white fluffy goodness from him.

“Bitch!”

“I think ‘dick’ would be more accurate, Stark.”

“No you’re a bitch right now!” Tony growled.

Steve laughed as he set Tony down on the counter, “Yeah. Okay, whatever.”

“Let go of me, you stupid Alpha!”

“No,” Steve said, impulsively kissing Tony’s cheek.

“Ugh!” Brat!” Tony exclaimed, shoving the alpha away.

“Tony, seriously, I’m not going to let you do this to yourself.”

“Too bad. I’m in charge of me, not you, medieval, back-water, dickweed.”

“If that was the case you’d be the one cooking, not me,” Steve pointed out. “So would you prefer waffles or pancakes?”

“Nutella,” Tony said stubbornly, hopping off the counter, headed for the pantry.  _ “Alpha.” _

Steve let out a growl, grabbing Tony and slamming his lips against Tony’s. 

Tony let out a sound that was half growling protest, half, ‘oh my god’.

“Maybe you should watch what you say,” Steve said huskily.

“What, Alpha?” Tony taunted.

“Actually, don’t,” Steve replied, kissing Tony again.

Tony smirked against his lips.

Steve pressed Tony against the counter as he practically devoured his lips.

Tony found he didn’t mind the marble cutting into his back at this point, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck.

“God, you’re going to kill me,” Steve muttered.

And why is that,  _ Alpha? _ ” Tony asked with a smirk.

“Because you drive me nuts,” Steve replied, kissing just below Tony’s ear.

“Mhm,” Tony sounded, “guess I’ve gotta up my game then.”

“Then you’d really kill me.”

“Think that’s my goal,” Tony replied, grabbing Steve’s face, to haul him closer.

“Not a bad way to go,” Steve decided, kissing the corner of Tony’s mouth.

“Nope,” Tony agreed.

Steve picked Tony up and placed him on the counter. “Not at all.”

“Asshole,” Tony muttered, shoving him, not really trying too hard.

Steve shrugged, “I can live with that, Stark.”

Tony stuck out his tongue in response like the mature billionaire he was.

Steve smirked and bit Tony’s tongue.

“What the fuck?” Tony asked, tongue in Steve’s mouth for a second before he drew it back in shock.

“You said it yourself,” Steve said, kissing along Tony’s jaw. “I’m a biter.”

Tony gaped at him for a moment longer. “Wha-what?”

“You heard me,” Steve replied smugly.

“But what the actual fuck?”

“I don’t know what you’re so worried about,” Steve said, smirking against Tony’s skin.

“I’m not worried,” Tony replied, breath catching ever so slightly.

“Of course not,” Steve agreed easily.

“But  _ why?” _ Tony asked, “why the tongue? That’s a bit weird.”

Steve shrugged, “I dunno, I just felt like it.”

“Weirdo.”

“And?”

“But  _ what?” _

“Nothing, apparently.”

“Whatever,” Tony sighed, pulling Steve closer, “I’m still way too overdressed,” he smirked and added in the most innocent voice he could, “Alpha.”

Steve smirked, “I can change that.”

“You fucking better,” Tony said seriously.

“Now what did I say about bossing me around?” Steve asked lightly, hands fiddling with the hem of Tony’s shirt.

“That it’s a kink for you.”

“Oh hell  _ no,”  _ Steve growled, pushing Tony flat on his back.

Tony let out a little yelp of surprise at suddenly being on his back, “easy,  _ Alpha _ ,” he ordered with a smirk.

“You really think that’s going to work,  _ Omega?”  _ Steve asked, his eyes a reddish purple.

Tony let the comment go for now, “fuck yes,” he said sassily.

“Think again,” Steve said, crashing his lips onto Tony’s, leaving no room for a fight for dominance. Tony let out a moan in response, damn, this should not be fucking hot as hell.

“I’m going to ask you one more time,” Steve growled in his ear, “What did I say about you bossing me around?”

“What happens if I get it wrong?” Tony snarkily asked.

“Are you sure you want to find out?” Steve replied lowly.

“Yeah, yeah I am,” Tony said defiantly, eyes gleaming mischievously.

“Then I guess you better figure it out. Aren’t you all about trial and error?” Steve said, his muscles tensing slightly.

“It’s a kink for you,” Tony drawled slowly, smirking widely.

“Is it now?” Steve asked, one hand trailing down Tony’s chest. Fuck, he was way too calm about this.

“Yep,” Tony replied breathlessly.

“Hmm, you sure?” Steve asked, his hand fiddling with Tony’s pants, almost like he was going to take them off.

“I’m sure,” Tony said,voice a little higher than normal.

“Positive?” And now Steve was palming him, great.

Tony moaned, grabbing Steve biceps, “yes-fuck.”

“You don’t sound very sure,” Steve said with a smirk, adding a little more pressure.

“Goddamn,” Tony whined, grabbing Steve’s hand.

Steve leaned back so he could pull his hand away, the other one finding his way up and down Tony’s sides. “You sure you don’t want to rethink your answer, Stark?”

“I-I’m sure,” Tony breathed.

“Hmm, no I don’t think you are,” Steve said, carefully running a finger down Tony’s inner thigh. “Are you?”

Tony let out another high pitched whine, “Yes. Fuck, Steve.”

“Still not convinced,” Steve told him, skimming his hand along the exposed skin where Tony’s shirt had rode up.

“Damn it, Rogers,” Tony moaned.

“Yeah, really not convinced that you’re sure. Would you like to change your answer?” Steve asked, his fucking wandering hands not stopping, if anything, they sped up.

“Yes, I’m fucking sure,” Tony breathed.

Steve leaned down and licked the shell of Tony’s ear, thankfully, he had to use one hand to support himself. “Are you?”

“Yes?” Tony replied, biting his lip.

“You don’t sound very sure,” Steve told him, trailing his lips across Tony’s jawline.

“God fuck you,” Tony muttered breathlessly.

“I’d much rather fuck you,” Steve said conversationally.

Tony rolled his eyes, “well yeah, because I’m so fuckable. Duh. Everyone wants to sleep with me.”

“Did I say I wanted to sleep with you?” Steve replied darkly. “No, I said I wanted to fuck you. It’s different.”

“Glad an old man like you knows the difference,” Tony snarked.

“Do you know the difference, Stark?” Steve asked, nibbling Tony’s earlobe.

“Duh. Playboy, remember?”

“Then what is it? If you don’t mind sharing,” Steve said, biting Tony’s collarbone, hard.

Tony moaned, temporarily losing track of the conversation.

“Well? If your such a playboy, you should know.”

“And you’re too goddamn old to know, so ha,” Tony replied sassily.

“Oh, I know, Stark.”

“Uh huh,” Tony replied, unconvinced.

Steve’s smirk was far too sexy to be allowed as he once again palmed Tony. “I do.”

Tony hips jumped, and he moaned, biting his lip hard to keep quiet, “sure ya do, ya dirty old man.”

“Says the dirty little slut.”

Tony momentarily forgot how to fucking breath.

“What? You didn’t think I don’t know about your reputation?”

“Didn’t think you were young enough to know words like that, gramps,” Tony snarked.

“Well, I do,” Steve replied, adding more pressure to Tony.

“Fuck,” Tony moaned, nails biting into Steve’s shoulder.

“Now, I believe I was asking you if you’re certain about your answer,” Steve said calmly, “are you?”

“What do I get out of it if I say what you want?” Tony panted.

“How about I stop teasing you and just give you what you want?” Steve offered, adding even more pressure.

Tony let out a whine, arching his back, “fine.”

Alright,” Steve said, “What did I say about bossing me around?”

“That you kink shame me when I say something else,” Tony said with a smirk, pretty out of breath.

“Not quite,” Steve said, “Shall we try again?”

“Nope. It counts.”

“And why do you get to decide what counts?”

“My ass you wanna shove your dick in, my decision what counts,” Tony said simply.

“Don’t act like you don’t want it, Stark,” Steve tutted, pulling away slightly.

“I’m not,” Tony replied, raising an eyebrow, “guess you make an ass outta that assumption.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute, Tony.”

“Cute?!” Tony exclaimed, sitting straight up, “bitch,  _ puh-lease!” _

“You are,” Steve said matter-of-factly, not seeing the problem.

“Oh, huney,” Tony said in a mockingly sympathetic tone, “you must have never fucked a guy before, have you?” He went so far as to pat Steve’s hair condescendingly. “Didn’t get any of Bucky’s ass, huh?”

Steve grabbed Tony’s wrist, carefully tracing little figure eights on it. “I wouldn’t be so sure that I’ve never fucked a guy, Stark.”

“Oooh?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, voice carefully controlled.

“Spill,” Tony said eagerly. This was new.

“Hmm, no.”

“So you haven’t,” Tony said smugly.

“No, I have.”

“Sure,” Tony said dubiously.

“I have,” Steve said simply, still tracing infinity symbols on Tony’s wrist absentmindedly.

“Whatever,” Tony said, slipping his wrist from the Alpha’s grip. “It’s fine if you’re a sweet little virgin.”

Steve smirked and pulled Tony close. “I’m no virgin, Stark.”

“Prove it,” Tony challenged, “that is, if you can, Alpha.”

Steve’s eyes were dangerously close to red as he pulled him in for a bruising kiss.

“Is kissing all you got?” Tony taunted, “that and  _ trying _ to jerk me?”

Steve’s low chuckle sent shivers down Tony’s spine. Then said spine was blasted with cold air as Steve ripped Tony’s shirt in half.

“That’s better,” Tony snarked.

“Do you still think I’m a virgin?” Steve asked, well, more like growled.

“Hmh. Don’t know, still haven’t convinced me, Alpha,” Tony said smugly.

“I can do that,” Steve promised, pushing Tony onto his back again, the marble a lot colder than last time. 

He shivered. “Then get to it.”

“I’d rather take my time,” Steve said, slowly kissing and nipping his way down Tony’s chest.

“Damn you,’ Tony muttered, grabbing a fist full of Steve’s hair, tugging it in retaliation. He couldn't decide if it was the right or wrong thing to do when Steve let out a moan. He did it again, harder this time to test that little tidbit out. He earned a much louder groan from the Alpha. “Ha, kinky bugger.”

“Remember what they say about people who live in glass houses, Stark,” Steve replied.

“I throw rocks, that’s what it means,” Tony said snarkily.

“Sure,” Steve said sarcastically. “That’s what it means.”

“What else would it mean?” Tony asked innocently.

“In this case. You’re just as kinky as me, guarantee it.”

“And? Also, I am soooo much kinkier, hun.”

“Still. Glass houses.”

“Are for Cinderella.”

“Maybe you should just shut up, Stark. There are better uses for your mouth.”

“You’re right! Where’s the rum?”

Steve shook his head as he ran his hand down Tony’s chest slowly, carefully gauging the Omega’s reaction. When he got to the scar tissue around the reactor, Tony gasped loudly, throwing his head back with a moan, grabbing Steve’s hand as if to ground himself.

“Sensitive?” Steve asked with a smirk, tracing the more clear scars with his finger.

“S-Steve!” Tony exclaimed, back arching off the counter.

“Damn,” Steve muttered, “what a pretty sight.”

“Shu- fuck,” Tony moaned, muscles tensing as he squirmed.

“Hmm, I wonder,” Steve said to himself as he leaned down, gently kissing the scar tissue there, as close to the arc reactor as he dared to go.

“Fuck!” Tony yelled, grabbing Steve’s hair desperately.

Steve bit down a groan in favor of lightly blowing on the area he had just kissed.

“Steve,” Tony whined, “god-”

“Yes, Tony?” Steve asked, looking at him briefly.

“I swear,” Tony panted, “just fuck me already!”

“I’m having too much fun here. What sound do you think you’d make if I bit you, here?” Steve asked, running his fingers over the scars.

Tony whined loudly, “fuck, Rogers.”

“Guess we’ll find out,” Steve said, gently nipping at Tony’s chest.

Tony’s breath caught, and he bit his lip hard, hips jumping to Steve’s.

“Hmm, interesting,” Steve said as if he were observing a science experiment.

“Oh fuck you.”

“I’m getting there.”

“Hurry up,” Tony said impatiently.

“Hmm, no,” Steve said, biting down on Tony’s chest a little harder.

Tony yelped, jumping a bit, biting his lip enough to draw blood now.

“I want to hear you, Stark,” Steve said huskily.

“Then… try... harder,” Tony panted.

“Bite you harder? I can do that,” Steve replied, biting down a lot harder on Tony’s scars.

Tony moaned loudly.

“Now that’s a sound I could get used to.”

“Oh shut it,” Tony grumbled, chest heaving.

“Why should I? You won’t.”

“Because there are better uses for your mouth,” Tony parroted snarkily.

“You’re right, these scars need some more attention,” Steve said, scraping his nails down Tony’s chest.

Tony let out a whine, grabbing Steve’s forearms, “Steeevveee.”

“Yes, Stark?” Steve asked, not stopping his ministrations.

“Goddamn it!” Tony yelped as Steve’s nail caught one of the scars, “don‘t stop now!”

“Alright,” Steve replied, biting down on the sensitive area.

Tony damn near screamed, spine arching almost painfully.

“You are so responsive,” Steve commented absently.

“I-it’s a gift,” Tony stammered.

“Oh, you have no idea,” Steve told him, blowing on the abused skin gently.

Tony moaned like a pin up whore, grabbing Steve’s face to kiss him.

Steve smirked into the kiss. “Too much for you?” He asked mockingly.

“Fuck me,” Tony growled.

“Ask nicely, and I’ll consider it,” Steve replied.

Tony rolled his eyes, catching sight of what looked like a hand holding a phone from behind the TV, “what the fuck?”

Steve followed his gaze. “That’s either Barton or Romanoff.”

“Yo, dipshit, get out!” Tony called.

“Maybe you should consider what I just caught on camera,” Nat replied as she calmly crawled out from behind the TV like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “Unless you want it all over Youtube.”

“That violates its policies,” Tony stated.

“There are other platforms.”

“But you said Youtube.”

“It was the first one that popped into my head,” Nat said with a shrug.

“Sure, hun.”

“My point still stands,” Nat told him. “I can and will spread this everywhere.”

“Not like there’s not other porn of me out there,” Tony said with a shrug, sitting up on his elbows.

“But is there of you and Captain America? That might have some bigger consequences than you or him want.”

“Not worried,” Tony said flippantly, facing Steve again.

“No?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow, his eyes crimson.

“Nope,” Tony said, grabbing him by the hair, kissing him soundly to prove his point.

Steve was all too happy to kiss back, quickly taking control.

“Try me, bitch,” Tony said, shoving him away to kiss his neck, smirking broadly. No way was he doing this again.

Steve tilted his head back as his hands found Tony’s scars again. Jackass.

“Fuck,” Tony moaned, flipping Nat off over his shoulder.

“Can we do this elsewhere?” Nat asked. “I want a sandwich.”

“Too bad,” Tony replied simply, “go spread the porn or something like a good little girl.”

“Tony,” Steve said quietly in a warning tone. “Be nice.”

“Why?” Tony said smugly, biting Steve’s collarbone, where it would be very visible.

“So the scary Russian spy doesn’t kill you before I’m done with you.”

“Meh,” Tony replied with a shrug, hopping off the counter calmly, “now, where are my mallows?”

“Not telling.”

“Bitch. Nat, get your sandwich,” Tony grumbled, going to the pantry.

Steve came up behind him and grabbed a granola bar, waving it in front of Tony’s face. “This is real food.”

“So is this,” Tony said, grabbing the nutella jar and holding it to his chest tightly, tensing to run.

“What is that?” Steve asked, looking curious.

Tony’s jaw dropped. “You’re shitting me.”

“Uhhh, no?”

“It’s a trick,” Nat said flippantly as she dug through the fridge.

“I swear, I have no clue what that stuff is,” Steve said, holding his hands up in surrender, a completely different stance than before. It was like talking to a different person.

Tony narrowed his eyes, holding a hand out to Nat, keeping his eyes on 

Steve, “spoon me.”

Nat rolled her eyes but handed him a spoon before going back to making her sandwich.

Tony seemed to just realize what he had said and cracked up. “Whoops.”

“At least you didn’t say fork me,” Nat commented dryly.

Tony snickered as he unscrewed the lid, taking a huge scoop on the spoon before passing it to Steve.

Steve gave him an unsure look but hesitantly eating a little bit, his eyes widening. “Holy shit, that’s good.”

“Yep. And it’s mine,” Tony said, holding the jar to his chest again.

“Uh huh,” Steve agreed, not really listening at this point.

“Bye!” Tony exclaimed, not liking the look in Steve’s eye, vaulting the island to book it out of the room, probably to his lab.

“You forgot your shirt! Or at least what's left of it!” Nat yelled after him.

“Keep it!”

“Gross!”

“Whatever, just give it to the kinky one!” Tony called over his shoulder, “it’s a trophy or some shit!”

“Glass houses, Stark!” Steve yelled.

“Bite me!”

“Already did!”

“Can’t do it again!” Tony yelled, pausing to pant by the elevator.

“We’ll see!”

“Whatever!” Tony said, pushing the button, keeping his back to the doors, watching for a certain Alpha since this was the only jar they had. Luckily, the elevator doors opened before he saw Steve. “I win, Alpha! Ha!” He proclaimed proudly.

“Sir?” JARVIS piped up, “who are you talking to?”

“Rogers,” Tony replied smugly. “By the way, save recordings from the kitchen from the last oh, half an hour or so to my personal computer, delete all the other copies.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Thanks J.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Down to the lab then?” Tony asked, sticking a finger in the jar, licking it clean.

“Of course.” The elevator started moving. God, Tony loved AI. He could be so fucking lazy. It was great.

“Sir, if I may, your heartbeat seems to be elevated a great deal.”

Tony chuckled, “oh, I know, J. It’s fine.”

“If you’re sure. I could call Dr. Banner if you would like.”

“Nah, nothing out of the ordinary here.”

“Very well.”

“Thanks, J. Could you also pull up the blueprints of my latest?” Tony asked absently, tracing a finger over his scars. They didn’t  _ seem _ too sensitive, did they? They had been when Steve touched them.

“Of course, your last project was implementing nano-technology into a television screen,” JARVIS informed him.

“That’s the one.”

“It will be ready for you once you reach the lab, sir. Will you be working all day or do you intend to socialize for once?”

“When did you get such a big attitude?”

“If my recollection is accurate, you programmed me to sass you, sir. Also, it is my primary directive to look out for your wellbeing, socializing is a main part of maintaining physical, mental, and emotional health.”

“I knew that last part,” Tony dismissed with a wave of his hand.

“Your actions say otherwise.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony said, licking some more nutella off his finger.

“So will you engage in social activities? Or should I simply call Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes to force you to do so?”

“You know what? I was being pretty damn social just a couple minutes ago,” Tony grumbled.

“I’m not sure having a heated make-out session with Captain Rogers was what psychologists were referring to when discussing the importance of a social life,” JARVIS replied.

“It’s how I took it,” Tony said flippantly, “besides, those same shrinks said physical relations were healthy, so ha.”

“Even with that, it's important to maintain other relationships.”

“I’ll start on that tomorrow,” Tony said.

“I think you would benefit from it today, perhaps Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes could assist you with your project.”

“It’s fine!” Tony protested, “I forbid you from calling Rhodey.”

“Dr. Banner then?”

“He’s not that kind of doctor,” Tony dismissed, wondering why J was being so pushy about this today.

“Perhaps Captain Rogers would enjoy spending time with you,” JARVIS suggested.

Tony snorted on nutella, spending a long ass time coughing and gasping for breath, “ahk!”

“You may be able to help him acclimate to the modern world some more. It’s my understanding that he still struggles a great deal.”

Tony sighed, “I’m not getting out of this, am I?”

“No,” JARVIS fucking  _ chirped. _

“Oh, you bastard.”

“So who shall it be? Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes, Dr. Banner, Captain Rogers, or someone else entirely?”

“Banner or Rogers, Tony sighed.

“Very well, seeing as Captain Rogers is awake and alert, I’ll have him come down to your lab at the earliest convenience.”

“This’ll be fun,” Tony muttered as the doors opened to his currently pristine lab. He figured it wouldn’t be by the time he had this shit figured out. His hands went to tug off his shirt before he remembered that, oh yeah, he didn’t have one on right now. Thank you, knothead Alpha known as Steve Rogers. Tony shook his head, headed to one of the workbenches, “holo please right here.”

“Yes, sir.” A holographic image of the nanites appeared in front of Tony’s face. He scrutinized it for a long moment, turning it this way and that. “Okay, this entire thing needs to be more streamlined, compact the wiring as much as possible and smooth out the hinges.”

“Done, sir,” JARVIS replied after a literal second, the diagram changing to the directed way.

“What material are we making this out of again?”

“Steel-vibranium alloy, sir, as your notes direct.”

“Okay… it needs a more reflective surface… make it an even smaller percentage of vibranium and varnish the outer layer.”

“Done,” JARVIS said as Dum-e bashed himself into Tony’s leg.

“Dude,” Tony said, looking down at the robot. “There are other ways of asking for attention.”

Dum-E let out an annoyed whir, bumping into Tony’s leg again like a pissed cat.

“What? What?” Tony asked, jumping back a little. What was this little guy’s problem?

Dum-E whirled away a little, turning back as it to say, ‘get your ass a’ followin’!’

Tony sighed but followed the robot anyway. “This better be good, or I’m putting you on yard duty. And in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have much yard.”

Dum-E lead him to a pile of fire extinguisher covered metal junk, which took Tony a minute to realize was his once newly made robot to help the currently pissed one.

“Oh no,” Tony mumbled, crouching down and picking up a piece of charred rubber. “What happened here?”

Dum-E whirred as JARVIS reported after a moment, “I believe your newest creation did this itself, sir.”

Tony covered his mouth with his hand. “Come again? Did you imply that my robot committed suicde?”

“Yes, Sir,” JARVIS said, almost hesitantly.

“Do you know why?” Tony demanded, going over the schematics of the new robot in his head.

“The emotion simulation program you ran in its programming.”

“Are you saying I should take it out?”

“I believe I am suggesting that you don’t recover this particular robot, sir.”

“But-” Tony couldn’t think of an argument.

Dum-E trilled sadly, bumping into the other robot.

“I know, buddy,” Tony said sympathetically. “I know.”

“Or modify its programming,” JARVIS suggested.

“To what? I don’t understand the issue, the emotion simulation program I made for Vision worked fine!” Tony exclaimed.

“I believe this one was an adolescent mentality.”

“Well, yeah, but still. What could I have done to help?”

“I have no idea, sir, the robot had disconnected from my access.”

Tony sighed, “I just don’t understand why this one focused so much on negative emotions, Vision is the exact opposite.”

“I am sorry, sir.”

“Should I fix it?” Tony asked timidly.

Dum-E trilled excitedly, nudging Tony a wrench, one that would not fit any of the robots joints it was that damn big.

Tony sighed, “I dunno, Dum-E, I’m not sure that’s the best idea.”

Dum-E whirled, backing up just a little bit.

“I know, I don’t like this either.”

Dum-E straight up turned away from Tony at that point.

“If I fix him,” Tony started, “you know he's not gonna be the exact same, right?”

Dum-E still didn’t acknowledge him, just went, grabbing a broom, and started sweeping the lab.

“Dum-E, c’mon, don’t be like that,” Tony said.

Dum-E let out an angry sound, sweeping faster.

“I’m doing my best here. I just want to understand what happened.”

“Shall I pull up the video cameras?” JARVIS suggested.

Tony made an inhuman noise of distress. “I don’t know, would that even help?”

“It might bring insight of how to change the second version of the robot.”

Tony sighed, “alright, bring it up.”

He was met with a hologram of the lab last night, roughing when he was dead ass drunk, the two robots zipping around, cleaning, but the now charred one seemed off, like it was slower, not working as much. Tony was getting a sick feeling in his stomach as he watched. Dum-E bumped into the other, as if trying to get it to notice him.

“I should’ve been here,” Tony muttered to himself.

“There was no way to know,” JARVIS replied, speeding up through a couple hours until it was about three in the morning.

“I know, but still if I had been here, maybe I could’ve helped.” He watched, horrified, the robot knocked flammable crap on itself. It trilled around, seemingly agitated. He had built this robot, how had he not noticed this before? Just before the robot started sparking, he felt a sharp pain in the back of his head, knocking him forward into the metal work table, and everything went black.

“-ony! Tony! Shit. Tony! Answer me!”

“Heh?” Tony muttered groggily.

“Oh thank god,” Steve said, slowly coming into focus. “What happened?”

“Ow,” Tony mumbled, rubbing the back of his head.

“Easy,” Steve said, gently grabbing Tony’s shoulders and helping him sit up. “Are you okay?”

“What happened?” Tony asked, looking around, seeing a blur before Steve got pushed aside, and Dum-E was in his face, whirring in concern.

“I’m okay, buddy,” Tony assured him, patting his metal arm. “Don’t worry.”

“You okay?” Steve repeated, picking Tony up to save him from the robot.

“Physically?” Tony asked, “or emotionally?”

“Uh, physically?” Steve asked, putting him on a workbench like he weighed nothing. Wich, to a super soldier, probably wasn’t far from the truth.

“Fine, my head hurts, but nothing major I don’t think.”

“JARVIS, can you get Banner down here?” Steve asked loudly, still not used to volume with the AI.

“I will inform him as soon as he wakes up,” JARVIS answered.

“Thank you,” Steve said, “What happened?”

Tomy gestured to what was left of his new robot. “My robot killed itself last night.” 

That made Steve pause and stare at him for a long time, “...er, what?”

“My robot. It killed itself last night, somewhere around three according to the cameras.”

“Well shit.”

Tony nodded sullenly. “Yeah, that sums it up quite nicely.”

“My condolences?” Steve said hesitantly, like he had no idea what to say.

Tony gave Steve a flat look that rivaled any flat look given in the last century.

“Sorry,” Steve said sheepishly, “I don’t know what to say to that.”

Tony sighed, running a hand down his face. “I built that robot. I should’ve known.”

“Sometimes you can’t know.”

“I built a goddamn suicidal robot, Steve! How could I not- and I just realized how that first sentence sounded, please don’t lock me up in an asylum,” Tony said, rambling a little.

“I… won’t,” Steve promised hesitantly. “You sure you’re okay?”

Tony shrugged in response. It was the only honest answer he dared to give to that loaded question.

“Alright then,” Steve said hesitantly.

“I just don’t understand what went wrong, I used the same basis for the emotions simulation that I did for Vision, and he’s all sunshine and chuckles!”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, no shit, Sherlock!” Tony snapped.

“Sorry,” Steve said, recoiling a little.

Tony sighed, feeling like hot mess. Which he was, so fair. “It’s fine. It’s fine.”

“Hey, it’s not fine, your robot killed itself, I’m pretty sure you have the right to be sad.”

“No, I was saying that it’s fine that you don’t know, you’re just trying to help, even if you kinda suck at it,” Tony said.

“Yeah, sorry,” Steve said sheepishly.

“It’s okay, it  _ is  _ a little weird to think about,” Tony admitted.

“More than a little.”

Tony let out a chuckle. “Yeah, no kidding.”

Steve’s lips twitched, “so are you gonna rebuild it?”

“I dunno, maybe? I know Dum-E really wants me too. He’s pretty distraught by the whole thing.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, he was there when it all went down,” Tony said, shoulders slumping even more.

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah…”

“Sorry,” Steve said, addressing Dum-E.

Dum-E whirred slightly, bumping against Tony's leg again, this time in a more supportive way.

“Thanks, bud,” Tony said, patting him.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Steve asked Tony.

“I dunno,” Tony admitted, keeping his eyes on Dum-E.

Steve nodded. He hesitantly wrapped Tony in a loose hug, unsure of how he’d respond to it.

Tony let out a small sound, wrapping his arms tightly around the Alpha, burying his face in the other man’s chest.

Steve’s tightened his hold on Tony, a small bout of possessiveness and protectiveness running through him.

“Sorry,” Tony mumbled, voice muffled by, well, a whole ton of manly muscles.

“It's okay, Tony,” Steve assured him.

“Sure,” Tony grumbled. “Just another fucking Omega being emotional, nothing new.”

“No,” Steve told him, “your robots mean a lot to you, it’s okay to be upset.”

“Alright.”

Steve nodded slightly, “okay.”

Tony sniffed, “Why’d the robot kill itself?” He asked quietly.

“I-I wish I knew.”

Tony shook his head, “It should have worked, I don’t know why it didn’t.”

“Neither do I, I’m sorry.”

Tony sighed, “Do you think I should fix it?”

“I think Dum-E would appreciate it, and maybe you can figure out what went wrong and fix it,” Steve answered.

“Yeah, that’s what J said,” Tony said, sitting up to look at the other robot. He realized that the broom the robot had abandoned had a little blood on the end.

“What the fuck?” Tony muttered, tilting his head slightly.

“What?” Steve asked, following us gaze. “Wait…”

“That makes no sense,” Tony muttered, “Dum-E was sweeping when I- oh.”

“Oooh.”

“Yeah, guess he’s really pissed at me.”

“Oh my god, you have a suicidal robot, and the other is trying to kill you!”

“I don’t think he was ‘trying’ to kill me,” Tony pointed out.

“Still!”

“Yeah, I know,” Tony said dismissively, “my robots are fucked up, sounds about right.”

“Tony,” Steve said, picking him up, “No.”

“Then what are you saying?” Tony asked, trying to figure out why Steve had decided he couldn’t stay on the workbench.

“No. You're not staying down here,” Steve said, tossing him over his shoulder and started for the elevator.

“Uhhh, why not?” Tony asked, gesturing for Dum-E to follow. There was no way he was leaving that little robot down here alone.

“I don’t want you to die,” Steve said simply.

“I’m not gonna die.”

“The small one might kill you.”

“The ‘small one’ is grief-stricken and went through a very traumatic event!” Tony protested.

“It’s a robot!”

“And?”

“It doesn’t feel unless you program it to, Tony.”

“I beg to differ!”

“Why?” Steve said, pushing the button for the elevators.

“Because he feels! I’ve seen it, I didn’t program it, but he feels anyway!”

“ _ Tony.” _

“He does!”

“How?”

“Hell if I know, J thinks it's because of the way I treat him, I think it’s because he’s awesome.”

Steve sighed, shaking his head as he stepped into the elevator, yelping as Dum-E rattled in with them. “No, go away!”

“I told him to follow us,” Tony said, “it’s fine.”

Steve sighed, setting Tony down in between the robot and himself. “Fine. Whatever. If it attacks you, I’m gonna break it.”

“That was an act of rage, he won’t do that again,” Tony replied.

“Tony,” Steve said in an exasperated tone.

“He can feel. Fight me.”

Steve held up in hands in surrender.

“Good,” Tony said, nodding firmly.

“JARVIS, take us up to the commons, please?” Steve asked.

“Of course, Captain,” JARVIS replied.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Tony grinned, “and can you have a coffee waiting for me- Take us back down!”

“Yes, sir.”

“Thanks, J” Tony said with a grin, completely ignoring Captain tight ass next to him.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked.

“I forgot my fucking nutella, I’m going back!”

Steve sighed, “fine.”

“It’s not like your Alpha ass could stop me.”

“I could, I’m just not going to because you’d hate me.”

“Uh huh.”

“I could. I could pick you up and you couldn’t do anything about it.”

“Sure. Right.”

“I could.”

“Right. Of course you could.”

“I’ve already proven I can pick you up several times now.”

“Yeah, and I’ve proven that I can get you right where I want you, including carrying my lazy ass around.”

“Whatever,” Steve said with an eye roll.

“Try me,  _ Alpha.” _

“I know what you’re doing,” Steve said, even as he eyes gained flecks of red.

“Do you?” Tony asked innocently, batting his eyelashes at the Alpha, darting through the doors as they opened. He barely made it three steps before Steve had him pressed against the wall. Well this was fun, “Yes,  _ Alpha?” _

“You talk too much,” Steve growled.

“Or not enough, depending on how you look at it,” Tony said mockingly.

“Whatever.”

“Wow, emo much?” Tony asked snarkily.

“Not quite.”

“ _ Suuuuuuuuure.”  _

“Keep going with this attitude and you’re not going to like what happens.”

“Really?” Tony asked, slipping under the Alpha’s arm, “Well, guess I’ll have to stop,” he grabbed his jar and headed for the elevator. Unsurprisingly, Steve followed him. “Dork.”

“Nerd.”

“Dirty old man,” Tony said, dipping his finger in the nutella, keeping eye contact with Steve as he sucked on it.

“Filthy little slut,” Steve replied without missing a beat.

“But I’m my own filthy little slut,” Tony pointed out, poking Steve in the chest, “so ha.”

“And?”

“Does there have to be an and, Alpha?” Tony asked with a raised eyebrow, cocking a hip out.

“Maybe there does.”

“Sure, hun, sure,” Tony said patronizingly.

Steve looked at the ceiling, probably praying for death.

“Aw, what’s wrong, tight ass?” Tony asked, pressing a kiss to Steve’s neck (no, it was  _ not _ the highest he could reach.)

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” Steve asked lowly.

“Nope,” Tony chirped, leaning against the wall. “Don’t care either.”

“Jerk.”

“Yep, Capsicle.”

“You might want to stop, Tony.”

“Why? This is fun.”

_ “Tony.” _

_ “Tight ass.” _

Steve grabbed Tony and pushed him against the wall, actually lifting Tony off of the ground before pressing a bruising kiss to his lips. 

Tony smirked smugly, hooking his legs around Steve’s hips as he returned the kiss, pressing into it.

Steve broke the kiss, but he didn’t let go. “God, why do you do this every damn time?”

“What?” Tony mocked, “Bring out the kinky? It’s a gift, hun.”

“Sure,” Steve said with an eye roll. “Let’s go with that.”

“Aww, you're cute,” Tony said, booping Steve’s nose. Damn, he was selling this shit, and he didn’t think his eyes were turning at all. Suck it!

Steve growled and kissed him again.

Again, Tony smirked, but this time he grabbed a fist full of the Alpha’s hair, tugging it painfully.

Steve let out a moan, yeah, this was definitely a kink for him.

Tony made a smug noise, breaking the kiss way too early, “I win. You lose, Alpha. Suck my dick!”

“I have a better idea,” Steve said lowly.

“Of course you do,” Tony said as if humouring a little kid.

Steve hefted Tony up even higher like he weighed absolutely nothing, then Tony realized that Steve was now in the perfect position to reach his scars. Jackass. “Asshole.”

“Am I?” Steve asked, gently blowing across the skin there.

“Yes,” Tony replied shortly, tugging Steve’s hair, almost like a warning. ‘ _ No, don’t do that or I get you back.’ _

Apparently Steve didn’t care, since he started planting kisses all along the area.

Tony let out a growl, tugging on Steve’s hair.

Steve groaned, but bit Tony in response.

Tony let his head hit the elevator wall, mouth falling open in a silent moan. No way was he letting tight ass hear him now.

Steve smirked and bit him again, this time harder.

Tony gasped quietly, legs pulling Steve closer as the muscles tightened in an effort to stay quiet. Asshole.

Steve’s smirk widened as he scraped his teeth along Tony’s chest.

“Oh fuck you,” Tony breathed.

“If that’s what you want,” Steve replied with a grin.

“Screw it, I’m not playing in your sandbox anymore, perdente,” Tony declared, slipping out of Steve’s grip like a boss.

“Oh, can’t finish what you’ve started?” Steve asked.

“Nah, just not fun when you’re too easy.”

“Sure, that’s what it is.”

Tony gave him a flat look, “seriously? All you got in your little arsenal is the most obvious biting my scars, yeah, it’s boring, step up, old man.”

“Maybe when I feel like it.”

“What?” Tony asked with a smirk, “Can’t get it up?”

“No, I just don’t care right now.”

“Uh huh,” Tony drawled, “sure. Right.”

“You’re adorable.”

“And you’re a limp old man,” Tony said, turning to face the doors, cocking his hip to the side again, cause, hello, sass!

“If that makes you feel better,” Steve said with an audible smirk.

Tony rolled his eyes, shifting his hips to the other side, letting out an impatient sigh, “what’s the hold up, J?”

“There’s been a slight malfunction, it should be fixed in a few minutes.”

“Oh  _ great.” _

“Why does this have to happen today?” Steve muttered.

“Cause Karma’s a bitch,” Tony replied flippantly, shucking off his pants because he could. And the damn things were uncomfortable. Plus Steve’s deer-in-the-headlights look was great. “Right, now, Steve, boost me up to the hatch.” Well, this was fun.

“But JARVIS said-” Steve started.

“Nuh huh huh,” Tony cut him off.

“Why is this necessary?”

“Cause I’m bored and wanna get laid by someone who knows what they’re doing.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Sure. I’m the idiot, now boost me, Cap.”

“I don’t see the point of this.”

“Cause I can fix this.”

“Ugh, fine,” Steve said, getting on one knee and cupping his hands. “Just hurry.”

“Make me,” Tony replied, stepping into his hand, “up!”

Steve rolled his eyes as he stood up, praying he didn’t drop Tony somehow.

Tony hummed as he got the hatch open, crawling halfway up, “alright, I’m good,” he said, legs dangling in the air.

“Okay.” Steve had a hard time not looking up at Tony in this angle as the Omega started humming Black Sabbath as he worked.

“Do you know what the problem is?” Steve asked, trying to be somewhat conversational.

“Dude, I just got up here,” Tony replied, boosting himself a little higher.

“Right. Sorry.”

“Perdente.”

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

He could hear Tony’s smirk when he replied with, “Look it up.”

“I know what it means, Tony,” Steve said with a sigh.

“Oh?” Tony asked distractedly as he slipped a little, crotch eye level with Steve for more than a moment. Steve was certain his face was bright red.

“Ngh,” Tony said, abs tensing as he pulled himself back up.

Steve blinked for a moment before clearing his throat. “Uhh, yeah, I know what it means.”

“Hope you like the show,” Tony grumbled as he kicked his legs, getting higher into the air shaft.

“Uhhh.”

“Ha, I win,” Tony said, a loud clunk hitting the top of the elevator before it jerked, and Tony slipped, falling and catching Steve, pulling him down with him.

“Shit!” Steve said as they tumbled to the elevator floor. 

“Ow!” Tony exclaimed, trying to kick Steve away, only getting them more tangled up.

“Ow! Ow! Stop! That’s not helping!” Steve yelped.

“My arm! Get off, asshole!”

“I’m trying!”

“Not hard enough!”

“You’re not much help either!”

“Ouch!” Tony exclaimed as the door dinged open, causing them to both freeze.

“Uhhh,” Banner said.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Tony yelled as he tried kicking Steve away again.

“Tony! Stop!” Steve said, grabbing him. “This doesn’t work!” 

“Let go!” Tony yelped, finally untangling himself.

“I wouldn’t have had to grab you in the first place if you hadn’t kicked me.”

“I wouldn’t have had to kick you if your ass- it’s fine- wasn’t in the way!”

“You’re the one who couldn’t wait five minutes!”

“Well I fixed it, no thanks to your Alpha stupidity!”

“That’s not what that was!”

“Sure!”

“Uh, guys?” Banner asked. “Can we do this later?”

“No!” Tony yelled, “no, we can’t, Banner!”

“Sorry, Banner,” Steve said with a wince.

“Oh, so your  _ Alpha _ bullshit stops now?” Tony exclaimed, stabbing a finger into Steve’s chest angrily. “You done criticizing my robots yet?!”

“Hey! That’s not what happened!”

“You didn’t even care!” Tony said, poking him again. “You don’t care that it died!” He let out a broken sob.

“Of course I care,” Steve said, voice dropping to a softer tone. “I care, Tony.” 

“Bullshit!” Tony yelled as Dum-E zipped out of the elevator, “You tried to make Dum-E stay down there when he saw what happened! You tried to say he couldn’t feel!”

“First of all, Dum-E knocked you unconscious, and second of all, just because I don’t get it, doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

“No, it’s because you don’t care,” Tomy snapped, clenching his jaw as another sob racked through him. “You don’t care about my suicidal robot! You don’t care that it’s dead!”

“Yes I do,” Steve insisted, “of course I do.”

“Sure,” Tony said sarcastically, “because you just  _ have  _ to care, don’t you?”

“What does that even mean?” Steve asked, shaking his head in confusion.

“Figure it out, Perdente!”

“Tony, do you think we feel obligated to care?” Steve asked, trying to meet Tony’s eyes.

“Don’t,” Tony growled, turning on heel, heading for the kitchen, he fucking needed more goddamn coffee.

“Don’t what?” Steve asked, leaving Banner staring at an empty elevator in complete and utter confusion.

“Don’t start trying to fix me.”

“I’m not trying to fix you.”

“Bull. Shit,” Tony said flatly, grabbing the coffee pot off the table to make more.

“If I was trying to ‘fix’ you, I’d have to think you were broken,” Steve said, voice deadly serious.

Tony rolled his eyes, “Just leave me alone.”

“Why?”

“Cause I want coffee in peace,”

“Too bad.”

“Whatever. Dum-E!”

Dum-E whirred as he entered the kitchen.

“Make him leave me alone,” Tony said to the robot.

Steve jumped up onto the island. “Not cool.”

Tony grinned, but it looked forced, “but funny, Rogers.”

Steve gave him a flat look. “Do you really believe that?”

“Yes.”

“Sure,” Steve said sarcastically.

“You jump pretty well, not gonna lie,” Tony commented as he dumped grounds into the maker.

“Don’t change the subject,” Steve said, resisting the urge to use his Alpha voice.

“Bite me. I’ll do what I want.”

“Tony, I’m trying to help.”

“And I’m trying to get coffee.”

“So is that what you’re going to do? Just drown your emotions in coffee?” Steve asked.

“Yep, and I’m gonna be happy about it.”

“Maybe for a little while, then it’ll all catch up.”

“When I’m dead.”

_ “Tony.” _

_ “Alpha.” _

Steve gave him a look. “Don’t try that.”

Tony smirked, “what, Alpha?”

“Tony, c’mon.”

“Alpha, shut it.”

“Tony, I’m not falling for that again,” Steve said, crossing his arms, trying to look intimidating, a difficult feat when sitting on the counter to get away from a robot.

Tony gave him a flat look, “sure.”

Steve sighed. “Tony, you’re hurting, please let me help you.”

“I’m fine,” Tony said, turning back to the coffee maker.

“No, you’re not,” Steve said, his voice extremely gentle, giving Tony that image of the puppy with the big eyes looking up at the camera.

“Nope!” Tony said, changing the image to that one hamster with the giant ass eyes- Bugsy! That was it!

“Tony, please.”

Tony had a hard time not laughing, his shoulders shaking as he leaned against the counter, “no.”

“I’m not going to stop.”

“I can just walk away when the coffee’s done.”

“I can walk too.”

“Dum-E, make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.”

“Tony, I will find the off switch for that robot if that’s what it takes.” 

“He doesn’t have one.”

“Fine, then I guess I’m going to have a robot on my tail. I’ll deal with that.”

“Till  _ he _ breaks your legs.”

“That’s fine.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m not kidding.”

“Uh huh.”

“I’m not. Try me. I don’t care what you do to stop me, I’m not going to let it work,” Steve said pointedly.

“Sorry, what was that?” Tony asked, turning back to him, holding a mug of steaming coffee.

“Don’t act like you didn't hear me.”

“Oh, I was distracted by coffee.”

Steve sighed, “I’m trying to help.”

“No, you’re disrupting my coffee time.”

“And you’re trying to force all your emotions down because you don’t think they’re welcome!”

“And what proof do you gave to you hypothesis?”

“Because it's what you do!” Steve was only just realizing this as the words fell out of his mouth. “They’re not positive emotions, so clearly, you shouldn't have them! Or at least you shouldn't let anyone else know!”

“Sure,” Tony said, but his hands gripped the mug.

“And you know what? I hate seeing you do it, I wish I could find whatever or whoever is responsible for making you think that’s what you have to do and, I don’t know, something!”

“Too late,” Tony said, tone emotionless, “anyway,” he sipped his coffee, “how's your life?”

“Tony, please don’t shut me out.”

“Seriously, how are you? Cause you seem a little pushy, is that just the hangover or the stick up your ass?”

Steve shook his head. “It’s me realizing you’re not going to just open up to anyone on your own.”

“Whatever,” Tony said, setting the mug down, walking to the door, clipping something on his wrist. “Have a nice life.”

Steve hopped off the counter, grabbing Tony’s hand. “Tony, please, just talk to me.”

“Let go,” Tony said calmly.

“No, I’m not letting you walk away from this.”

“You don’t  _ let _ me do anything,” Tony snapped, ripping his hand away.

“Tony!” Steve said a lot harsher than he intended. “Why can’t you see that I’m just trying to help?”

“Why can’t you see I’m done here?” Tony retaliated, walking to the window, opening it.

“I’m not just going to give up without a fight.”

“Neither will I,” Tony said just before he hopped out the window.

“Tony!” Steve yelled as the Iron Man armor built around the inventor and he flew off.

“Bye!”

“JARVIS, call Tony, don’t let him hang up,” Steve said desperately.

After a moment, JARVIS replied, “he has blocked me, sir.”

“Is there any way to override?” 

“Only in his suit.”

Steve let out a slew of curse words. “Can you get in contact with him in any way?”

“No.”

“Where is he going?”

“I have no idea.”

“Goddammit!” Steve hissed.

“Agreed.”

“Is there anything you can do to get him to turn around or accept a call, or something?”

“He has blocked me entirely,” JARVIS reported.

“Fuck it all!”

“Agreed.”


	5. Drinking, Climbing Trees, and Other Extreme Sports

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There's only one thing more precious than our time and that's who we spend it on."  
> -Leo Christopher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, I've got a monstrosity of a chapter for you peeps. I hope you enjoy it. Please leave kudos and comments. Preferably comments, because I really want to know what you guys think about it.

Steve slid to the floor, now what was he going to do? Fuck it all. He was going to die before Tony opened up to him. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. It was official, he was screwed. “Nat! I need you!”

A few minutes later, Nat came into the room. “What is it this time?”

“Tony.”

“What about him?”

“He jumped out the window, and now I don’t know how to help him.”

Nat blinked. “Okay, back up. Why does he need help?”

“He’s shutting everyone out.”

“And this is new information?” 

“Well no, but I- I don’t know how to help him.”

“Why do you have to be the one to help him?” Nat asked, sitting down on the couch.

“Because he’s not gonna let anyone, and I’m gonna help him if it kills me.”

“So he jumped out a window?”

“Yeah. He had his armor though.”

“Well, I figured that much.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s chill, just start from the beginning and explain what happened, okay?”

“Kay. So, he went down to his lab, as you know, and his robot killed itself and-”

“His robot killed itself?”

“Yeah,” Steve said with a grimace.

“That’s gotta suck for him. Continue.”

“So, I was trying to comfort him, and I really don’t know how to with that,” Steve said, “and I told him we’re coming up here, and his other one followed us into the elevator-” he stopped himself from reporting  _ what _ had happened in the elevator besides, “and the elevator broke down, so he climbed up to fix it, and it jerked, so he fell on me,” he paused for a breath, “and we got all tangled up and we were on the ground, and Banner was there, and then Tony started to cry because he said I don’t care, and came in here, I followed him, because he was saying that I have to care so much, and I pressured him to talk because it’s not mandatory,” he took another breath, “and he sent Dum-E to stop me, I pressured him more, and he jumped ship.”

Nat thought for a moment. “Why do you feel it’s your responsibility to help him? I mean, we’re just teammates, right?”

Steve looked down, “Yeah, teammates, but he’s gotta get help somehow, from someone and he’s not going to.”

“So why not send Banner after him or something?”

“Because he won’t open up to Banner and Banner won’t push him to.”

“Okay, so why not some other Alpha, they tend to be pushy. He and Rhodes are pretty good friends,” Nat said with a shrug.

Steve let out a ferocious growl, eyes flaring red, “ _ hell no! _ ” 

“Why not?” Nat pressed, her eyes gleaming slightly. “As I've said before, you’re just teammates.”

“He’s mi-,” Steve started to growl, cutting himself off as his eyes went wide.

“And there’s the reason you care so damn much,” Nat said smugly.

Steve looked sheepish as he fiddled with the edge of the rug, not meeting her eyes as his cheeks went pink.

“So if Tony’s ‘yours’ why doesn’t he open up to you?”

“I-”

“You?”

“Cause he’s not mine,” Steve said, shoulders slumping fractionally.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.”

“I bet I do,” Nat said easily, leaning back on the couch.

“Why?”

“You’re scared.”

“I- ‘scuse me?”

“You are scared. Scared of rejection, scared you’ll fuck it up. Face it, you’re terrified.”

“I am not,” Steve protested, stomach tightening.

“But you are,” Nat said simply. “And why shouldn’t you be? You like him, he’s not like anyone else to you, right?”

“He’s not like anyone else period.”

“Okay,” Nat conceded, “we’ll go with that. But either way, you're scared. That doesn’t change.”

Steve sighed, “but I just don’t want him to hurt. That doesn’t have to include me in his life.”

“No, but it’s not just about him, now is it?” Nat asked, giving Steve a pointed look.

“But he needs more than me. So yes. It is about him.”

“That’s a very toxic way of thinking, Steve,” Nat told him. “You start thinking he’s more important that you, and things will turn sour very quickly.”

“How?” Steve asked, genuinely confused.

“Because then it’s unbalanced, it’s just you giving and giving,” Nat explained. “It won’t end well, trust me.”

“But-” Steve started, only to realize he didn’t have anything to say to that.

“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm,” Nat told him, remembering a quote she had seen forever ago.

“Yeah, cause pain,” Steve joked.

“That, and once you burn out, what’ll be left of you?”

“It was a joke,” Steve grumbled.

“I know.”

“So why comment further?”

“Because I had a point and wanted to make it.”

“Neh.”

“Too bad.”

“Twerp.”

“That’s Clint, not me.”

“Two peas in a pod,” Steve dismissed.

“Ouch.”

“By the way, where is he?” Steve asked, “I haven’t seen him yet.”

“Neither have I,” Nat said bitterly.

“Er, sorry.”

“It’s fine, don’t apologize.”

“Alright. Have you called him?”

“No, I’ll do that,” Nat said, pulling out her phone.

“Yeah.”

Nat put the phone to her ear, tapping her knee impatiently.

“Hey, what’s up?” Clint asked groggily.

“Where are you?”

“Uhh,” Clint said, pausing like he was talking to someone, “couple thousand feet up.”

“What the fuck are you doing on a plane?”

“Oh, mission,” Clint replied casually.

“And you didn’t tell me? Or take me along for that matter?”

“Sorry,” Clint said with a verbal wince, “Got called in last night.”

“And you didn't tell me?” Nat was steadily getting angrier and angrier.

“Uh, sorry?” Clint said, voice getting more aware, “got a bit distracted.”

“On what? It’s a goddamn mission!”

“Sorry I was talking to Kate- er, the- yeah, Kate.”

“Who!?”

“She’s the one I’m on protective detail for.”

Nat sighed, “you’re such an idiot.”

“I know. And I called Lance again last night.”

“Oh? So did you join the thousand feet up club for phone sex or whatever that’s called.”

“Mile high, and already done,” there was the sound of snickering from his end.

“Gross.”

Clint sighed heavily, “Kate says high.”

“This is a verbal conversation and technically I can't see how you’re spelling it, but I know that's a goddamn pun.”

“Nope. Actually I just translated wrong. Sorry.”

“Of course you did.”

“What?” Clint protested, “I’m not used to RSL!”

“RSL?”

“Russian Sign.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah,” Clint said, saying not so accidently into the phone, “yeah, she’s a softie, I’m fine.”

“Excuse me!?”

“And she heard that. Whoops.”

“Don’t act like that was a fucking accident!”

“See, told you she was Russian.”

“Clint!”

“What?” Clint asked, sounding like he was trying not to laugh.

“I’m going to fucking kill you!”

“Hard when I’m in a can and you’re not.”

“You’ll come back and I’ll send you to Lance in a body bag.”

“Oh come on, you don’t know if I’ll come back.”

“I don’t think my luck is good enough for that.”

“Kate says you’re awesome.”

“I know.”

“Wait, you know her?” Clint asked, confused as hell.

“No, you mormon. I know I’m awesome.”

There was the sound that was suspiciously facepalm like. “I knew that.”

“Idiot.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Kate’s told me, and she knows a shit ton, so yeah.”

Nat sighed, “why do I acknowledge your existence?”

“Cause I acknowledge yours and I’m badass.”

“No, you’re a fluffy marshmallow with a bow.”

“Kate signed you’re wrong,” Clint reported, followed by a muffled thump.

“No she didn’t.”

“You’re right,” Clint said, “and how do you hit so hard? You’re tiny!”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Talking to Ms. Volkova, not you.”

“I know, but I’m commenting anyway.”

“Too bad. I’ll hang up.”

“Not unless you want me to call Lance you won’t.”

“Don’t care if you do. I talked to him earlier.”

“He’ll be pissed.”

“Why, cause I hung up on a bitch?” Clint asked just before the call ended.

“Son of a bitch!” Nat hissed.

“He hung up, didn’t he?” Steve asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well crap.”

“No kidding.” Nat’s phone dinged a sec later.

_ Bad service, sorry. Can’t call _

“Is that him?”

“Yeah, claims it’s bad service.”

“It might be, he is in the air, after all.”

“Yeah, but it’s  _ Clint.” _

“True.”

Nat nodded. “I’ll just kill him when he gets back.”

“Fun.”

“Yep, will you help me mail the body to Iowa?”

“Just fedex it.”

“True.”

“Anyway, what now?”

“I wouldn’t mind getting drunk again,” Nat said, flopping onto the armrest.

“How are you not hungover?”

“Vitamin shot.”

“What?”

“A thing that helps with hangovers.”

“Show me your Russian trickery.”

“No.”

“C’mon, Nat!”

“Not today, too uninterested.”

“Fine, where’s the booz- where’s Thor?”

“I dunno, I haven’t seen him either.”

“Well crap,” Steve said, “I hope he’s not stripped on the roof again.”

“That’s definitely a possibility.”

“Shit.”

“Exactly.”

Steve sighed, “I don’t wanna get up.”

“Then don’t.”

“Okay.”

Neither said anything for a least fifteen minutes. Steve was steadily getting more and more restless.

“Speak,” Nat said after thirty minutes of Steve’s shifting.

“What if something happened to Tony when he left? Like, I dunno, something.”

“Nothing happened, we aren’t that lucky,” Nat said dryly.

“But what if something did?”

“It didn’t. Check J, he keeps vitals.”

“His vitals are healthy and normal, Captain,” JARVIS informed Steve.

“See?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“J, where’s Thor?”

“In his room currently.”

“Why?”

If JARVIS had an expression, he would be smirking as he said. “He asked me if it was a good idea to leave earlier this morning while Captain Rogers and Mr. Stark were occupied in the kitchen, so I told him no.”

“You fuckin’ great bastard.”

“I’m not sure it’s possible for me to be a ‘bastard’.”

“Oh, you know it is,” Nat said snarkily.

“No, I don’t.”

“Whatever. Tell thunder to get out here with his booze.”

“Very well, Agent Romanoff.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Now, where’d the tumblers get to?” Nat asked.

“I have no clue,” Steve said from his spot on the floor.

“Damn it,” Nat said, slowly getting up, she just kind of melted up from her seat honestly. Steve kind of envied her because of it. That looked good, in a creepy way. He was way too hungover for this shit, and not nearly drunk enough. “Ugh. Movement.”

“That’s accurate,” Steve told her.

“Yes it is,” She replied, stretching before walking to the kitchen.

Steve sighed, there was no way he was getting up, not even for Thor’s booze.

“Yes, mortals?” Thor asked as he walked out shirtless.

“We require your alcohol,” Steve said. “It’s been a shitty morning.”

“Ah,” Thor said in understanding, tossing him the bottle.

“You’re the best,” Steve said.

“I know I am.”

“And modest,” Nat said dryly as she came in with a couple tumblers.

Thor laughed, “Never accuse me of that, Natasha!”

“Of course not.”

“Moving on,” Steve said, holding a hand out for a glass.

Nat passed him one before grabbing the bottle, pouring herself a glass and handing it back wordlessly.

“Cheers,” Steve said after filling his own glass.

“To a long and happy life!” Thor said joyously before downing his own drink.

“Meh,” Nat said, shooting hers before heading back to the kitchen.

“I’d take just living at this point,” Steve said with a shrug.

“That’s one of us!”

“I bet.”

“Moving on,” Nat said, plucking the bottle back as she came back.

“Hey!” Steve complained.

“Fuck off, spangles.”

“You first, Romanoff.”

“Fine, bye,” Nat said simply, taking the bottle with her as she headed for the door slowly.

“Bitch.”

“Yep.”

“Ugh.”

“Do you want the booze or not? Cause if not, I’m leaving.”

“Of course I want the booze!”

“Then get your tight ass up,” Nat said with a smirk.

“I don't want to though.”

Nat looked at him, setting the bottle on the side table.

“Rude.”

“And?”

“I hate you,” Steve said, getting to his feet.

“That’s two of us.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve said, grabbing the bottle.

“But I got you up.”

“I know, I know.”

“So I win.”

“Whatever.”

“Mood.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, not really listening as he downed glass after glass.

Nat snatched the bottle back, filling her cup to the brim before handing it wordlessly back.

Steve nodded once before filling his glass again.

“Why are you two so morose?” Thor asked, “and where are the others?”

“Clint’s on a mission,” Nat said.

“Oh?”

“And Tony’s just gone,” Steve muttered.

“I see,” Thor said hesitantly, not seeing at all.

“Steve tried to push Tony to open up and he bailed,” Nat said dryly.

“Steve,” Thor said sympathetically, “courtship is like horse training, you have to get the horse to want to be trained.”

“Thanks, Thor,” Steve said dully. His eyes wandered to where Nat was on the ground, her drink spilled, shoulders shaking. He sighed, “so how do you get a horse to want to be trained?”

Nat started coughing violently, “whips!” She gasped.

Steve went bright red once he got Nat’s implications.

Nat saw his face, her cheeks going red as she tried not to laugh out loud.

Steve buried his face in his hands, wishing he hadn’t said anything.

“No, not whips,” Thor said, sounding confused.

“Uhh, then how?”

“Depends on who you ask, whooing, trickery-if you’re Loki-, point is, there are many ways.”

“What would you recommend?”

“With Tony? Start slow.”

Steve nodded. “So, like, just be his friend first and then work from there?”

“Exactly!” Thor exclaimed jovially, clapping Steve on the shoulder.

“Okay. Thanks, Thor.”

“You’re welcome, friend.”

Steve smiled at the god before going back to the mead.

Nat got there before him, grabbing the bottle just before his fingers touched it.

“Dammit.”

“Ha,” She said, pouring a cup slowly.

“Meanie.”

“Yep.”

“Give it back,” Steve all but whined.

“Not done yet,” Nat said, filling her cup the rest of the way. “Now I am.”

Steve grabbed the bottle from her, “good.”

Nat stuck out her tongue in response.

Steve shrugged, not really caring since he had the alcohol.

Within the hour, they had finished four more bottles (mostly because of Thor). They were completely drunk and laughing at absolutely nothing. Steve was the worst, losing his balance and falling all the time. He had given up on standing a few minutes ago.

Nat was on the couch, leg over the back and her back on the seat, face purple and she laughed to the point of tears.

Thor was sitting upside down in a chair, talking about shit that made no sense. Most of it was in different languages. It was actually kinda funny to try and fill in the blanks.

“Holy shit,” Nat gasped through giggles, “I see sounds!”

“I hear colors,” Steve muttered.

Nat burst into mire giggles, pulling out her phone, dialing Clint’s number.

“What?” Clint asked, sounding bored.

“Ccccccccccllllllllint!” Nat giggled, “hiiiiiiii!!!”

“How drunk are you?”

“Yes!”

“Oh no.”

“He. He. He,” Nat giggled, gasping for breath, switching on the camera, “turn camera on!”

Clint sighed but did as asked. “Yes?”

“Hi!” Nat said, waving at him and a super white looking girl, who looked really familiar.

“Hi, Nat,” Clint said with an eye roll.

“Who’s the vamp?”

“This is Kate, don’t call her a vampire.”

Kate made a weird thing with her hands in response.

“Actually, she doesn’t care.”

Kate shook her head as if to confirm, giving Nat a grin and a hand wave.

“Nice to meet you, vamp,” Nat said with a wave.

Kate replied with a peace sign.

“She knows ASL,” Clint told the girl.

“G-o-o-d.”

“You know it,” Nat said with a smile.

“ _ Do you always at like,”  _ Kate paused, “ _ well, this?” _

“Nah, I’m just really drunk right now sooo.”

“ _ O.h.” _

“Yeah, she’s normally pretty serious,” Clint told Kate.

“ _ E.w,”  _ Kate signed, making a face.

“But not too serious,” Nat assured her.

“ _ O.K.” _

“Who are you conversing with?” Thor asked jovially.

“Clint and another girl, Kate.”

“Sounds enjoyable,” Thir said with a nod.

“It is, and she’s cool.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked from his spot on the floor.

“Yeah, she’s chill with me calling her a vampire.”

“That’s cool.”

Thor looked over Nat’s hip at the screen, “Skaõi?”

“What?” Clint asked.

“Skaõi,” Thor said, pointing to Kate, “hey, long time no see!”

_ “What is he saying?”  _

_ “ _ He thinks you’re some sort of alien named Skaõi.”

_ “But I’m not.” _

“Yeah, but that’s Thor for you.”

“Seriously, how do you not think she’s Skaõi?” Thor asked, gesturing to the girl. “She’s got to be her!”

_ “He knows my name is Kate, right?” _

“I really don’t know,” Nat answered, looking at Thor, “her name’s Kate.”

“Well, that is disappointing.”

_ “Ouch _ ,” Kate said, and honest to god, she made it dry, “ _ never been insulted l-i-k-e that be-4.” _

“I haven’t seen Skaõi in a long while is all. But I guess if you were her you wouldn’t want to talk to me.”

_ “What did you do?” _

“She asked what you did,” Nat reported and Thor coughed, grimacing a little.

“Uh, nothing of consequence.”

_ “R-i-i-i-i-i-g-h-t.” _

_ “ _ Riiiiiiiiight _ ,”  _ Clint translated.

Thor chuckled nervously. “Well, I’m sure it’s water under the bridge now.”

Kate raised an eyebrow, “ _ hey, how a-c-c-u-r-a-t-e is norse m-y-t-h-o-s?” _

“How accurate is norse mythology?” Nat translated.

“Not horribly,” Thor answered hesitantly, not liking the way Kate grinned.

_ “So did Loki really fuck a horse?” _

Clint snorted, “hey Thor, did your ho brother bang a horse?”

Thor looked both astonished and grossed out, “what?”

_ “It’s a story in norse m-y-t-h-o-s.” _

“In the mythos, he did,” Nat explained.

“No, I’m pretty sure he didn’t.”

_ “G-o-o-d,”  _ Kate signed, “ _ he is 2 c-u-t-e 2 B l-i-k-e that.” _

“Apparently, he’s too cute for beastiality,” Nat said. “If you ask me, I wouldn’t put it past him.”

_ “Ew.” _

“Just saying my opinion.”

_ “I k-n-o.” _

“Good.”

_ “So were you real-y recruited 4 S-H-I-E-L-D by feathers?” _

“That would be correct.”

“ _ Why? He is a d-o-r-k.” _

“Because he’s the one I bumped into.”

_ “Oh.”  _

“Yeah, talk about a disappointment, right?”

_ “Y-e-p.” _

“Ouch,” Clint muttered.

“Sorry not sorry,” Nat said sassily.

“Of course you’re not.”

“ _ Why should she be?” _

“Ugh, now there’s two of them.”

“Ouch.” Nat said as Kate signed. 

“ _ I am a one of a k-i-n-d.’ _

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

“ _ N-a-t-a-s-h-a, do you k-n-o-w RSL?” _

_ “I know a little.” _

_ “D-a-r-n. O-k.” _

“Sorry.”

“ _ Fine.” _

“So do you have other questions?” Thor asked.

“ _ How hammer w-o-r-k,”  _ Kate signed, pausing a lot with that sentence, “ _ stupid A-S-L.” _

“Ah, yes, my hammer. Well, only those who are worthy can wield it, and they can channel my power if they do.”

“Wait, you can understand her?” Nat asked, looking at the god.

“Yes, I know many languages.”

“And we’ve been translating for nothing?!” Both Nat and Clint exclaimed.

“I don’t know sign,” Steve piped up.

“You’re not important,” Nat dismissed.

“Ouch.”

“Yep, now, where the hell did you learn sign?” Nat demanded.

“Jane insisted we take a class together on it since she wanted to learn it.”

“Damn. You.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been translating for you, and you didn’t even say anything!”

“I was being polite!”

“Ugh!”

Steve was on the ground laughing.

“Shut up, tight ass!”

“But it’s funny!”

“It is not!” Nat said.

“Yes it is!”

“No!” Nat exclaimed as Clint snickered.

“Yes!”

“No!” She yelled even as she cracked a smile.

“Yes!” Steve said in between laughs.

“Shut up, or I will hide the mead!”

“You wouldn’t!”

“I would!”

“Ouch,” Steve deadpanned.

“Don’t worry, she’d drink it,” Clint said.

“Yeah, I know,” Steve said dully.

“ _ What is this m-e-a-d and why are you o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d?”  _ Kate signed.

“Because it’s from Asgard and it’s the best shit,” Nat said.

Kate sat up, “g-i-m-m-e.”

“Maybe later. You know, when Thor gets more.”

“ _ D-a-m-n _ .”

“You said it.”

Nat shook her head, “guys, bad idea.”

“What?” Steve asked.

“Sure, let’s give the protectee booze.”

“It would be after the mission,” Clint said with a shrug.

Kate grinned widely to let them know what she thought of it, her skin damn near as white as her teeth.

“Works for me,” Thor said.

“ _ H-e-l -y-e-a.” _

“Ugh,” Nat muttered.

“What? Pretty sure she’s old enough to drink in Russia,” Clint said.

_ “I am.” _

_ “ _ See?” Clint said. “We’re fine.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Yes, and?” Clint asked, “at least I’m not rolling around on the floor like spangles.”

“Leave me be,” Steve said.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because you are an easy target.”

“Now you’re just being mean.” Steve pouted.

“ _ He has a point.” _

“The Snow Queen says you have a point,” Thor informed Steve.

“ _ That original a-c-t-u-a-l-l-y.” _

“Really?” Clint asks. “That one seems obvious.”

“ _ E-h, get v-a-m-p more, and other things.” _

“Well, the Snow Queen is badass, so maybe they’re scared to give you too much power,” Nat said.

Kate snorted in an almost delicate way. Almost, “ _ t-r-u-t-h s-i-s.” _

“I got your back,” Nat said with a smile.

_ “N-i-c-e,”  _ Kate signed, grinning at the woman.

“This isn’t going to end well for me,” Clint muttered.

“Aw, why not, Feathers?” Nat mocked.

“You answered your question with that question.”

Nat smirked, “ha. So where are you going?”

“No clue.”

“What?”

“Only the pilot knows.”

“Why?”

“Kate’s father is paranoid.”

_ “V-e-r-y,”  _ Kate signed, looking peeved.

“It sucks,” Clint added.

“ _ Y-e-p.” _

“Well, let me know when you find out. I’m curious,” Nat said.

“Alright,” Clint said with a salute.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“So if you're an American agent, why are you protecting someone from Russia?” Steve asked suddenly.

“Because SHIELD’s international,” Clint said, “Also, I know sign language.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Steve nodded, going back to whatever it is he’s doing on the floor.

“ _ And my f-a-t-h-e-r is one of the world council, he s-w-i-n-g-s favours.” _

“That makes sense,” Nat said.

“ _ S-a-d-l-y.” _

“Sadly?”

_ “He pulls shit a lot, _ ” Kate signed. “ _ Pushes his weight around.” _

“Sounds like a few people I know.”

Kate nodded,  _ “politicians?” _

“Mostly.”

_ “Thought so.” _

“Yeah, they suck ass.”

_ “Little bit.” _

“Try a lot,” Clint muttered.

“Mega lot.”

“More than we could ever imagine.”

“What’s a politician?” Thor asked.

“Someone who makes a career out of politics,” Nat said simply.

“Like a king?”

“No, not exactly.”

“ _ I got this,”  _ Kate signed, “ _ you know when dignitaires come from other realms Thor and discuss with Odin different things like taxes?” _

“Yes.”

“ _ Think that, but less formal and more crass.” _

“Oh, okay. That makes sense.”

“ _ Yep.” _

“Thank you for that explanation.”

_ “You’re welcome.” _

“So with that out of the way, we were just bitching about corrupt politicians.”

_ “Think Laufey,”  _ Kate signed when she saw Thor’s confused expression, “ _ in it for himself and power hungry like ice giants.” _

“Ah! Yes! Also like other leaders of the realms, they are often very corrupt.

_ “I mean, so was Odin if he’s like his myths.” _

“Well, he certainly wasn’t the perfect king, but he was fair most of the time.”

“ _ You started a war and got banished, Loki started a war and got deemed unredeemable.” _

“Well, he tried,” Thor said sheepishly.

Kate looked like she was going to clap that down as well, but Clint interrupted with, “So have you run out of mead?”

“Not quite yet,” Thor said jovially.

“Good.”

“Indeed.”

“Save some for me.”

“I will, arrow man!”

Nat snickered, “Arrow man? Lance is getting in on this!”

“No!” Clint protested.

“Yes!”

“I will do anything if you don’t tell him.”

“Anything?”

“Within reason.”

“Guess Lance gets a new nickname.”

“Fine! Yes! Anything!”

“You get my unwanted missions for two months.”

“...can I choose which two months?”

“Nope.”

“Does it have to be the next two months? Because I was hoping to go home…”

“Not the next two months,’

“Deal.”

“Deal.”

Clint nodded, wondering if this was a good idea or not.

“Moving on,” Steve said, finally realizing that Kate was albino, “What’s up with your skin?”

Kate rolled her eyes.  _ “I’m albino.” _

_ “ _ She’s albino,” Nate replied.

“Oh,” Steve said. “Sorry.”

“ _ P-r-o-b-s wasn’t a widely known thing, you are fine.” _

“You're fine.”

“Okay.”

“So I’m gonna hang up now unless you all have something interesting going on.”

“Cap’s pining after Stark and after getting into a kinda argument, guess who left and we haven’t heard from since?” Nat said.

“Oh, drama!” Clint exclaimed, leaning forward in his seat.

“Shut up,” Steve complained.

“Make me- also, Tony’s robot commited suicide,” Nat said.

“What?” Clint asked.

“Tony’s robot killed itself.”

“...oh?”

“Yep.”

“Uh, I don’t know how to respond to that.”

“Neither do I.”

“So how did that go down, do you know?”

Steve was the one to answer, “Not sure, but there was a pile of melted and charred metal covered in fire extinguisher stuff.”

“....Brutal.”

“Pretty much.”

“ _ Oh, which model?” _ Kate signed, looking concerned.

“Steve, which model?” Nat asked. 

“Hell if I know.”

“We don’t know.”

“ _ Oh. Damn. Do you know if it was A-I enabled?” _

“Was it AI enabled, Steve?”

Kate sighed,  _ “did it use A-I to function, or was it program based?”  _

Nat translated again and Steve thought for a minute. “I think it was program based? Tony mentioned an emotion simulation thing.”

“ _ Size?” _

“Size, Steve?”

“Uh, smaller than a table box?”

Nat shrugged, looking at Kate to see if she had any more questions.

Kate looked horrified, “ _ no! That was doing so good!” _

“You knew the robot?” Nat asked.

“ _ He was doing a video series on its progress and stats.” _

“Oh. Shit.”

“ _ Y-e-e-e-a-a-a-h-h.” _

“Well, this is going to make an interesting video.”

“That’s one way to look at it,” Clint commented.

“If he even bothers to make another video,” Steve muttered under his breath.

“ _ I mean, his uploads were erratic, so yeah.” _

“That sounds like him,” Clint said.

“Yep,” Nat said simply.

“What about you, Barton?” Thor asked, “had anything interesting happened on your end?”

“Nope,” Clint said too slowly, “Been pretty boring.”

“Bullshit,” Nat said. “What happened?”

“Nothing!”

“You sure?”

“Yep. Positive,” Clint said, clapping a hand over Kate’s as she went to sign something.

“What? Happened?”

“It’s nothing.”

“C’mon, spill!”

“I’m serious, it’s nothing, just chilling and talking to Lance and Katrina.”

“Kate, did something happen?” Nat asked.

Kate nodded, looking smug, hands still pinned by Clint’s.

“Clint, tell me or you die.”

“I’ll die then.”

_ “Clint Barton.  _ I will call your husband!”

“Then call him!”

“Steve, give me your phone.”

“Here,” Steve said, passing it over.

Nat calmly dialed Lance’s number, putting it on speaker, never breaking eye contact with Clint as she did.

“Wait, don’t!” Clint exclaimed.

“Too late.”

“Ugh.”

“Sup?” Lance answered.

“Hey, Lance,” Nat greeted cheekily.

“Oh, What’s up, Nat?”

“Oh nothing much, just trying to wrangle some info out of your husband.”

“Oh?” Lance asked, sounding even more interested.

“Yeah, apparently something happened, but he won’t tell me. Isn’t that right, Clint?”

“Nothing happened, Lance!”

“Clint,” Lane said in his ‘try me’ tone.

“What?”

“You know what.”

“Leave me alone, nothing happened.”

“Something happened,” Nat said firmly.

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Ugh!”

“So you admit something happened?” Lance asked.

“Nothing happened!” Clint exclaimed as Kate slipped a hand free.

“ _ He-”  _

“What did he do?” Nat asked excitedly.

Clint grabbed the girl’s hands, “Absolutely nothing worth mentioning with ey-”

“Tell me!”

“Nothing!” Clint exclaimed quickly, earning some pretty loud to grumbling of others.

“The fact that you refuse to tell me just proves that something happened.”

“ _ Eyes!” _ Kate signed quickly when she got her hands free.

“Something about his eyes,” Nat told Lance. “Any ideas?”

Lance snorted, “how long were they gold and who saw?”

“Kate for sure, maybe a few others, and I don’t know how long.”

“ _ Oh h-u-n, _ ” Kate signed, “ _ everyone saw when you jerked awake with a boner.” _

“Apparently everyone saw.”

_ “Funny a-f.” _

“Oh my god!” Nat said. “Your eyes turned because of a wet dream!”

“ _ Yes!” _ Kate signed, silently cracking up.

“Who’d you dream about?” Lance asked smugly. “Or rather,  _ what  _ did you dream about?”

“Oh my god,” Clint muttered.

“It didn’t have to do with a certain promise I made earlier, did it?”

Clint started coughing as Kate signed with interest, “ _ what promise?” _

“What promise?” Nat asked, giving the girl a wink.

“To fuck him until he can’t walk,” Lance said casually, “among other things.”

Clint slid down in his seat.  _ “Lance!” _

He could hear Lance’s smirk as he added, “and make sure the only thing he remembers is calling me Alpha.”

_ “Lance!” _

“Yes, sweetie?” At this point Kate was dying, cough-laughing, the whole thing sounding like she was dying as she wheezed.

“You can’t just say stuff like that!”

“But he did,” Nat pointed out.

“Oh,” Lance added, “I also promised to make sure that he ends up in the same mentality that he would be in during heat.” 

“ _ Lance!”  _ Clint exclaimed, sinking down further as Kate grabbed her throat, trying to stop laughing like it hurt.

“What? I’ve done it before.”

“Lance! Not now!”

“Too late.”

“ _ B-r-b,”  _ Kate signed, headed for the bathroom while she coughed up  _ both _ lungs.

“Great, you killed Kate, Lance.”

“Sorry not sorry. She’ll be fine.”

“Ugh!”

“Unless she’s not… why was she coughing for hard?” Lance asked, the ‘mothering’ tone coming out.

“Hell if I know.”

“Whoops. Shouldn’t it have been covered in the file thingy? They do that, right Nat, cover medical stuff?”

“I didn’t read the whole thing.”

“You dipshit,” Nat said, jumping into the conversation. “You always read the file thingy.”

“They didn’t even give me five minutes!”

“Did ya bring it with you?”

“No.”

“Do you have a copy at all? Not even on your phone or a spare floating around on a seat?”

“I am not asking those Alpha supremacists if they have a file.”

“Hi. Sorry, what?” Nat demanded.

“The other agents are Alpha supremacists according to Kate.”

“How does she know?” Lance asked, sounding protective.

“They’re mostly employees for her father I think. I don’t really know.”

“This is why you read the damn file.”

“I was in the middle of it!”

“Sure.”

“I was!”

“Whatever,” Nat said flatly as Clint spotted a file next to one of the passed out agents.

“Hah!” He exclaimed as he grabbed it. “Found one!”

“Dumbass,” Lance and Nat said at the same time.

“Yeah, yeah. I hate it when you guys team up on me.”

“Sometimes it need to happen,” Lance pointed out.

“But Lance, it sucks for me.”

“Too bad, suck mine, etc.”

“I will when I get home,” Clint said absentmindedly, forgetting that people were listening in for a second.

“Ooooohhh,” Steve pretty much yelled.

“Shit.”

“Pretty much,” Nat said simply.

“Everyone except Lance ignore that!”

“Yeah, shut up now,” Nat suggested.

“I hope you know I’m holding you to that, Clint,” Lance said deviously.

“Please shut up,” Steve said absently.

“Ugh, fine.”

“Now read the damn file!” Nat yelled suddenly.

“I’m getting there,” Clint said, looking through the folder.

“So?” Nat asked after exactly one second.

“Give me a minute, woman!”

“‘Scuse me?”

“You heard me!”

“Fight. Me. Barton.”

“I will!” He flipped a page, and let out a little, “oh,” sound. So that’s why she was mute. Ow.

“What happened?” Nat asked.

“Oh, just found out something, and now I’m not gonna sleep. It’s fine.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“Sorry,” Clint said, “she-” he winced, “has her vocal cords removed,” was that gentle? That’s about how he could say it without wincing in pain.

“Oh,” Nat said with a wince of her own.

“Oh, Jesus,” Lance said, in full blown mamma bear mode, “she’s mine. I’m adopting her.”

“You can’t adopt everyone, Lance,” Clint said with an eye roll.

“Watch me.”

Kate came back out, one hand on the choker around her throat, and Clint suddenly found it hard not to stare, thinking about the ugly scar picture in the file.

“Hey, is she back yet?” Lance asked.

“Yeah, she’s here,” Clint replied as Kate sat down, tossing them a peace sign.

“I’m adopting you, is that okay?” Lance asked her.

Kate gave Clint a very confused look, mouthing, “what?” In russian.

“My husband adopts everyone, I’m sorry.” 

Kate just looked even more confused, blinking a couple times.

“I like you, and I want you as a child,” Lance said simply.

Kate looked at Nat, “ _ w-t-f, he has not even seen me?” _

“Yeah, that's Lance for you. One big mama bear.”

“ _ But seriously, w-t-f?” _

“I honestly don't know. He adopts everyone, literally everyone.”

“ _ Tell him he is odd.” _

“I have. Multiple times.”

“ _ But why would he want to adopt me? Even if it is a joke,”  _ she out emphasis on me like it was so weird to think about.

“It’s not a joke and Clint tells Lance everything, soooo.”

_ “Ok?”  _ Kate said hesitantly.

“So will you be my adopted daughter?” Lance asked hopefully.

Kate still looked really confused about this whole thing, but shrugs like, ‘whatcha gonna do?”’

Cliny sighed, “congrats, you have another daughter, oh husband of mine.”

“Yay!” Lance cheered, startling several of the agents awake, who made it very known they were now awake. “I have another child!”

“Oh my god, you just woke everyone up,” Clint grumbled.

“So what?”

“They’re Alpha supremacists, anyway,” Nat said, “according to Kate. Who seems a little bit spy material.”

_ “Thanks, I think.” _

“It’s a good thing. How do you figure them, anyway?”

_ “They don’t do much to hide it.” _

“I don’t know,” Clint said, looking around.

_ “Trust me, they don’t.” _

“Fun,” Nat said.

_ “Yeah, they can b-u-r-n in hell.” _

_ “ _ What'd she say?” Lance asked impatiently, “cause I’ve dealt with supremacists before. They’re kinda convoluted sometimes.”

“That they don’t do much to hide it and that they can burn in hell,” Nat reported.

“Truth.”

“So? Is that it? That’s all you have to say?”

“Well, it’s a posture as well as a mentality,” Lance said with a verbal shrug, “it varies somewhat, but not really.”

“They all think Omegas are lesser and are only good for serving them,” Clint muttered bitterly.

“And Betas,” Lance said pointedly.

“Yeah, but not to the same extent.”

“Oh, dear husband, try me.”

“Ugh! Let me be bitter!”

“No,” Lance replied, “now, take a picture and send it to me of everyone.”

“Why?”

“Just do it, or I’ll give Kate my number and I’ll have her do it.”

“No, I’ll do it. One sec, I have to take you guys off facetime,” Clint said, turning the camera off for a minute before it turned back on. “There, I sent the pic.”

There was a long moment before Lance asked, “Which ones do you have, Kate?”

Kate listed off a good sized group which Nat promptly told Lance.

Lance hummed, “You got three, but the ponytail isn’t, the red yes, second brunette from the right and the buzz cut blonde. You missed butch in the back and the black haired fellow. My guess is they’re both Beta.”

_ “Damn, you’re good.” _

Nat passed it along and Lance replied, “I guess. But the green eyed blonde seems sketch for different reasons, so boot her when you can.”

“What reasons?” Clint asked slowly.

“She’s some sort of addict, I’d guess gambler, and is tired enough to consider not so fun ways to pay off her debt to get rid of stress.”

“Yeesh.”

“Yep. But she’s good enough to be on this mission, which my guess has been vetted over and over again, so she’s careful too.”

“Fun.”

“So don’t be dumb and keep an eye out.”

“Will do, Lance.”

“Good. Keep my baby girl safe.”

_ “T-f?” _

“He likes you.”

_ “Okay?” _

“It’s a good thing- even if he doesn’t know what you look like,” Nat said, realizing that there was a little bit of a barrier there.

“Speaking of which, I want a picture,” Lance piped up.

“ _ O-k. That is a bit more odd.” _

“I just wanna know what you look like!” Lance exclaimed after Nat passed it along.

_ “Fine,”  _ Kate signed, “ _ number?” _

“She wants your number,” Nat told him.

Lance rattled it off, and Kate nodded, pulling out her phone.

Clint was in the process of wondering why the hell he married this idiot.

Kate grabbed Clint, sticking out her tongue as she took a picture, sending it along.

“Oh my god! You’re so pretty!” Lance said, “oh, I love my new daughter so much!”

Kate blushed, her white skin making it that more obvious, “ _ thank you.” _

“She says thanks.”

“It’s no problem, and can I just say you look badass with the dreads?”

_ “Thanks, I like them a lot.” _

“She says she likes them too.”

“I would hope so!”

Clint facepalmed. “Why do I- I’m hanging up.”

“No! Clint, sweetie. Don’t hang up!”

“Ugh, don’t call me sweetie, Lance!” Clint hissed.

“Sweetheart?”

“I’m hanging up.”

“Clint!”

Kate grinned, covering it with her hand as she waved with the other as the archer hung up.

“He hung up, didn’t he?” Lance asked.

“Yes!” Nat exclaimed, “ugh. Boring.”

“I know!”

“So, what’s up on your end, how did Lila’s date go?”

“From what I understand, she beat up his friend.”

“What? Why?”

“Something about a prejudiced comment, but the guy she actually went on a date with likes her even more, so bonus? I dunno, they’re going out again next week.”

“Ooh, that’s my girl!”

“Yeah, she’s also been talking about starting a youtube channel. I blame Clint entirely for that idea.”

“Don’t let her,” Nat said, kicking a foot over the armrest, “it’ll get her face out there and she won’t be a ghost anymore.”

“Do you really think I can stop her?”

“True.”

“Yeah, but maybe it’d stop her from getting into so many damn fights if she has an outlet.”

“How’s the truck coming, or have you given up on that piece of junkyard scrap?”

“It’s coming along, Lila’s having a lot of fun with it.”

“Nice. Send pictures to the aunt, will you?”

“Of course.”

“Good.”

“Yeah, how’s life over there?”

“Boring and drunk,” Nat replied with a sigh, “I mean, it’s great I guess, but boring as hell.”

“Yes, I’m sure everything dulls in comparison to saving the world a couple dozen times.”

“Sadly.”

“Kinda weird to think though, right? That you’ve literally savedi the world?”

“Nah. I was doing that before I became an avenger.”

“But still.”

“Getting fame for it is weird.”

“I bet.”

“Yep. So how are the itties?”

“They’re fine, still trying to get them to clean up legos when they’re done playingwith them.”

Nat snickered, “how’s stepping on them?”

“Painful, no matter how many times it happens.”

“That’s how it works, hun.”

“I know.”

“So just tell them I won’t visit until they’re all picked up.”

“I’ll try that, thanks.”

“It’ll work, I promise. Or tell them they can’t be spies if they can’t clean up after themselves.”

“Why didn’t I think of this before?”

“Cause you’re not a spy.”

“True.”

“And you’re not as creative.”

“That’s true too.”

“So I win, you lose, that’s fifty three Nat, ten and a half for you.”

“Sounds about right.”

“I’ve kept track,” Nat said with an eyroll.

“Of course you have.”

“What?”

“Nothing!” Lance said quickly.

Nat smirked, “whatever. Dork.”

“Yep, that’s me. Total dork.”

“Dwarf and Ork?” Thor asked, brow furrowing.

“What?”

“Dork. That’s what it is, right?”

“Uh, sure?”

“Right. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Nat told him.

“I’ve just met one and they were rather odd,” Thor said.

Lance started laughing loudly once the implications of what Thor was saying hit him.

“What?” Nat asked. “I don’t get it.”

“A dwarf and an Ork fell in love and nature took its course.”

“Ooooh.”

“Yeah.”

“Soooo…”

“You guys should visit more. I miss my avenging children.”

“I know. Or you could bring everyone up here, it’s cooler here and there’s more space for everyone?” Nat offered.

“Yeah, but it’s the middle of the school year.”

“And they’ll learn more up here for a week or two.”

“Well yeah, but colleges are gonna look at the transcript.”

“And if they get the work done then there’s no grade drop.”

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”

“You’re a great dad,” Nat said with a grin.

“It doesn’t feel like that most days. But I have my moments.”

There was the sound of a door opening and slamming shut, followed by two twin screams, “Dad!”

“Hey, Connor, Nate!” Lance said happily.

“We didn’t have school today!” Nate cried, “and you sent us!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot.”

“Oh. Are you on the phone?” Connor asked, sounding sheepish.

“Yeah, it’s Aunt Nat, why don’t you guys say hi?”

“Nat! Connor cried, “hi! Guess what? I gotta shoot a shotgun today cause we stopped at Nate’s friend's house- oops.”

“You said you wouldn’t tell!” Nate complained.

“With real bullets?” Lance asked.

“No,” Nate said quickly.

“I hope not.”

“They were!” Connor said excitedly.

“Oh for Pete’s sake,” Lance said with a sigh.

“Connor!” Nate complained, a thump sounding with a yelp.

“Don’t hit your brother!”

“He said I could if he told, Dad!”

“And I'm saying you can’t!”

But he said I could!”

“I don’t care!”

“But Dad hits people, why can’t I?” Nate asked, sounding like he was debating civil rights and not for hitting his brother.

“You’re father does that for his job, and he doesn't hit his siblings.”

“Yeah, cause he doesn’t talk to Uncle Barney,” Nate grumbled, “or he’d hit him.”

“You’re not hitting your brother,” Lance told him sternly. “I don’t care if he says you can or not.”

“Lila hits us,” Connor piped up. “She says we deserve it for bugging her.”

“I’ll talk to her about that later.”

“Hey, Dad?” Nate asked, and you could hear the devious grin in his voice.

“What?”

“What if I did this?” Nate asked, and a thump sounded before Nate laughed loudly, his light footsteps running away quickly.

“I've gotta go, I’ll call you later.”

“See ya,” Nat said while she laughed.

Lance hung up and took off after Nate.

“Connor! Distract him!” Nate yelled over his shoulder, booking it up the stairs.

“If you don’t listen to your brother, I'll make brownies!”

“I’ll give you ten dollars!” Nate cried over his shoulder, grinning widely as he overpased the Alpha.

“They’ll be caramel brownies!” Lance said as he ran after Nate.

“Damn it!” Nate exclaimed, diving into his room.

Lance threw open the door and grabbed his son, carrying him back downstairs upside down.

“Dad!” Nate yelled as he laughed, squirming around so he kept slipping.

“Yes?” Lance asked as he hefted Nate back up so he didn’t hit his head.

“Guess what?” Nate asked, back to being to devious bugger when Lance reached the bottom floor.

“What?”

“I learned something new.”

“And what’s that?”

“This,” Nate said, twisting sharply so Lance lost his grip, freaking flipping away like a ninja, booking it out of the front door, almost running into it before he got it open. Lance wasn’t sure he wanted to chase him.

“Dad!” Connor exclaimed, “teach me how to do that!”

“I’m too old. Ask your sister, tell her I said she has to.”

“But she went to the gully where all the stoners hang out!” His eight year old cried, making him wonder what and how the hell he found that word.

“Then ask her when she gets back.”

“But she said it’s gonna be night time and it’s only,” Connor paused, looking over at the clock, “ten ish!”

“You can wait until tomorrow, buddy.”

“Ugh,” Connor sounded, flopping on Lance's lap when he sat back down.

“I know, so difficult.”

“Dad!”

“What?” Lance asked calmly as he started tickling Connor.

“Dad, no!” Connor said, slapping his hands away hard.

“What? I’m not doing anything,” Lance said deviously as he kept tickling him.

“Dad! I’ll tell Lila and she’s beat your ass! She said I’m her ‘fucking favorite’,” Connor said seriously, pausing, “whatever that means.”

Lance sighed. “I can take your sister, and don’t repeat what she says, please. I don’t want you getting sent home from school.”

“Why would I?”

“Because not everything she says is all that good.”

“Nate says nothing she says is good cause she’s Alpha.”

“Now that’s not true.”

“Why not?”

“Because being an Alpha doesn’t make you automatically bad.”

“Oh. Sorry. Are you an Alpha?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Is daddy not?”

“No, he’s an Omega.”

“One of the kids in class said that she has to go live with her mom ‘cause she’s Omega.”

“That happens a lot.”

“Why?”

“Because people think Omegas are better at taking care of children.”

“But you’re an awesome dad.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“I know,” Connor exclaimed, sitting on Lance’s knees, “‘cause you are!”

“Thanks, Connor.”

“Welcome,” Cnnor said, wrapping his arms around the Alpha’s stomach,

Lance rubbed his back in response.

“Hey, Dad.” Connor asked after a second, leaning back, “is it true that Omega’s eyes are gold?”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“Then why do Dad’s go red-y gold?”

“Because he’s an Alpha Omega.”

“Huh?” Connor asked, looking confused. Poor thing was just getting into this stuff.

“You know how you have Alpha, Beta, and Omega?”

“Kinda. We’ve only talked about Betas at school.”

“Okay, well, in each classification, there are three tiers, Alpha Omega is the top tier in the Omega tiers, does that make sense?”

“Not really.”

“Okay, so think of a ladder, and there are three sections on the ladder, and in each section there are three rungs, in the ‘Omega’ section of the ladder, your Dad is the top rung, which means he has some ‘Alpha’ tendencies sometimes.” 

“Oh. So it’s like when the remote freaks out and does things we don’t touch?”

“Kind of.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Yep.”

“So do you act not like an Alpha?”

“Sometimes, I’m a Beta Alpha, which means I have Beta tendencies.”

“Isn’t that the one that stays out of everything and doesn’t care?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Is that why you’re so cool?”

“I like to think so.”

“I wanna be Beta.”

“Oh?”

“They sound cool.”

“They’re all cool.”

“Okay. If you say so.”

“I do.”

“Dad!” Connor exclaimed, grabbing Lance’s face with both hands as something occurred to him.

“Yeah?”

“Can we watch TV since school’s not happening?!”

Lance thought for a minute. “Okay, what do you want to watch?”

“Invader Zim!!”

“Alright,” Lance said, grabbing the remote.

“Yay!”

Lance chuckled as he pulled up the requested TV show.

“Love you,” Connor said as he tucked himself in Lance’s side.

“Love you too, buddy.”

They watched for about an hour before Lance heard a window slide open upstairs.

“You stay here, I’m going to go talk to your brother,” Lance said as he untagnled himself from Connor.

“Aww, but dad!” Connor whined.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Fiiiine.”

Lance shook his head fondly as he headed upstairs. When he looked into Nate’s room, he saw a couple fingers holding onto the windowsill.

“Need a hand?” Lance asked as he looked out of the window at Nate.

Nate yelped, his fingers slipping in his surprise and he fell back into the tree he had been climbing up.

“C’mon, give me your hand,” Lance said, holding his hand out.

“Ow,” Nate replied, his arms twisted together.

“Kay, you’ve gotta let go with one hand right now.”

“No!” Nate yelped, holding tighter as he looked around, slipping so his feet were on a branch.

“Yes, just grab my hand, I’ll pull you up.”

“But then I’ll be in trouble,” the twelve year-old said stubbornly.

“You’re in trouble anyway, might as well get through it without a broken arm.”

“But then I get a cool cast!” Nate said with his patented troublemaker grin.

“Nate!”

“What?” Nate asked innocently, hopping up to grab another branch, pulling himself up to be eye level with the Alpha, just barely out of reach.

“You know what, now grab my hand for crying out loud.”

“But it’s fun right here,” Nate said smugly.

“Nathaniel Barton, grab my hand, you’re coming inside.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“What’s in it for me?” The slight boy asked.

“If you come in now, you’ll be in less trouble.”

“But I can stay out here forever and never get in trouble,” Nate pointed out slyly.

“What about when you get hungry? Or tired?”

“Bark is edible, and I can sleep in the v there,” Nate replied, pointing to a spot where three branches spread.

“What about when it snows? Or rains?”

“Then I’ll be cold and wet,” Nate said with a shrug.

“Nate, seriously, just get inside.”

“Why? It won’t get me outta trouble.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten in trouble in the first place.”

“Where’s the fun in that? Lila does it and never gets yelled at or anything.”

“Yes she does, just not where you can hear it.”

“Uh huh,” Nate said disbelievingly.

“If you come in now, I won’t yell at you.”

Nate narrowed his eyes, “But that still means I get in trouble, you just won’t yell at me.”

“I know.”

“So it’s not worth it.”

“You’re going to get in trouble no matter what.”

“Then I’ll stay up here until dad comes home because he likes me equal. You like Lila and Connor more.”

“I do not.”

Nate scowled, “yeah you do.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Cause it’s true.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is,” Nate said stubbornly, “and you know it!”

Lance sighed and climbed out the window into the tree with some difficulty. “No its not. And to prove that I’ll just stay out here with you.”

“That branch is gonna break,” Nate said as he climbed up higher.

“Is it?” Lance asked.

“Yep,” Sure enough, there was a small cracking sound if Lance payed attention. He quickly scrambled from that branch onto a thicker one.

“Just go back in,” Nate said, shaking his head down at the Alpha from his perch.

“No.”

“you’re gonna fall.”

“Then I guess I’ll fall.”

“But then Connor would cry.”

“Oh well.”

“Well, I guess dad would come back then,” Nate said, sounding hopeful as he climbed higher.

“He’s actually on a mission right now.”

“Who’s he gonna kill this time?” Nate asked dully.

“He’s actually protecting a mute albino girl.”

Nate gave him a look of, ‘yeah, sure’, “Really? That’s the best you got?”

“I have a picture.”

“Uh huh.”

“I do,” Lance said, pulling out his phone.

“Careful,” Nate said as he lost his balance a little. “I don’t really want you to fall too much.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“So you’ll do enough for two?” Nate asked flatly, hopping to another branch, crouching as it swayed.

“That’s not accurate at all, Nate.”

“That’s what people think Alphas do,” Nate said with a shrug.

“Well, great minds may think alike, but fools seldom differ.”

Nate just raised an eyebrow, looking like Nat for a long moment, solemn and disbelieving.

“Also, generalizing any group of people is known as stereotyping.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

Nate rolled his eyes as Lance’s foot slipped again, lowering a rope from a little fort he had made, just thick enough to support part of Lance’s weight so he couldn’t climb up it.

Lance shook his head. “What else do people say?”

“You know more than me,” Nate said in a condescending way, “you go to the prison all the time, not me.”

“I do,” Lance agreed. “But I want to know what you hear.”

“Why? You don’t anytime besides this.”

“I always want to know what’s going on with you, Nate.”

“Sure,” Nate said in a way that was anything but agreeing.

“I do.”

“Yeah right.”

“Don’t know why you think I don’t.”

“Cause you don't like me.”

“No, I love you.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re great, and you’re my son.”

“So it’s an obligation,” Nate said like it confirmed everything.

“No, it’s more inherent.”

“Sure.”

“It is.”

“Whatever,” Nate said, hopping up higher, “you just deal with me because you screwed dad and got him pregnant.”

“I don’t ‘deal’ with you, Nate, I promise. That's not how it is. I love you just as much as the other two.”

“Nope. You’re lying, just like every other grown up.”

“I’d never lie about that.”

“Yeah. Just like how you lie to Connor about Santa and Lila about not caring where she goes.”

“...Okay, I do lie about that. But I’m not about this.”

“How do I know you’re not?” Nate asked skeptically.

“Why would I?”

“Because people lie all the time and aren’t trustworthy at all.”

Okay, new tactic. “Do you know what ‘I love you’ means?”

“It means tolerating someone,” Nate said instantly.

“Not really. At least not to me, it means that whoever you’re saying it to means a great deal to you, that you’d move heaven and earth if it meant you could see them smile. It’s not a throw around phrase, you only say it to the people who mean the most to you.”

“You’re wrong,” Nate said simply.

“It’s kinda hard to be wrong when that’s my opinion of it.”

“Fine. Your opinion is not factual,” Nate said like a cop. It seriously sounded like he had practiced this voice.

“Okay, how so?”

“Spies say ‘I love you’ to people they don’t, Lila says ‘I love you’ to her ‘friends’ she hates, it’s totally a throw away comment.”

“Maybe to some people, but not to me.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s what I was taught,” Lance said with a shrug.

“So it could be a mentality that was passed along that’s wrong?”

“It could be, but society and the desire to fit in can be a big part of that.”

“So you could be wrong, and love means nothing,” Nate summed up smugly.

“Maybe from someone else’s perspective,” Lance said with a shrug, “but love is an abstract concept, it’s different for everyone.”

“So there’s no way to define it.”

“Not entirely, but you can always define it for yourself.” 

“Fine,” Nate grumbled.

“Fine?” Lance asked, blinking in confusion.

“You win,” Nate said with a dramatic sigh, “you can explain love. Happy?”

“That wasn’t what I was going for, but okay.”

“Still doesn’t explain why you ‘love’ me.”

“Because you’re important to me.”

“Why? Because you haven’t given me up like different Alphas do?” Nate asked, tone bordering on sarcastic.

“No, because from the moment I held you, I knew I’d do anything for you. No matter the cost.”

“Because it wouldn’t be worth the money you’ve already spent on me to give up?”

“No, of course not.”

“That’s what Sam says.”

“Who’s Sam?”

“No one,” Nate said quickly.

“I won’t press this time.”

“You never do, so why say this time?” Nate asked dryly.

“Well, do you want me to?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because I want you to be happy.”

“Why? I’m just a Beta.”

“So?”

“I’m not worth anything.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes it is,” Nate said matter of factly.

“I would hate to see a world without Betas,” Lance said honestly.

“Meh,” Nate replied, missing a branch by maybe an inch, falling through the branches of the tree.

“Nate!” Lance yelled, instantly springing into action in an attempt to catch him somehow. He kinda did, but then they both fell, the air getting knocked out of Lance’s lungs as he hit the unforgiving ground.

“You okay?” He forced out.

“Fine,” Nate sniffed.

“You sure?” Lance asked, looking over at him.

Nate nodded wordlessly, not looking at him, sniffing again, curling in on himself.

“What’s wrong, bud?” Lance asked, forcing himself to sit up.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” Nate said, obviously lying.

“C’mon, I married your father, I know when someone’s lying.”

Nate laughed wetly, sniffing again, but turned his back to the Alpha.

“Nate, please tell me.”

“I don’t know,” Nate whimpered as he moved.

“Will you tell me where it hurts?”

“My hand.”

“Can I look at it?”

Nate slowly moved so he could see, keeping his hand close go his body as he grimaced.

Lance was pretty sure a hand wasn’t supposed to bend that way. “I think we’re gonna have to go to the doctor.”

“No!” Nate cried, looking terrified, tears streaming down his face.

“Nate, I have no idea what to do, it might be broken. We need to go to the doctor’s.”

“I’m fine!” Nate exclaimed, grabbing his hand and bending it, “see?” The last part came out choked as he started hiccuping.

“Don’t do that,” Lance said desperately. “Please.”

“Kay,” Nate whimpered.

“Thank you. Now, we really need to go to the doctor’s so you can get a cool cast, okay?”

“Damn it,” Nate muttered, “not worth it.”

“Would you like to be able to use your hand in the relatively near future?”

Nate thought for a long moment, not saying anything.

“Without your hand, you might not be able to climb as well.”

“What?!” Nate exclaimed, jumping to his feet, cradling his hand to his chest, “hell no!”

“Then let’s go to the doctor’s so that doesn’t happen,” Lance said, getting to his feet as well.

“I can go by myself,” Nate declared, already walking to the driveway.

“Actually, legally you can’t.”

Nate faltered, looking back, “what?”

“You’re a minor, you have to have a parent or guardian with you. And yes, I know, it’s unfair.”

“Ugh. But someone has to stay with Connor!”

“I’ll call Lila,” Lance assured him.

Nate rolled his eyes, heading for the house.

Lance shook his head. “That’s not the direction of the car.”

“But I’ll be fine. Someone had to be here with Connor.”

“We can take him with us.”

“Oh,” Nate said sheepishly, “I guess.”

“Yeah, so you get in the car, I’ll grab Connor, and we’ll go. Okay?

Nate stood there for a long moment, glaring at the ground. “Fine. It’s what dad would do.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“Ugh,” Nate said as he trotted to the car.

“Thank you!” Lance called before heading inside. “Hey, Connor, grab your shoes. We’ve gotta go.”

“What’s up?” Connor asked as he grabbed his shoes, putting them on as he walked over.

“Nate broke his hand.”

“I wanna see!” Connor said, forgetting about putting on his other shoe as he ran outside, shoe in hand. “Where is he, dad?”

“In the car.”

“no he’s not.”

“He’s supposed to be,” Lance said with an eye roll.

“He’s not,” Connor said, looking around, “oh, there he is… he’s walking.”

“Nate!” Lance yelled.

“What?”

“Get in the car!”

“You were taking too long!”

“I took maybe five seconds! Get in the car!”

“But I’m already way over here!”

“Get in the car, Connor,” Lance said, heading for the garage.

“Okay, Dad!” Connor said, being the excited little boy he was, running for the car.

Lance pulled the car onto the road and came up right beside Nate. “Get in the car.”

“Fine,” Nate said with an eye roll, opening the door with one hand.

“Thank you.”

“Ugh.”

“Okay, let’s go,” Lance said, taking off down the road, wondering if he should call Clint now or later.

“Are there bones poking out of his skin?” Connor asked as he buckled himself in the backseat.

“No,” Lance said with an eye roll.

“Darn.”

“Yes, very disappointing,” Lance said, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

“Can we listen to music?” Nate asked after point two seconds. The emo phase was really hitting this kid with a baseball bat.

“Sure, go ahead,” Lance said, trying to keep the exasperation down.

“Thanks,” Nate said, turning on the radio, fiddling with it.

_ “Just pick a station,”  _ Lance thought to himself.

Nate flipped through seven more before turning to Connor, “this doesn’t swear, so it’s okay for you, got it?”

“Are you kidding me?” Lance muttered under his breath.

“Huh?” Both Connor and Nate asked, heads whipping to him.

“Nothing,” Lance said tersely, “just talking to myself.”

“Oh. My teacher does that,” Connor said innocently, “she says it’s ‘cause she’s mad. Are you mad at us?”

“No, he’s just crazy,” Nate said flatly, “and so is your teacher.”

“I’ve heard you talk to yourself,” Connor said in Lance’s defence.

“Yeah, well, sometimes I need a second opinion.”

“Huh?” Connor asked, “...but you’re the same person…”

“Is now really the best time for this discussion?” Lance asked, his voice a lot harsher than he meant it to be.

There was a shocked silence where neither boy said anything.

Lance sighed silently, great, now he’s scared the itty bitties.

“Why are your eyes red?” Connor asked hesitantly after roughly five minutes, sounding really timid.

Shit. “Uh, because sometimes they do that when I get really emotional about something.” That was a shitty answer.

“It means he’s pissed as fuck,” Nate said snarkily.

“I’m not mad.”

“Bullshit.”

“...Yeah, I don’t really have a response to that.”

“Told ya, Connor, I’m the one that makes him mad,” Nate said as if Lance wasn’t there. “He hates me.”

“Actually, this one is a culmination of many things. Most of them involving your father.”

“What’s up with dad?” Connor asked.

“He’s very good at hitting my worry button.”

Nate smirked, “among other things.”

“Very funny,” Lance said dryly.

“Hey, Connor,” Nate said, holding up his hand, moving it grotesquely, “check it out! It doesn’t hurt!”

“It will in an hour or so,” Lance told him.

“Then I have an hour to do this,” Nate replied with a shrug, a shink noise coming from his hand as he moved it more, which was less than appetizing.

“Please don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s gross, for one, and that will make it worse.”

Nate hesitated, reluctantly putting his hand back in his lap.

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

They drove in relative silence the rest of the way to the hospital. Something that was good for Lance’s blood pressure.

“You can wait in the car,” Nate declared when the got there, “I have an adult, so they can’t get you in trouble.”

“No.”

“But-”

“Not an option, bud,” Lance said, getting out of the car. “I have to fill out the paperwork.”

“Damn it, Connor, c’mon,” Nate grumbles.

“Okay!” Connor said excitedly as he got out of the car.

“Can’t you just be cool about things?” Nate grouched.

“You were like that when you were his age.”

“But I'm not his age anymore and won’t be again.”

“No, but he’s eight. He can be excited.”

“He’s seven, dad,” Nate said with an eyeroll.

“His birthday was last month. He’s eight.”

“No, his birthday is in three, mine was last month.”

“Ugh, I’m too old for this. I’m sorry, guys.”

“It’s fine dad!” Connor exclaimed.

“Okay, let’s get Nate patched up, and then we can go home.”

“If we have too,” Nate said with a sigh, walking through the doors by himself. “Hey, I broke my hand!”

“Oh, look it’s the Barton clan. So it's not Lila with the broken hand this time?” The receptionist said with a laugh.

“No, thank heaven,” Lance said.

“Yeah, well here’s the dreaded clipboard, and I’ll get you back there as soon as possible, okay?”

“Alright, thanks,” Lance said, taking the clipboard and sitting down to fill it out.

“No problem, Lance. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to raise three children virtually on your own.”

“I’m not on my own,” Lance said defensively.

“Of course not,” the receptionist said with false sympathy, “it’s just that your husband never seems to be home.”

“Yeah, cause when he’s at home we’re in the hospital,” Nate said sarcastically, “and not, you know, hanging out with your badass other dad.”

“Nate,” Lance whispered, “It's not worth it.”

“I’ll decide if it’s worth it,” Nate said to him as sassy as sassy can be.

“Well, shouldn’t he at least be in the state most of the time?” The receptionist asked blandly.

“No, because he doesn’t need to be, unlike your unstable butt,” Nate said in the same tone. “He’s not emotionally insecure.”

“I am so sorry,” Lance said quickly, even though he wanted to high five Nate for that one.

“And he has more important things to do,” Nate added.

“More important things than spending time with his family?”

“Yeah, like making sure other families can get back to theirs.”

Lance but his lip to keep from snickering.

The receptionist looked at a loss for words.

Lance looked at her calmly. “While you are definitely entitled to your own opinion, I would appreciate it if you left my kids and husband out of it.”

“Cause I'll win,” Nate said smugly.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Lance agreed. He finished the paperwork in record time, handing it back to the receptionist before going back to his seat, Connor practically gluing himself to his side when he did. About fifteen minutes later, the doctor came into the waiting room. “Ah, Lance, back again? Who broke what?”

“I broke my hand,” Nate replied before Lance could, standing up.

“Oh? I’m surprised it’s not Lila with the broken hand because she got in another fist fight.”

“Nope. She’s with the stoners. She’ll only break her mind this time,” Nate said simply.

“That sounds about right, well come on back and we’ll get an X-Ray to see what we’re dealing with.”

“It’s broken and I can do this,” Nate said flatly, moving his hand in a way it definitely wasn’t supposed to and he followed the doctor.

“Yes, well I’d like to see what kind of break and where it is.”

“Oh. I guess that’s alright.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“That’s one of us.”

The doctor laughed. “Yes, I suppose it is.”

Lance shook his hand as he carried Connor behind the little parade.

“So, Lance, I have to know, how’s Clint? Bet you’re proud, seeing him save the world like that.”

Lance shrugged, “It’s cool and all, but I just want him here. He’s good though.”

“You always were a worrier.”

Lance chuckled, “yeah, guess I am.”

“So, Nathaniel, what did you do to your hand?”

“Fell out of a tree with Dad.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I was climbing and slipped. I haven’t felt from my elbow down since, too,” Nate said casually.

“That makes sense, your brain releases a chemical to dull the pain when you experience an injury like this. It’ll fade in an hour or so.”

“Nah, it’s ‘cause I hit my funny bone on a branch right before Dad tried to catch me.”

“That’s certainly part of it.”

“Boring.”

“I’m sure.”

Lance sighed, shaking his head as Connor shifted.

“So how long will this take?” Nate asked.

“As long as it takes,” Lance replied.

“Ugh!”

“C'mon, Nate, it’s not that bad,” Lance said as the doctor lead them to the x-ray room.

“Yes it is.”

“It’s not and you know it” Lance replied with a sigh. “Besides, you get to see your bones.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, that's what x-rays do.”

“Cool.”

“See?”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

The doctor grinned over the boy’s head at Lance, chuckling silently, “Not to mention you get to take the x-rays home with you.”

“That's awesome.”

“Yeah, can I get you to sit here?” The doctor asked, putting a chair on the edge on the x-ray table.

“Sure,” Nate said as he hopped up onto the table. 

“Thank you,” Th doctor replied, carefully sliding a- well, to Nate it looked like a mini blackboard- under his arm.

“What is that?” Nate asked.

“It’s what the pictures of your bones go on at first,” The doctor replied.

“Oh, okay.”

The doctor moved his hand carefully so it was flat against the board, centering it up, “can you stay like that for a while while I take the picture?”

“Yep.”

“Alright, Lance,” The doctor gestured to the Alpha to come into the next room after draping a lead apron on Nate.

Lance all but dragged a complaining seven year-old into the next room. Apparently, Connor thought he should be able to stay with Nate. “Connor,” he sighed, “you have to come with me, we can see Nate from the room, see?”

“But why do we have to leave in the first place?” Connor whined.

“So that the doctor can take pictures,” Lance replied.

“Ugh! Fine!”

“Thank you,” Lance sighed in relief.

Connor crossed his arms petulantly and pouted as he walked into the room, letting Lance know how little he liked this.

The doctor got the x-rays quickly, then went back in.

“So where’s the picture?” Connor asked.

“It’ll be a bit,” Lance explained.

“Why?”

“Because,” Lance said, because he had no clue, “but we’re gonna go to a room.”

“Again? Does Nate get to go too this time?”

“Sit.”

“Fine,” Connor said and sat down.

“Not in here,” Lance said exasperatedly.

“Then where?”

“In a different room,” Lance replied as the doctor lead them to a hospital room.

“Why?”

“So that if someone else needs to be x-rayed they can be.”

“Oh, so if Lila broke  _ her  _ hand she can get a picture too.”

“Yeah,” Lance said, “but she better not have to.”

“Okay.”

“So let’s go, do you want me to carry you?”

“No, I can walk,” Connor said and hopped off the seat to follow them.

“Alright.” Lance was so grateful he could get one of his kids to cooperate on a regular basis. Otherwise, he’d probably go insane.

“So,” Nate asked the doctor, “is it true that doctors steal people’s kidneys when they do surgery?”

“No, we don’t steal their kidneys.”

“Why not?” Nate asked, “You could make money.”

“Because that’s unethical.”

“Huh?”

“We don’t do that, because it’s not a good thing to do.”

“Oh. But people do.”

“I don’t.”

“Okay. But what if I want you to steal mine?”

“I’m not going to.”

“Damn.” Lance was gonna have to talk to him about his language.

“Yes, yes, such a shame.”

“Sorry,” Lance said with a sigh to the doctor.

“It’s fine, I’ve gotten weirder questions.”

“I can only imagine,” Lance said flatly as Nate flopped on the bed, completely careless of his hand, “Nate!”

“What?”

“Don’t do that!”

“Do what?”

“Wha- what you just did!” Lance exclaimed, “don’t! You’ll mess up your hand more!”

“So?”

“You won’t be able to climb,” Lance said solemnly.

“Dammit.”

Lance sighed, “don’t cuss, please?”

“Why? Lila does it.”

“She shouldn’t.”

“But she does, all the damn time.”

“ _ Nate,”  _ Lance said exasperatedly.

“Ugh! Fine!”

“Thank you!”

The doctor was doing his best not to laugh at the exchange. “So what color of cast do you want before I leave so I can get it?”

“Red.”

“Alright,” the doctor said as he got up to leave.

Lance was starting to wonder, not for the first time, why he took his family anywhere at this point.

“Hey, Dad,” Connor said, tugging on his shirt, “Can we get a treat after this? If we’re good?”

Lance thought for a moment. “But I’m already making caramel brownies, remember?”

“Oh yeah! I forgot!!”

“So we’ll have those later, okay?”

“Okay!”

“Alright, but you two still have to be good.”

“So be good!” Connor exclaimed to Nate as he reached for the remote.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Connor pouted, staring at him wordlessly, something he had found out bugged Nate onto submission.

“Ugh! Fine!”

“Thanks,” Connor said, grinning widely.

“What am I going to do with you two?” Lance asked.

“Kill us?”

“That is an option, yes.”

“Yay!”

Lance shook his head, “or maybe I could ship you off to your other Dad. Let him handle you guys for a few months.”

Nate damn near shot to his feet on the bed, “Please?!”

“If he wasn’t on a mission and if you didn’t have school, I’d consider it.”

“Please?” Nate asked, sounding a bit desperate, honestly.

“Maybe when he gets back from his mission, okay? I was already thinking about a trip there anyway.”

“Fuck yeah!” Nate exclaimed excitedly.

Lance sighed, there was no backing out now it seemed.

“Thank you,” Nate said quickly. “You're the best dad ever!”

“I know. But you’ll have to keep up on your schoolwork, got it?”

“Okay, I will,” Nate promised, nodding his head quickly.

“Good,” Lance said, he’d definitely have to call Clint and probably Nat to make sure this was okay.

“Thank you so much!” Nate looked like Christmas had come early.

“No problem.”

While they waited, Nate was practically vibrating he was so excited. Lance really hoped the trip worked out, otherwise, he was screwed. And Nate would hate him forever. He really should've kept his big mouth shut. Too late now? Was it? He could plead his case to Nat and she’d make something work, right? She probably could… hopefully. Too late, guess he’d have to make it work. Shit.

“So when is he coming back?” Connor asked.

“I don’t know,” Lance answered.

“Okay.”

Lance nodded, wondering when the doctor was going to come back. In the meantime, Connor started fidgeting, obviously bored as he tapped his fingers. Lance prayed that he could hold out long enough for the doctor to show up.

“Guys!” Nate hissed, finding the button to adjust the bed, “check this out!”

“Cool!” Connor exclaimed.

“Yeah!”

“Can I try?”

“Yeah! Come on!”

Connor practically flew over to the hospital bed.

“Guys, don’t break it,” Lance sighed.

“We won’t!”

“Alright.”

Connor giggled as Nate moved the bed up and down. Damn it, that was cute. Not that it surprised Lance, everything his kids did tended to be somewhere on the cute spectrum. He pulled out his phone, recording it discreetly for Clint. And himself, he’d probably be watching this later. Definitely going to watch it later, who was he kidding? Absolutely no one at this point. Nat would want to see this too. He made a mental note to send it to her. “Guys!” He gasped as Connor started to slip off the bed, he was getting up and catching him in no time, dropping his phone along the way.

“Sorry,” Nate said sheepishly.

Lance sighed, putting Connor securely on the bed. “It’s fine, just please be careful.”

“Okay.”

Lance sat back down, but this time on the edge of his seat, ready for the next fall. Which he was certain would happen. It was just a matter of time with those two. But at least they were having fun. And they weren’t being too wild. That’s really all he could ask for. This was gonna be a fun visit. As always.

“Dad!” Nate exclaimed, finding the switch for the lights, “check it out!”

“Let’s not do that, please.”

“Aww, why not?” Nate whined.

“Because I said so, that’s why.”

“Uggggggghhhhh!”

“Yeah, yeah. I know, I’m mean.”

“Why are you so meeeaaaan?” Nate whined.

“Because I’m old.”

“Then I don’t wanna be old like you.”

“No one does.”

“Ugh. I’m bored.”

“Join the club.”

“Hey, Connor,” Nate after a second, grinning mischievously.

“What?” Connor asked innocently.

“I betcha can’t fit under the bed!”

“Yes I can!”

“No you can’t!”

“Connor, you are not trying to crawl under the bed,” Lance said firmly.

“But… why not?” Connor asked, blinking in confusion. “It won’t hurt anything.”

“It might hurt you.”

“It will?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s fine, just don’t do it.”

“Okay dad.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s no problem.”

Lance briefly thought that maybe this was part of the reason Clint insisted he keep his job at SHIElD when they decided to start a family. Because he knew this is what would most likely happen. That bastard. Maybe he should bring that up next time they spoke. He sighed, sinking into his seat more. Where was the damn doctor?

“Hey dad, how long do we have to be here?” Connor asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Okay.”

“This is boring,” Nate declared, flopping onto the bed with no regard for his injury.

“Careful!”

“That’s boring too!”

“Nate!”

“What? It is!”

“Nate!” Lance exclaimed, “knock it off and sit down,  _ please!” _

“Fine!” Nate said, sitting down with a huff.

“Thank you,” Lance said with a sigh.

“Dad, why is it taking so long?” Connor asked, tugging on his shirt sleeve.

“I don’t know, kiddo,” Lance replied, wondering that himself.

“Okay.”

“Hey,” Lance said as an idea occurred to him, “Do you want to talk to Dad?”

“Yes!” Both kids screamed excitedly.

“Alright,” Lance said, grabbing his phone off the floor with a grin. He pulled up Clint’s contact and put him on speaker.

“I swear to god, Lance, if you’re gonna pull shit again I’m hanging up,” Clint swore.

“Careful,” Lance replied, “there are children present.”

“Huh?”

“Hi, Dad!” Connor yelled.

“Hey there, bud,” Clint replied, and you could hear the smile in his voice, “Is Nate there too?”

“Yep, I’m here,” Nate replied.

“Hey guys,” Clint said brightly, “how are you two doing? Getting to have fun?”

“I broke my hand.”

“Hold on, what?” Clint asked.

“Dad and I fell out of a tree and I broke my hand.”

“Lance was in a tree?” Clint asked, sounding concerned. He knew Lance’s track record with climbing after all.

“Nate wouldn’t leave the tree, what else was I supposed to do?” Lance asked.

“Leave his ass on there!” Clint exclaimed, “he’ll come down or fall by himself!”

“Well, it just kinda happened.”

Clint sighed, “how are you doing, both of you?”

“I’m great,” Connor exclaimed, “Dad’s gonna make caramel brownies later.”

“Lucky,” Clint said, playing up the jealousy.

“I’ll eat one for you!”

“Alright, hold about you and Nate split one for me?”

“Okay!”

“Good. So how are you, Nate? How bad is it?”

“We don’t know, the doctor hasn’t come back with the x-ray and it still doesn’t hurt.”

“That might be a bad thing, little man.”

“Why?”

“Because nerves make you feel pain and if those get messed up it’s bad.”

“Speaking from experience?” Lance asked cheekily.

“Yes,” Clint admitted.

“Knew it.”

“Neh. Anyway, I wanna hear what’s been going on with you guys!”

“Lila’s getting stoned,” Connor said matter-of-factly.

“What?” Clint asked in a less than thrilled voice.

“She’s not actually getting stoned, she just went down to the gully,” Lance said with a sigh.

“Sure she’s not,” Clint said flatly.

“I’m doing my best here, Clint!”

“I know,” Clint said quickly, “she’s just a major handful by herself. I'll call her after I finish the conversation at hand, okay, babe?”

“Okay, sweetheart.”

He heard Clint sigh but he let it go, “ew gross!” Nate said loudly.

Lance smirked. “I love you, Clint.”

“Daaad,” Nate complained.

“I love you too, Lance,” Clint said in the sappiest voice he could muster.

“You two are gross,” Connor announced.

“Yep,” Clint agreed. “We’re so gross and in love.”

“Ugh,” Nate said with an eye roll, “so what are you doing Dad?”

“Seeing how many people Kate and I can piss off without crossing a line.”

“Is Kate a girl you’re fucking for secrets?”

“No, Kate is a girl I’m protecting.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s the Russian Ambassador’s daughter.”

“What’s her last name if she’s Russian?” Nate asked, having found out the Russian’s had ‘cool’ names.

“Volkova.”

Lance frowned, “Clint, hun, you need to read that file better.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s what it is.”

“Try world council, honey.”

“What does that even mean?”

“They’re the people that do the stuff with alien matters and are over Fury.”

“And?”

“Think politicians of the world.”

“What does this have to do with her last name?”

Lance sighed, “her dad is probably one of them. Do you even pay attention to the news anymore?”

“No, most if it’s fake shit.”

“Truth. But the media’s been following them right now because they’re debating a blanket right for Omegas and Betas for equal rights, dipshit.”

“It’s about damn time. Why is this even a debate? What are the downsides? Omegas and Betas might have a voice?”

Lance snorted, “I know, honey. But there’s been a lot of crap going on. That’s probably why you’re protecting her.”

“What kind of crap?” Clint asked bitterly. “Oh no! People are becoming equal! Run!”

Nate snorted, “You’re awesome, dad.”

“I know.”

“Well, what am I then?” Lance asked.

“My boy toy,” Clint said seriously.

Nate’s eyes went wide, and he said in a seriously innocent voice, “Like my teacher’s gardener?”

“I have regrets,” Clint muttered.

Nate smirked, “oh, really?”

“Yes.”

“But yeah, we’ve been talking about this stuff in class.”

“Oh? And what are your thoughts on it?”

“I dunno. Everyone says Betas are the worst and don’t need rights.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Nate shrugged, “eh. Sam says that it’s not.”

“Yeah, well, I say it is”

“Okay.”

“What else is there?”

“Huh?”

“With the stuff you’re learning in class, what else is there?”

“Oh, that, I dunno. We were just watching videos about it and talking and stuff.”

“Sounds about right.”

“We also talked about how society is drifting apart because of it,” Nate said like he was reading out of a book.

“Yeah, well if you ask me that’s always going to happen in times of change.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Nate said noncommittally.

“Anyway, politics aside, what’s up?”

I was, until I fell and dad broke my hand.”

“I didn’t break it!” Lance protested.

“You fell on it,” Nate said blandly.

“On accident!”

“Meh. You still broke it.”

Clint just laughed, not bothering to back up his husband at all.

“Ass,” Lance muttered.

“Is that all you think of me?” Clint asked deviously.

“Yes.”

“Oh really? Jackass.”

“Meh. Connor’s here, remember.”

“I know, I know.”

“Hey dad,” Connor started, “Is Kate gonna die if you mess up?”

“Uhh, I hope not.”

“Good,” Connor said, “there were too many people dying in the news.”

“...Why were you watching the news?”

“Cause it changed from Invader Zim and I don’t know how to change it back yet.”

“Shit,” Lance muttered.

Nate looked over at Connor, “then come get me, idiot!”

“You and Dad were talking!”

“Still!”

“This again?” Lance asked himself.

“What?” Clint asked.

“What?”

“What again?”

“Uhh, nothing?”

“Whatever,” Clint said good naturedly, “hey, you two, knock off the arguing and fighting.”

“Sorry, Dad,” the two boys chorused.

“Now, are you gonna be better?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Listen to your father or I won’t be able to let you visit.”

“We’ll be good!”

Clint chuckled, “good.”

“Thank you,” Lance said sheepishly.

“You’re welcome, hun.”

“Hey,” Connor asked suddenly. “Why did Dad’s eyes go red on our way over here?” Oh no, Lance was never going to hear the end of this.

“What?” Clint asked, “what was going on?”

“Cut me some slack,” Lance said, burying his face in his hands. “It’s been a long day.”

“You were probably making him emotional,” Clint explained, “do you remember when my eyes went gold when I was crying?”

“Yes.”

“It’s like that, but probably not because he was gonna cry, kay. It was he was probably really stressed.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah, so try to go easy on him, kay?” Clint asked patiently, “Looking at you, Nate, here.”

“Hey!” Nate protested.

“Just saying. You give people a hard time sometimes.”

“But-”

“Nate, c'mon little man, for me?”

“Fine.”

“Thank you. So what else have you been doing?”

“Not much.”

“I started to write really well,” Connor said.

“That’s great, bud!”

“Yeah, I can spell begin and stuff,” Connor said proudly.

“Oh, that’s so cool!”

“Yeah!”

“Anything else?”

Connor shrugged, “I best my friend in racing.”

“You’re getting so fast.”

“I can run a mile in ten minutes, I practiced at recess.”

“That’s awesome, bud!”

“I know!”

“What else?”

Nate cut Connor off, “I’m the best in my math class!”

“That’s awesome, little man!”

“I know,” Nate said smugly.

Lance shook his head fondly as Nate and Connor took turns shouting out accomplishments.

Clint always let them know how proud he was, getting more and more enthusiastic. It was adorable.

Nate took a deep breath after ranting about his pretests, and sighed, “so yeah, that’s what’s going on. But Sam won’t talk to me anymore,” he muttered the last part, looking down.

“That’s too bad.” 

“Yeah. He says it’s ‘cause his dad won’t let him, but I think he’s lying and doesn’t like me.”

“Doesn’t like you?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“I do,” Nate sighed.

“I’m sorry, bud.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah.”

“He said I don’t matter.”

“Now I know that’s not true.”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“Because I said so, and I’m awesome.”

“Meh. But you  _ have _ to say that.”

“Nope, no I don’t.”

“Yeah you do,” Nate said sullenly as the doctor came back.

“Hey, sorry for the wait,” he said.

“No problem, we’re just talking to my dad,” Nate said.

“Ah, sounds fun.”

“It is,” Lance said.

“Hey, doc!” Clint called.

“Mr. Barton,” The doctor replied with a smile and head shake.

“Is the picture ready?” Connor asked.

“Yeah,” the doctor replied, “good news is that you didn’t break anything, but you do have multiple dislocations.”

“So?” Nate asked, blinking in confusion.

“You’ll heal faster,” Clint supplied.

“Yes!”

“We’ll have to numb it to relocate them,” The doctor explained.

“You’re gonna have a rubber hand,” Lance said with a smirk.

“What?” Connor asked, looking horrified.

“Not really.”

“Oh, okay,” Connor sighed in relief.

“Yeah.”

“But why did you say that?” Nate asked, an edge of nervousness creeping into his voice.

“Because you won't feel your hand.”

“But I already don't.”

“More so.”

“Then just get it over with,” Nate sighed.

“Alright,” the doctor said, pulling out the numbing solution.

Nate’s eyes widened almost comically at the size of the needle, shrinking away.

“Don’t worry, you won’t even feel it.”

“Ha!” Nate exclaimed, voice octaves higher.

“Just squeeze Dad’s hand until it breaks,” Clint said.

“Ha!”

“Hey,” Lance protested, but offered his hand anyway, but was refused.

“Hold still,” the doctor told Nate as he came over.

Lance didn’t think there was anyway Nate would move, the boy looked like a deer in the headlights, frozen with fear. Poor guy. Lance grabbed his other hand, squeezing lightly to reassure him. Nate squeezed back a moment later.

Connor let out a sound as the needle pierced Nate’s skin, pressing his face into Lance’s side. Lance wrapped his arm around the kid.

“Are you all dead?” Clint asked hesitantly after a moment of silence.

“Yep,” Lance said dryly. “Come to our funeral and cry me a river, kay?”

“Deal. Hey, Nate, it’s gonna be okay, little man.”

“Yeah,” Nate squeaked out. The doctor made quick work of putting the joints back in place, splinting the hand and wrapping it with gauze.

“Worst part’s over, kay?”

“Kay.”

The doc gave Lance a list of instructions for Nate, letting them go pretty quick.

Lance let out a quiet sigh of relief when they all piled back into the car.

“Hey, love you guys, I’ve gotta go,” Clint said, “be good, brush your teeth, eat brownies, kay?”

“Okay,” Lance said with a laugh.

“Okay dad!” Connor cried and Nate just nodded, face pale still.

“We’ll talk to you later, kay, sweetie?”

Clitn sighed loudly, “fiiine. Don’t call me sweetie.”

“Bye sweetheart,” Lance said before hanging up.

“Why do you call him that?” Connor asked, leaning over the front seat to look at him.

“Because it pisses him off,” Lance said with a smirk.

“But I thought we weren't supposed to be mean.”

“This is different.”

“Oh?”

“Yep, I’m just teasing him.”

“Okay, Dad.”

“Okay.”

“Dad, is Nate okay? He’s still dead looking,” Connor said, poking Nate’s cheek.

“Yeah, he just doesn’t like needles.”

“I don’t care,” Nate said shakily, “ne-needles are stupid.”

“Yep, they are.”

“I better fucking damn well get mother fucking brownies for this goddamn bullshit,” Nate said tersely, not caring about language at all.

“Language.”

“Bite me.”

“No.”

“Then leave me alone.”

“Fine.”

“Ugh.”

If it hadn’t been for the children, Lance would’ve banged his head on the steering wheel.

“Don’t be mean,” Connor said, “remember what dad said?”

“Ugh.”

“Ha.”

Lance was now certain this is why Clint insisted on keeping his job at SHIELD. He shook his head, turning on the radio, only for Nate to change the station right off the bat. Ugh, the emo phase was strong with this one. The one phase he couldn’t even with, the kid had to be, great. He was way out of his depth. God, he needed Clint here. Preferably all the time, that would be nice. He knew that Clint’s work was important, but damn it if he didn’t want him to have a nine to five sometimes. Even though he knew Clint would never goi for it. Sadly. Maybe he could talk to Fury about getting Clint more time off. He grinned to himself, thinking about it.


	6. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Home is not where you are born; home is where all your attempts to escape cease."  
> -Unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, here's another chapter for you all! I hope you enjoy it. As always, I want to know what you think. Leave kudos and comments (especially comments. I cannot emphasize this enough.)

Tony landed lightly on the balcony, the armor taking itself off. Damn was he hungry. Note to self, don’t get the fuck out without breakfast next time. He walked inside, hoping he didn’t get ambushed again. So far nothing, so he went to the kitchen. Maybe he could find his marshmallows. Fuck yes! That sounded good! And nutella, always nutella. He dug through the cupboards as quietly as possible, but knocked one of the metal water bottles off the counter with a clatter. Damn!

“Tony?” An all too familiar voice asked.

Oops. “Yeah?” Tony asked timidly.

“Oh, thank god,” Steve said, all but running into the room and pulling Tony into a hug. “I was so worried.”

Tony let out a whmph sound as the air got knocked out of him, “y-yeah,” he wheezed.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, not letting go. “Are you hurt? Did anything happen?”

“Breathing,” Tony wheezed, “need it!”

“Oh! Sorry,” Steve said, loosening his grip.

“Thanks, Cap,” Tony gasped.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked again.

“Now that my ribs have a chance, yep,” Tony replied.

“Thank god.”

“Why?” Tony asked before he could help it, “dude doesn’t exist.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Meh, it’s what I took it as,” Tony said dryly. “So what's up, Spangles?”

“Uhh, I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk, and Lance adopted an albine Russian girl.”

“Albine?” Tony asked, tilting his head to the side at the Alpha, “what?”

Steve thought for a moment. “Albino! That’s the word I'm looking for!”

“Wait, albino Russian girl? The actual hell did I miss and how much did you drink?”

“Clint’s on a mission, so we called him, then Nat called Lance and yeah, he adopted the girl Clint’s protecting. Also, I drank way too much.”

“I can tell,” Tony said dryly, “what’s the name?”

“Kate.”

“Kate? That doesn’t seem Russian… do I need to get my suit for another set of Sokovia twins?”

“No, it’s probably a nickname or something. I dunno.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So still a horny drunk?” Tony asked with a smirk. “Or not enough booze yet?”

“Uhh, I dunno.”

“Why don't we see?” 

“How? Why?”

“Because and duh, with kissing.”

“Ummm.”

“Just kiss me,” Tony said with an eye roll. “If you’ve got the guts, anyway.”

Steve pulled Tony into a kiss, but it was far too gentle for Tony’s taste.

“Not glass, Alpha,” he reminded.

“I know.”

“Ya sure?” Tony asked, leaning back, “cause I’m pretty sure you aren’t drawing here, get messy with it.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

“Why not?” Tony asked.

“Because.”

Tony stuck out his tongue, “ew.”

Steve laughed lightly. “Adorable.”

“Fuck yourself.”

“I’m good.”

“Ugh. Then fuck me.”

“Make me.”

Tony smirked, “alright, _ Alpha,  _ I will.”

“Can’t wait.”

Tony’s lips pinched, so this wasn’t gonna be as easy as he thought, “couch. Now.”

“You don’t boss me around, Stark,” Steve told him, leaning against the counter, his posture the very definition of dominance.

Tony titled his jaw forward definitely. “I said to get on the couch. Now.”

Steve smirked. “No,” he said slowly and clearly.

Tony snapped the hand towel from the oven, curling it calmly and snapping Steve’s chest with it, “yes.”

Steve grabbed the towel and pulled Tony to him sharply. “No.”

Tony smirked, “and why not _, Alpha?_ Am I not good enough for you?”

“No, you just don’t get to boss me around, Stark,” Steve said calmly. “Maybe if you asked nicely, I’d consider it.”

“Well too bad. Ass on the couch now.”

“I’m not going no matter how many times you tell me to.”

“I dunno,” Tony said, trailing a hand up Steve’s chest, “I can be pretty convincing.”

“Oh, am I just not worth those powers of persuasion then?” Steve asked innocently.

“Nope,” Tony replied, pulling away to start walking away. “Maybe I should save time and go to a club.”

Steve grabbed Tony’s arm and pulled him back. “ _ Hell. No. _ ”

“Mh, not your choice.”

“I don’t have to let go.”

“So?” Tony said, summoning his armor… around Steve’s arm, slipping the bracelet on him. “J, back him off.”

“Need your toys to get away, Stark?” Steve asked cheekily.

“Hmh,” Tony said, leaning in really close, lips almost brushing Steve’s, “but toys are so much fun.”

Steve wrapped his free arm around Tony’s waist and closed the minuscule gap between them. Before he could kiss him, however, he found Tony’s hand on his lips.

“Yes, Captain?” He asked innocently.

“I think you know,  _ Omega.” _

His cheek stung before he registered Tony’s other hand moving, “don’t call me that.”

“You call me Alpha. I was just returning the favor,” Steve said incredulously.

“Ah, but the implications are completely different,” Tony said, tone flat.

“I didn’t mean it in a condescending way though,” Steve pointed out.

“And?” Tony asked, “everything about it is condescending.”

“Maybe to you.”

“Mhph.”

“I’m serious, how is being Omega such a bad thing? I thought everyone was equal now, that’s what I was told anyway.”

“And it’s a load of shit,” Tony said like talking to a kid.

“How am I supposed to know that?” Steve asked, looking so lost.

Tony sighed, “well know you know. Alpha’s are privileged to hell and the rest of us… aren’t.”

“...You’re a billionaire.”

“But it doesn’t matter because I’m Omega,” Tony said simply, heading to the couch.

Steve followed him, looking very confused. “Why not?”

Tony sighed, “because Omegas are ‘lesser’. You’re all that and more, Omegas are the baby factories.”

“But, you’ve accomplished so much, if your status as an Omega is all that detrimental, shouldn’t that be, I dunno, impossible?”

“Yeah, but my dad was Alpha and smart.”

“What about Iron Man? That has nothing to do with anything Howard has done, right?”

“No, and of course they’re gonna support Iron Man, otherwise they’d have to accept me not doing anything, and then they’d all die.”

“...Oh.”

“Yep. Moving on. Couch.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so. And you’re gonna listen.”

“Why should I?”

“Because. I. Said. So.”

“So pushy.”

“Couch.”

“Fine,” Steve said, going and sitting on the couch.

Tony smirked, straddling his legs and shoving the Alpha’s back against the back of the couch.

“Is that all you’ve got?”

“Oh trust me, it’s not,” Tony promised.

“I would certainly hope so given your track record.”

Tony smirked, rolling his hips against Steve’s lightly. “As would I, spangles.”

Steve gripped Tony’s hips. “Good to know, Shellhead.”

Tony grabbed Steve’s hands, pinning them to the couch, “don’t touch,“ he said smugly.

“Why not?”

“Because I said so. So listen closely. I’m in charge, Alpha. You listen to me.”

“Oh, since when were you in charge?”

“Since I declared it, so suck it.”

“Alright, Tony,” Steve said with a light laugh.

Tony raised his eyebrow, but kissed Steve’s shoulder lightly through the fabric of his shirt.

“So do you actually have a plan for this?” Steve asked casually. “Or are you winging it?”

“Does it matter?” Tony replied, biting Steve’s neck just barely enough for him to feel it.

“Nah, I’m just curious.”

“Blind sheep it,” Tony said flatly, biting Steve’s jaw sharply.

Steve gasped slightly. “Alright, I’ll play along.”

Tony smirked, kissing Steve’s jaw lightly to his cheek, pressing a kiss to the left of the Alpha’s lips.

“Is that all I’m going to get?” Steve asked.

“For now.”

“You know, I could just take what I want,” Steve pointed out.

“Sure. See where that’ll get you,” Tony said sarcastically.

“I could,” Steve said seriously.

Tony rolled his eyes, biting his collarbone hard.

Steve moaned as he tilted his head back.

Tony smirked, shifting his hips slowly as he bit the Alpha.

“Fuck, Tony.”

“Yes, and?” Tony asked, sucking on his neck.

“You’re bad for my health.”

“Your point?” Tony asked sweetly.

“You’re making it very difficult for me to let you be in charge,” Steve growled.

“Good,” Tony replied, tugging his shirt off slowly.

Steve smirked. “Oh? Do you want me to take control?”

“Nope,” Tony said smugly. “I just wanna make you suffer.”

“Good luck with that.”

Tony smirked, nipping his bottom lip, tugging on it. It took all of Steve’s willpower no to immediately take over the almost kiss. Tony smirked like he knew exactly what was going through the Alpha’s mind, kissing him fiercely. Steve kissed back, but once again forced himself to not take over. “Good boy,” Tony said mockingly, patting his cheek.

Steve growled lowly in response.

Tony smirked, kissing his cheek.

“Is teasing all you know how to do, Stark?” Steve asked in a voice sex gods would be envious of. 

“Of course not. But this is fun as fuck,” Tony said, slipping his hands under Steve’s shirt.

“Of course,” Steve said with a smirk.

“And after all, aren’t you all about patience?” Tony asked innocently.

“Right,” Steve said carefully.

“So be patient,” Tony replied smugly, nipping the Alpha’s earlobe.

“Do you have any idea how much I want to kiss you senseless?” Steve asked.

“Do you know that it’s not gonna happen?”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so.”

“Oh? Who died and made you king of anything?”

“I made myself king, so shut it, Alpha.”

“Maybe I don’t want to shut it.”

“Too bad. I’ll gag you,” Tony threatened.

“I’d rather gag you.”

“Mhm, too bad.”

“Maybe next time, then?” Steve asked with mock innocence.

“Nope,” Tony replied, slipping the other man’s shirt off.

“Well, if I’m in charge next time, do you really get a say in the matter?”

“Yesish.”

“Ish?”

“Consent, Captain, is key.”

“That’s a given, Stark,” Steve told him with an eye roll.

“Just clarifying,” Tony said with a shrug, pressing kisses to Steve’s chest.

“Sure,” Steve said with a laugh.

Tony bit his chest hard, cutting off the laugh.

Steve moaned, his head falling back onto the couch. He felt Tony smirk as he kept biting him, trailing up to his neck.

“Fuck, do you have any idea what you do to me?” Steve gasped out.

“Currently, bite you.”

“Sure,” Steve breathed, “if you want to scratch the surface.”

“On honey,” Tony said with mock sympathy, one hand tangling in Steve’s hair, “I plan on it.”

“So you admit you have a plan?”

“Who said it was complete?”

“Half a plan is still half a plan.” 

“Sure,” Tony relied, tugging on Steve’s hair.

Steve groaned, “is it your goal to kill me? Because if so, keep this up.”

“Mhm,” Tony said simply, tugging his belt out of its loops, smirking as he grabbed Steve’s hands.

Steve raised an eyebrow at him. “What are you up to?”

“This,” Tony replied with a smirk, binding the Alpha’s hands together in a way that made it so he couldn’t move them apart or wiggle them at all, “just so you don’t have to keep grabbing the couch.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t want me to touch you,” Steve said cheekily.

“Oh gee, how’d you figure?” Tony asked sarcastically.

“I don’t know, call it a hunch.”

“Mhm, maybe the gag would be good,” Tony said, climbing off Steve’s lap.

“Maybe you should stop stalling.”

“Ball or spider though?” Tony said like the Alpha hadn’t spoken.

“Oh, you have them?” Steve asked, “does this happen often? Am I not special enough to be the only one?”

Tony smirked down at him, “not yet.”

“Yet? Isn’t that a bit optimistic for you?”

“I’ve got my moments,” Tony said, casually walking away to the door. “Hey, J, lock this door after I leave, kay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Wouldn’t want anyone seeing Cap like this.”

“Oh of course not!” Steve called sarcastically.

Tony smirked over his shoulder before the door closed.

Steve leaned back, figuring he might as well get comfortable. This might take a while, knowing Tony, it was almost a certainty. “JARVIS, which way is Tony going?” He asked after a few minutes.

“He seems to be headed for his lab, Captain.”

“Damn it,” Steve swore, trying to wiggle his hands out of the belt, but to no avail. He was stuck. Shit. “JARVIS, could you tell Tony to send my regards to hell?”

“Yes, Captain,” JARVIS replied calmly, and after a moment, he added, “Mr. Stark says he’ll be back up in a few minutes.”

“Sure he will,” Steve said sarcastically. Although it was just a couple of minutes later that the door opened. “Oh, good. You’re back.”

“Duh. Said I’d be,” Tony replied with an eye roll, holding a tote bag by his side.

“What the hell do you have that requires that big of a bag?”

“Extras,” Tony said vaguely, straddling his hips again.

“Oh?”

“Patience, Alpha,” Tony said, kissing him deeply.

Steve chuckled as he kissed back.

“So, spider, ball, wrap?”

“I have no idea what any of those words mean in this context, Tony.”

“Gags,” Tony said simply.

“Still lost.”

Tony smirked, “that’s alright, sweetie.”

“Oh?”

“We can try them out.”

“Kinky.”

“That’s kinda the point,” Tony said.

“Can’t wait,” Steve said dryly.

Tony kissed his cheek, “I think wrap would be best for now.”

“Care to explain what that is exactly?”

“It’s a gag that you think of when you think kidnappers,” Tony said jokingly, “It’s ties behind your head.”

“Don’t all gags tie behind your head?”

Tony shrugs, “not all of ‘em.”

“No?”

“Nope. Kinky shit’s come a long way, Capsicle.”

“Shame I can’t use it on you. I think you could afford to shut up every now and then.”

“Don’t know if that’s kink shaming or just hot,” Tony remarked.

“Maybe a bit of both?” Steve offered.

“True,” Tony said, kissing Steve’s neck just below his ear.

Steve tilted his head to side to give Tony better access. “Yeah.”

Tony smirked, nipping at the skin there. “Did you know this is one of the most sensitive areas, Alpha?”

“I do now.”

“Mhm,” Tony sounded, biting just behind Steve’s ear hard, intent on giving him a hickey. Try hiding that one. And he may or may not have thoroughly enjoyed Steve’s resulting moan. He smirked, repeating the motion harder, hand dipping into the bag for the thin leather gag.

“Wha- uh- what are you grabbing?” Steve asked breathlessly.

“The gag,” Tony replied casually.

“O-oh,” Steve said like he was just realizing Tony was serious about the gag.

Tony smirked, pressing an almost chaste kiss to the Alpha’s lips. Steve was damn near ready to turn the tables on this guy, but he held back. Tony broke the kiss softly, “you okay with this?”

“Eh, why not?” Steve said with a shrug.

“Alright, if you’re sure,” Tony said, checking one last time.

“I am.”

“Okay,” Tony said, carefully slipping the gag into Steve’s mouth, tying it pretty loosely. He could practically feel Steve’s hesitancy about this, even if the Alpha refused to admit it. He kissed his cheek, “still okay?”

Steve shrugged in response, probably trying to convey nonchalance.

“Steve,” Tony said, raising an eyebrow. “Are. You. Okay?”

Steve looked down for a moment before timidly shaking his head.

“It’s alright,” Tony said, taking the gag off quickly. “Okay? You don’t have to be okay with it.”

Steve nodded, “okay.”

Tony kissed him softly, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck. Steve kissed back happily.

“You can touch now,” Tony said dubiously, glancing down at the man’s still bound hands.

Steve smirked and lifted his arms over Tony’s head, where they settled around his waist.

"At least you got that figured out.”

“I have my moments.”

“Mhm, that much is true,” Tony said, ducking his head to nip the Alpha’s collarbone. Steve nibbled on his ear in response. Tony chuckled, shaking his head.

“What’s so funny?”

“Just the fact that that’s the best you can do.”

“I’m just getting started.”

“Sure you are,” Tony said cheekily, rolling his hips again, “cause that seems to be all you can do, get started.”

Steve smirked, “I've just never gotten the chance to finish.”

“Then finish it now,” Tony said. Damn near ordered.

“Gladly,” Steve said, kissing Tony roughly as he rolled his hips.

Tony let out a moan, pressing close to the Alpha.

Steve smirked and pulled Tony even closer.

“Just fuck me already,” Tony growled.

“Then take off the rest of your clothes,” Steve replied.

“Make me.”

“I can’t fuck you with your pants on, Tony.”

“Sure,” Tony sighed dramatically, standing up to slip his pants off, Steve’s arms still around him.

Steve chuckled slightly, but then realized he needed to figure out how to get his own pants off. Goddammit.

Tony seemed to have followed that thought in his own mind and untied the belt, dropping it carelessly to the floor.

Steve smirked as he pulled the last few articles of clothing off, fully intent on fucking Tony senseless.

“Little excited there, Alpha?” Tony said cheekily.

“You told me to fuck you, I’m just following through.”

“Then get to it,” Tony ordered, sitting back on his lap.

“You don't need to tell me twice.”


	7. Flying High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Guess it's true I'm not good at a one night stand. I don't want you to leave, won't you hold my hand?  
> Darling, stay with me."  
> -Sam Smith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey humans, here's the next chapter. Let me know if you enjoyed it!

Lila laughed, leaning against the boy next to her when her phone rang obnoxiously. “Ew,” she said before looking at the screen, “shit, sorry Jace, I’ve gotta answer this.”

“Who is it?” Jace asked, “your side ho?”

Lila laughed, “nah, just the old man,” she said, walking to a slightly more quiet place, answering the phone, “sup, punk?”

“What’s this I hear about you getting stoned?” Clint asked dully.

Well shit, she wasn’t telling those two anything ever again, “nothing, Dad. Just the itties making up crap.”

“Bullshit.”

“What makes you say that?” Lila asked, leaning against a tree.

“Because you're clearly at least a little high right now.”

“I am not!” Lila exclaimed. She was a lot more than a little, and she could fake this. “we don’t even have weed out here.”

“Lila, I’m a spy, you maybe be able to fool your other Dad, but you can't fool me.”

“I- Dad, who put you up to this?” Lila asked dubiously.

“No one ‘put me up to this’ I’m just trying to take some weight off of Lance’s shoulders, okay?”

“So he asked you to,” Lila summed up, folding her arms over her chest.

“No, I offered.”

“Oh, so now you care?” Lila asked, “who died?”

“No one died, Lila.”

“Then why are you calling and not taking down a country with Aunt Nat.”

“Because I'm on a different mission.”

“Oh?”

“Protective detail.”

“Fun. Who?”

“Kate.”

“That gives me nothing.”

“It gives you a name.”

“Last name?” Lila sighed.

“Volkova.”

“Oh my god. You’re protecting Katrina Volkova?!”

“Uhh, yeah?”

“That is so cool!” Lila exclaimed.

“Eh, she’s a dork- Hey! don’t hit me!”

“You deserve it. Don’t insult her, she’s a queen.”

“Don’t encourage her.”

“I am. Suck it.”

“She says hi, and thanks for calling her a queen,” Clint said with a sigh.

“Tell her there’s no need to thank me because it’s true,” Lila said, smirking at the fact she derailed this conversation so fast.

“Will do, but right now, you’re still fucking high.”

“No, I’m not fucking anyone right now,” Lila said cheekily.

_ “Lila.” _

_ “Yes?” _ Lila asked in the same tone.

“I am not in the mood for this.”

“You’re never in any mood you’re a spy, so you play the part, Dad.”

“Hey! I did not need that attack.”

“But you don’t deny it.”

“Well, you’re not entirely wrong there.”

“So I win, bye, Dad, love you.”

“If you hang up, I swear to god, I will take away your jeep via Lance.”

That’s okay, I have a boyfriend who drives,” Lila said with a shrug.

“There are other restrictions I can tack on.” 

“Right, grounding: I’ll sneak out, taking away my phone: don’t care, babysitting duty: don’t care, there’s a tv, etc, etc, etc,” Lila listed off.

“I’ll take away your twitter account.”

“Fine. I can make a new one or log in on my friend's phones.”

“Do you want to go to New York?”

“Huh?”

“Lance and I are planning a trip for you guys to come out to New York, would you like to go?”

“Damn you,” Lila grumbled, sighing. “What do you want?”

“For you to get someone who isn’t high or drunk to take you home.”

“But it’s fun here.”

“I don’t care.”

“Come on, Dad, no one here is drunk.”

“No, but everyone’s high.”

“Not everyone,” Lila said, looking back at the little cluster of teens, only a couple smoking at the moment, “we’re pretty much hanging out right now.”

“Then it shouldn’t be hard for you to find a ride home.”

“I can drive, Dad.”

“You’re high, you’re not driving.”

“I’m almost card carrying, so it’s not illegal.”

“Tough. I can always call the police and have them take you home.”

“ _ Dad _ .”

“ _ Lila.” _

_ “Come on!” _

“No.”

“You know. I'll be gone by the time they get here.”

“I’ll have them chase you down.”

“But then I’ll miss school,” Lila said deviously, “I’m not gonna go if I’m on the run.”

“Then I guess you can’t go to New York either.”

“Alright, I’ll chill at the house.”

“You better. And get a ride home.”

“But no one is gonna be leaving for a long time,” Lila said flatly, knowing her friends.

“Figure something out.”

Lila grinned, “Okay, I will.”

“As long as you adhere to the rules I just set down.”

“Mmh,” Lila thought deviously.

“I will be following through with this.”

“Sure you will. Cause I won’t have Kate steal your phone or anything.”

“Really? You think that’s going to stop me?”

“For now.”

“Nope, it won’t.”

“Damn.”

“I know.”

“We’re not doing anything illegal, so if you were to call the cops it’d be swept aside as a hoax,” Lila said deviously.

“I’ve got a few cops who owe me favors.”

“Then they’d be breaking then law and nothing would happen anyway.”

“They wouldn’t be breaking the law if they’re just making sure you get home safely.”

“I’d charge with harassment.”

“You have no ground to stand on.”

“Why not? It’s harassment.”

Clint sighed, “just go home, please.”

“But I’m just hanging with friends.”

“You’re high.”

“And card carrying- oh wait, I forgot, you didn’t know that cause you haven’t been here.”

“Oh, should I apologize for working?”

“No, just for not being here.”

“I visit as much as I can, Lils.”

I know,” Lila said, but she was seriously skeptical sounding.

“If I let you drive, will you go home?”

“Nope.”

“Lila!”

“Yes?”

“We’ve already had this discussion, go home.”

“It’s not like you can come make me.”

“Lila, please.”

He could hear the raised eyebrow, and she didn’t have to say anything.

“C’mon.”

“Why? It’s not like it’ll be any better at home. Nate’ll be the insane little bastard he always is, Connor will be whiny, and I won’t be able to do my homework.”

“You’re not getting homework done now, so what’s the problem?”

“Getting math done,” Lila replied.

“No, you’re getting high.”

“I do that anyway, and it’s the only way I can concentrate.”

“For fuck’s sake.”

“What? I’m getting homework done, and hanging out, get over it. I'm not dealing or shit.”

“If I find out that you get in any sort of trouble because of this, so help me god.”

Lila smirked, turning and yelling, “hey guys, break up the orgy! It’s public indecency!”

“Fuck you, Lila!” Jace called back.

“Later, kay!”

“Lila,” Clint said.

“Yeah, Dad?” Lila asked cheekily.

“Don’t make me regret this.”

“You will,” Lila said, hanging up and heading back to her seat, “ugh.”

“What’s up?” Jace asked.

“Ball and chain Dad.”

“Oh, that sucks.”

“Yeah. Anyway, where were we?” Lila asked coyly.

“Your side hoes.”

“Huh?” Lila asked.

“Who’s your side ho? Or hoes.”

Lila snorted, “nah. You’re the only one right now. Sorry.”

“Damn, I was hoping for the orgy you mentioned.”

Lila grinned, “oh, really?”

“Yep.”

“So why not do it?”

“I’m down,” Jace said with a laugh.

“Idiots,” Heather said with an eyeroll, tossing her book at them, “what happened to second hand smoke and math?”

“Effort,” Jace answered.

“Oh yeah,” Jacob snickered, “cause orgies aren’t effort at  _ all.” _

“It’s effort I’m willing to expend for. Math is not one of those things.”

“Then pass it over,” Heather said with an eyroll, holding out a hand.

“Fine,” Jace said, passing her book back.

“And your work so far,” Heather said.

Jace passed his papers over too.

“Gotta get this done,” Heather remarked slyly, “otherwise mom stops us from hanging, remember?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.”

“Too bad, bro.”

Jace just made an unintelligible noise in response.

“That’s a mood,” Lila said.

“I know.”

“So when’s the rally?” Heather asked distractedly as she did her brother’s homework, matching his handwriting to the T (every pun intended).

“Next week,” Lila answered.

“Already?” Jace asked, putting his arm around her shoulders. “Damn.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait.”

“I know, babe,” Jace said with a grin.

“Good, I’d be worried if you didn’t.”

“Me too.”

“Yep.”

“You two wanna get a room?” Jacob asked from his seat… which was currently on a log. Upside down.

“No,” Lila chirped.

“Whores.”

“Nah,” Jace said, “I'm a cam boy!”

“Jesus,” Heather muttered, shaking her head, “you’re just faking fuck boy, Jace,”

“And?”

“So you’re not a cam boy anymore than Lila’s an egirl.”

“Ouch, you wound me.”

“That didn’t take much,” Jacob commented dryly.

“I have a fragile ego, sue me.”

“Alright, Lila, you be my lawyer, kay?”

“You got it,” Lila said.

“I’m suing for emotional distress.”

“You’ve got a good case here. I’ll do it for eight thousand dollars, kay?”

“Damn, I was gonna go for a hundred, but you got me covered girl.”

“Always.”

“Hey, what about me?” Jace joked.

“You’re screwed,” Lila said seriously. “I’m going to crush you.”

“Heather, you're my lawyer now.”

“We’re gonna lose, but okay.”

“But you’re a girl, you can argue like there’s no tomorrow, I know you’ll win!”

“Yeah, but my opponent is  _ Lila.” _

“True. We’re gonna have to cheat.”

“Hey!” Jacob protested.

“What? I’m using my resources,” Jace said, pulling Lila close and kissing her.

“Jerk,” Heather muttered.

“So do I win?” Jace asked with a goofy grin when they broke apart.

“I dunno,” Lila said, “if you win, I lose.”

“But we both win here.”

“Oh?”

“Yep.”

“Well in that case, sure, why not?”

“Ha!” Jace yelled at Jacob.

“Dammit, Lila.”

“What?” Lila asked innocently.

“You could’ve torn them to shreds!”

“Meh.”

“Ugh!”

“Hehe.”

“I hate you all.”

“Can’t hate me anymore than I hate myself,” Lila said blandly.

“And yet, here we are.”

“Here we sit like frogs on a lily pad?” Jace offered.

“Sure,” Heather muttered.

Jace grinned stupidly as he started singing that damn song. “Here we sit like frogs on a lily pad! Frogs on a lily pad! Frogs on a lily pad!”

“Dumbass,” Lila muttered, shaking her head.

“Yep.”

“Why do I have to be related to you?” Heather asked with a sigh.

“Because mom’s a ho.”

“Really? That’s the best reason you can come up with?”

“It’s true.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“Effort.”

“Jerk.”

“Meh.”

“Why are you like this?” Jacob asked dully.

“Because the Weasleys curse us.”

“Sounds about right.”

”Wouldn’t have said if it didn’t.”

“Well duh.”

“So shush up.”

“Make me, bitch.”

“I will,” Jace promised.

“Sure you will.”

“I’ll beat your butt too, and I’m high, so it’ll be even more embarrassing.”

“For who? You or me?”

“You.”

“Now that’s not right, Heather, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“Ouch.”

“Bite me. I’m working, leave me outta this.”

“Ugh.”

“Ha.”

“Lila? Back me up here.”

“I dunno, I wanna see this cat fight.”

“Lila!”

“It’d be kinda hot,” Lila said with a shrug. “I guess.”

“Yep.”

“If you're that kinky.”

“Maybe you are.”

“Oh, I know I am. But what about you two?”

“I dunno, Jace probably is.”

“I am,” Jace confirmed with a shrug.

“Duh, you’re dating Lila,” Heather pointed out.

“True.”

“Yep,” Lila said, “I only date kinky motherfuckers.”

“Then what the hell were you doing with innocent little Kade?”

“Having fun.”

“Oh?” Jace asked.

“Yep, he’s hilarious.”

“More so than me?” Jace asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Do you want me to answer honestly or spare your ego?”

“Ouch. Honesty, always.”

“He's funnier.”

“Guess I have to try harder then.”

“Guess so.”

Jacob smirked, shifting and sitting up. “Wait, Jace is funny?”

“Jackass!” Jace said.

“My ass is fine, thank you. Yours is pretty great too.”

“Gaaaayyy,” Lila sang.

“Yes I am. Very.”

“Good, I’ve always wanted a gay friend.”

“I’ve been gay for a while, Lil, get over it. You have a gay friend.”

“I know.”

“So let me be a queer mo fo in peace.”

“No.”

“Bite me.”

“Ew.”

“Talking to Jace, hun,” Jacob said with a smirk.

“Hi,” Jace said with a wave.

“Sup,” Jacob said, returning the wave.

“The sky.”

“The moon,” Heather piped up.

“The sun.”

“The stars,” Lila said.

“You guys are ridiculous,” Jacob muttered.

“We know.”

“Good.”

“Nmeh,” Heather commented, moving on to Lila’s homework.

“Was that sound even human?” Lila asked.

“Nope. Cause I’m a goddess in disguise,” Heather said flatly,

“Which are you.” Lila asked. “Hera? Hestia? Are there other goddesses whose names start with H?”

“Dolos.”

“But that starts with a D.”

“So?”

“So it ruins the aesthetic.”

“Middle name.”

“Oh, right.”

“So I win.”

“She could be a transgender Hades,” Jace pointed out.

“I am down with that!” Heather exclaimed.

“It’s official,” Jace declared, “Heather is Hades.”

“It makes sense, have you seen her go ninja?” Jacob mused.

“Yeah, it’s terrifying.”

“It really is,” Lila said.

“I am the night,” Heather quoted.

“Thank you, Darkwing Duck,” Jacob said flatly.

“You’re welcome.”

Jace snickered,” All in favor of darkwing nickname, say aye!”

“Aye!”

“Aye!”

“Aye!”

“Nay,” Heather stated.

“You’ve been outvoted,” Jace told her.

“Damn it,” Heather grumbled.

“You’ll live, Darkwing,” Lila piped up.

“Unless I don’t.”

“Then the nickname will go on your grave.”

“Ugh!!”

“Love ya, sis!” Jace called.

“No you don’t, otherwise you’d do your own damn homework.”

“Ouch, low blow.”

“But true,”

“I know.”

“So shut it, butch.”

“But I don’t wanna.”

Heather stuck her tongue out at him.

Jace responded by maturely blowing a raspberry at her.

“Idiot.”

“Yes, and?”

“Go kiss Jacob or something,” Heather grumbled.

“Fine,” Jace said, getting up, stomping over to Jacob and kissing him.

Heather rolled her eyes as Jacob kissed back enthusiastically. Much to Lila’s sudden interest.

“Damn, you two are really hot,” Lila commented.

“Why?” Heather muttered.

“How can you even ask?” Lila asked, gesturing to the two, and Jace had his hands under Jacob’s shirt.

“That. Is my brother.”

“Eh, yeah, guess I can see the line now.”

“No shit.”

“Sorry not sorry.”

“Of course you’re not,” Heather muttered.

“Come on guys, break it up,” Lila said with a sigh.

“Fine,” Jacob said, pulling away from Jace.

“Not yet,” Jace said, kissing him one last time before pulling away.

“This is why I’m gay for you.”

“Aww, thanks,” Jace said cheekily, going back to sit by Lila.

“You’re welcome.”

“Did we put on a good show for you?” Jace asked, kissing Lila’s cheek.

“Yes, as always,” Lila replied.

“As always?” Heather asked, sounding mildly surprised, “you two got together like, two weeks ago…”

“Yeah, and during those two weeks, they’ve been very good,” Lila replied.

“That’s a new kink level,” Heather remarked as she grabbed Jacob’s homework with an eyeroll.

“And?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Heather commented dryly.

Lila smirked in response.

“Just wondering why and how I’m still single when you have two guys at beck and call.”

“You’re overqualified.”

“Nfph.”

“Do you want us to set you up with someone?” Jacob asked.

“I don’t know,” Heather said hesitantly, giving them a pointed look.

“Just name the guy or girl,” Lila told her.

“But do I want to give you guys that freedom?”

“Yes,” Jace said seriously.

“Alright,” Heather said, “but no joking ones. Or creeps.”

“Deal,” Lila said.

“Alright.”

“Any requests?”

“Hot and not jackass?”

“Anyone you’d prefer?” Jacob pressed.

“Someone not dumb and jackassy,” Heather replied as her phone started beeping and she sighed, “gotta get to work guys.”

“Okay, bye,” Jace said.

“Peace. Can you give dumbass a ride home, Lila?” Heather asked as she gathered her things.

“Yeah,” Lila replied.

“Kay,” Heather said, heading off in the general direction of her dinky old car.

“Bye!” Jacob called, “we won’t miss you!”

He received a not so nice salute over her shoulder for it. He had no regrets.

“So,” Jace said, leaning forward, “what now?”

Jacob gave him a look. “I have a few ideas.”

“Oh?” Jace asked, smirking openly.

“Yeah, c’mere. I believe we were interrupted earlier.”

Jace looked at Lila as if asking permission.

“Do it,” she said with a smirk of her own.

Jace saluted, strutting over, hauling Jacob to his feet by his shirt, kissing him in a way that should be illegal in… well, everywhere. Jacob let out a low whine as he kissed back. “Anything else you wanna see?” Jace asked breathlessly when they broke apart for air.

“You two shirtless wouldn’t receive complaints from me,” Lila replied, her mouth drier than the Sahara.

Jace smirked knowingly at her, hands slipping under Jacob’s shirt, “you okay with that, Jace?”

“Yeah,” Jacob replied breathlessly, his hands gripping Jace’s biceps.

Jace kissed him again, softly, as he slipped the teen’s shirt up, breaking away to get it over his head.

Jacob started tugging at Jace’s shirt almost on instinct.

Jace chuckled, helping Jacob pull his shirt over his head, “eager, there?”

“I blame you.”

“I’m okay with that,” Jace said, pressing kisses to Jacob’s jawline, making a show of it, knowing Lila was watching every move. Jacob groaned, pressing himself against Jace.

“Like what you see, my Alpha?” Jace asked with a smirk, eyes golden-green tinted.

“Very much so,” Lila replied lowly.

Jacob whined at her tone, grabbing Jace’s neck, kissing him needily.

“Such a good Omega,” Jace told him, moving down to his neck.

Jacob whined again, grabbing Jace’s belt loops to pull him closer. His eyes gaining a gold sheen.

Lila shifted closer, eyes on the pair of them.

Jace eventually moved back up to kiss Jacob hungrily.

“You two are fucking beautiful,” Lila breathed.

Jacob moaned loudly at her words.

Jace glanced over, gleaming and mischievous as he slid down to kneel, biting just above Jacob’s belly button.

Jacob groaned, throwing his head back with abandon.

Lila growled as Jace smirked, kissing just a little lower, obviously teasing the Omega.

“Fuck you,” Jacob breathed.i

“I plan on it,” Jace replied smoothly. “But maybe the other way around?”

“Damn you.”

“Mhm,” Jace sounded, nipping at the Omega’s stomach, “maybe later, kay?”

“Just don’t stop now.”

“Didn’t plan on it,” Jace replied, tugging the Omega’s belt off.

“Need you now,” Jacob whined, his eyes almost completely gold.

“Alright,” Jace purred, tugging Jacob’s pants and boxers off, kissing back up his body to his lips.

“You guys are so fucking gorgeous,” Lila told them.

“Why not come here then?” Jace asked slyly, beckoning her over.

“Gladly,” she replied, scooting over and kissing Jace deeply.

Jace moaned into the kiss, hands going to her hair. 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Steve couldn’t quite figure out where he stood with Tony at this point. They had had sex, but where did that leave them now? What did that mean in the twenty-first century. Did it mean anything? He bit his bruised lip, worrying it himself. What was he supposed to say? Should he say anything. Was he supposed to pretend nothing had happened? He was so lost. Damn this century! Damn it and all it stands for. Why can’t things go back to making sense? He glanced at Tony, whose head was on the other end of the couch, the Omega’s eyes half closed. He looked gorgeous like this. And it wasn’t just because he had some very noticeable bite marks on his chest and neck, though that was definitely a plus, knowing he did that. That aside, how could he be so damn calm about this? What was his secret- well, besides fucking and being fucked by anything that moved. He just wanted an easy way out of the mess he had found himself in. He saw Tony shift, and pull the blanket off the back of the couch, wrapping it around himself. The billionaire had no right looking as cute as he did. “Damn,” Tony mumbled quietly, “that was great.”

“Uh, yeah,” Steve agreed, his face heating up a little.

Tony glanced at him, a smirk forming on his lips, “and yet, you still blush. So cute, Cap.”

“Cut me some slack,” Steve complained, “it’s not like I do this often. Unlike you.”

“Mhm,” Tony sounded nonchalantly, shifting to lean against Steve’s chest. “Damn, you’re warm.”

“So I've been told,” Steve said with a laugh. 

Tony snuggled closer, “don’t think it’s a thing to do this, though.”

“No?”

“Not for me.  _ Cuddling. _ Ew.”

Steve thought for a minute. “What’s wrong with cuddling?”

“Ugh. The whole thing.”

“Why? Cuddles are great.”

“But after fucking?”

“That might be the best time to do it if you ask me,” Steve said with a shrug.

“Meh.”

“Is that just your way of saying “I don't agree with you, but I’m not going to argue about it’?”

“Yes. Too much effort.”

Steve chuckled, “I’ll take it.”

“Better,” Tony mumbled, laying his head on Steve’s chest, tossing an arm over the other man’s stomach. Steve’s eyes trailed over the planes of Tony’s face, his breath catching in his throat when he realized Tony had  _ freckles.  _ Since when was that a thing?

“You- you have freckles,” Steve murmured.

“And?” Tony asked sleepily. “Most people do.”

“I didn’t realize you did.”

“Well good for you,” Tony said, sounding sarcastic somehow, “now shut up and sleep.”

“How is it possible for you to be so adorable?”

Tony cracked an eye, looking at him in disgust, “it’s not because I’m not. Shut it.”

“Fine,” Steve muttered before a devious grin spread across his face. “After you admit you’re cute.”

“Fuck you.” Tony said flatly.

“Already did that.”

“Truth. But it wasn’t the best, I guess. Virgin best, maybe.”

“In order for that to be true, I’d have to have been a virgin.”

“Which you were. Totally sloppy.”

“No, it’s just been awhile.”

Tony sat part way up, one hand on Steve’s chest as he looked at him with a smirk, “it’s been seventy years, hasn’t it?” He asked gleefully.

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god!” Tony exclaimed, almost laughing, looking devious as hell.

“What?” Steve asked, not sure he wanted the answer.

“You’re the dirty old man that just found his sugar daddy!” Tony said, cracking up.

“Okay, first of all, sugar daddy? Second of all, I was frozen in ice! Not exactly a situation in which you can- oh, what did Nat call it- hook up? I think.”

Tony snorted, pulling the blanket over his head like it’d muffle it somehow.

“What’s so funny?”

“You are so fucking innocent- I just took Captain America’s virginity and innocence!” Tony yelled gleefully from under the blanket.

“Still not a virgin.”

“Well not anymore,” Tony said, peeking out from under the blanket with a dubious expression.

“I wasn’t a virgin when we met, Stark.”

“Suuuuuuuurrrrrreeee. What, did you have a thing with Bucky going on?”

“No.”

“Damn,” Tony remarked, propping himself up on his elbows, using Steve as a platform, damn near on top of him at this point.

“What?” Steve asked in confusion.

“That would’ve been great. I totally shipped it.”

“Shipped?”

Tony smirked, “nothing, just young people jargon, old man.”

“Yeah, okay,” Steve said, shaking his head at the ceiling.

Tony smirked, surprising Steve by kissing his chest in a lazy way.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, his eyebrows drawing together.

“Mhm?” Tony sounded, kissing a little higher.

“What are you doing?” Steve repeated.

“Kisses,” Tony replied, nipping at his chest.

“Why?”

Tony shrugged, watching Steve as he bit him with different pressures, as if seeing which got to him the most.

“Do you want me to pin you against the wall?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow. “Because that’s where you’re headed.”

Tony bit him hard in response, eyes gleaming.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Steve said, and in what felt like an instant, Tony was off the couch and against the wall.

“Fuck, old man,” Tony taunted, breath catching in his throat, “didn’t know you could move that fast without throwing a hip.”

Steve chuckled lowly. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know, Stark.”

“Oh?” Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Steve said matter-of-factly, smirk in place.

“I can think of a few things you don’t know of too,” Tony said smugly.

“That’s not a difficult feat.”

“Truth there, old man,” Tony taunted.

“Agreeing with me doesn’t mean you made a point.”

“Meh.”

Steve pulled away, his hands leaving behind quickly fading marks on Tony’s arms.

“What? Past your nap time?”

“More like I’m done playing your game.” God, that should not be sexy.

“How do you even know what the game is when you’re so senile _ , Alpha?” _

“That literally makes no sense. I’m not crazy.”

“You sure ‘bout that?” Tony asked. “I mean, just look at your track record with the remote.”

“Just because I don’t get modern technology doesn’t mean I’m crazy.”

“Meh. If you say so.”

“Why are you like this?”

“Cause I’m a fucked up piece of shit,” Tony replied casually, grabbing his fallen blanket and wrapping it around him, only to spot Steve’s shirt and ditch the blanket for that, drowning a little in the fabric.

“What?” Steve asked, his expression unreadable. “Why would you say that?”

“Why wouldn’t I when it’s true?” Tony shot back.

“But it’s not.”

“But it is.”

“Why? Why is it true? What makes you think that?” Steve demanded.

“My life,” Tony said as if it were obvious.

“That’s it? That’s the only thing you can come up with?”

“What, so you want an alphabetical list? Or maybe chronological?”

“I  _ want _ a more specific reason so I can prove to you that you’re not just a piece of shit.”

“Exactly, want,” Tony said simply, plopping on the couch, grabbing the remote.

Steve walked over and sat next to him. “Yeah, exactly. I want to help you. I want to show you how capable you are.”

Tony put a finger in the air, twirling it, turning on the TV, keeping his eyes glued to the screen.

Steve was quiet for a long moment before softly admitting. “I actually admire you.”

There was a choking sound before Tony asked incredulously, “ _ what?!  _ Why?”

“You don’t take shit from anyone. It doesn’t matter who they are or if they’re in authority or anything. You tell them what you think anyway.”

“Cause people need a smack down, nothing more,” Tony dismissed.

“Yeah, but not everyone can give people a “smack down” when it needs to happen, or whatever.”

“Okay,” Tony said with a shrug that was too aloof.

“I dunno,” Steve muttered. “I just admire that about you. You don’t let people tell you what to do. You don’t blindly follow orders and all that.”

“Er, thank you?” Tony asked uncertainly.

“You’re welcome,” Steve said with a boyish grin.

“That’s cheating,” Tony informed him.

“What is?”

“That grin.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That stupid, goddamn gut melting smile,” Tony said simply, pointing at Steve’s face.

“Oh?”

“Twerp.”

“And?”

“You suck.”

“Actually, that would be you.”

“Meh.”

Steve chuckled softly in response.

“Dork.”

“You’re a bigger dork,” Steve told him with a smile.

“Sure.”

“You are.”

“Whatever.”

Steve laughed. “Do you ever not have a response to things?”

“Nope.”

“Well, then I guess I’ll have to find other ways to shut you up.”

Tony smirked, leaning in close to whisper, “what, like having me suck your dick until I can't think straight?”

Steve went bright red, “uhh, well- um-uhhh.” He stammered for an answer for the better part of a minute.

Tony snickered, “at least I can make you speechless, Alpha.”

Steve grabbed Tony’s arms pulling him in close. “I could always try kissing you senseless,” he muttered, having finally found his composure.

Tony smirked, “you sure about that, Alpha?”

“Yes,” Steve said without hesitation.

“Mhmh. Convince me.”

Steve kissed Tony softly, planning on taking his sweet time deepening it.

Tony rolled his eyes, grabbing the Alpha’s face to pull him closer, kissing him hard.

Steve pushed Tony onto his back, not breaking the kiss. He felt Tony smirk against his lips as the Omega’s arms wrapped around his neck. God, Tony was like a drug, only ten times more addicting, it was maddening, and it made it really hard to stay in control of himself. He growled lowly, grabbing Tony hair roughly to yank his head back, attaching his lips to his neck. Tony moaned in response to the rough treatment.

“Fuck, Tony,” Steve growled lowly between kisses.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Tony challenged breathlessly.

“Hell no,” Steve said, nipping the Omega’s collarbone. “But I like this.”

“Damn you.”

“Maybe later,” Steve said, pressing a kiss just behind the man’s ear.

Tony let out a sound that was embarrassingly similar to a whimper. God damn that Alpha.

Steve pulled back, eyes more red than blue, smirking widely, “You’re gonna make that sound again,” he promised.

“No,” Tony replied, his eyes flashing with defiance.

Steve pressed a kiss to his brow, “yes, you are.”

“Nope.”

Steve growled, biting the other man’s collarbone.

Tony bit back a groan, his hands finding their way to Steve’s hair, tugging sharply.

Steve groaned, “dangerous game, Tony.”

Tony grinned deviously. “That’s my favorite kind of game to play,  _ Alpha _ .” He pulled Steve’s hair again.

Steve growled lowly, biting the skin around his arc reactor with a smirk.

Tony moaned, his head falling back as he raked his nails down Steve’s back, no doubt leaving behind angry red marks.

He felt Steve smirk, biting back the groan as he pressed a kiss to the innermost skin by the reactor.

Tony gasped at the sensation, his back arching off the couch.

Steve smirked, one of his hands sliding under his back, pulling his stomach against his own as he bit the same place lightly.

“Fuck,” Tony said around a moan.

“Damn, Tony,” Steve breathed, tongue darting out to lick the sensitive area.

“Damn you to hell,” Tony replied.

Steve nipped the skin sharply, “Watch your mouth, Stark,” he growled lowly.

“Make me,” Tony shot back, “ _ Captain. _ ”

Steve shuddered against him, keeping eye contact as he bit down hard.

Tony moaned loudly, hands clutching at Steve’s skin in an effort to ground himself.

Steve smirked, grabbing his hands and shoved them down, pinning them above his head, “no touching, Stark, until I say so.”

“And why should I listen to you?” Tony asked defiantly.

“If you don’t I won’t fuck you like you want so bad.”

“I could find someone else to fuck me, Rogers,” Tony replied nonchalantly.

Steve growled possessively, eyes going full red, “ _ no.” _

Tony blinked. “Did you- did you just use your Alpha voice on me?” He asked incredulously. That had been unexpected.

Steve didn’t even look apologetic, “and if I did?” He purred huskily.

“...Why?” Tony asked, his mind racing as he fought against his instincts and tried to figure out what the hell had just happened.

“Because I needed you to pay attention,” Steve said simply, nipping his chest again.

Tony let out a small moan. “Well, it worked.”

Steve smirked, “I got that, Anthony.”

Tony shivered. “God, no one’s called me that in… well it’s been a long time.”

“I called you that this morning,” Steve said smugly.

“Oh… right. My point still stands.”

“I get it,” Steve said with mock sympathy, “you were distracted.”

“Fuck you,” Tony said shortly.

“I thought this was the other way around,” Steve stated dryly, pressing a kiss just beneath Tony's ribs.

“You know what I meant.”

“Did I?” Steve asked innocently.

“Hell yes,” Tony growled, pulling Steve into a heated kiss.

Steve smirked against his lips, taking control of the kiss easily. Not that Tony was trying too hard this time, but no one needed to know that.


	8. Dreaded Phone Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Insanity runs in the family, it practically gallops."  
> -Cary Grant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry it's a few days late, but it's been crazy lately and I just got the chance to upload. As always comments and kudos are appreciated. I really wanna know what you guys think of this.

Lance always dreaded the following conversation when the landline rang. That was never a good sign. Last time, Lila had gotten into yet another fight at school. “Yeah?” He asked, setting the bowl of brownie batter down.

“Hey, Lance.” Goddammit, it was the police chief.

“What has she done this time?” Lance sighed, gesturing for the boys to be quiet.

“She and two of her ‘friends’ were arrested for public indecency.”

“Ah Jesus, I’m sorry. When can I come down?”

“An hour tops, but I can keep her here overnight if you’d rather,” the chief replied, a bit of a smirk in his voice.

Damn it. That was tempting, “I’ll pay for her dinner then.”

“It’d certainly be appreciated.”

“Thanks, Randy,” Lance said, really tempted to bash the handheld into his forehead. That girl was going to be the death of him.

“At the very least, you don’t have to worry about her record. It’s just Alpha harem stuff. You know how it goes.”

“Sadly, yeah,” Lance said with a wince.

“You know,” Randy said conversationally. Oh no, that was never good. “She reminds me of you when you were younger.”

“Ah,” Lance said with another wince, smacking Connor’s hand as he tried to stick his hand in the bowl of batter. “Yeah.”

“Yep, she’s got everyone wrapped around her finger.”

“God, I know that one for a fact.”

“Anyway, how are your other kids? Not too much trouble I hope.”

“Connor’s fine, but Nate dislocated a lot in his hand today. Got back from the hospital just a little bit ago, actually.”

“It’s just one thing after another for you today, isn’t it?”

“Little bit.”

“Well, in that case, feel free to pick Lila up in the morning. Or I can just drop her off if you’d rather.”

“Dropping her off would be better honestly. You know how Saturdays go around here.”

“Yeah, I do. I’ll just forge your signature. Lord knows I’ve got enough copies of it to do it.”

Lance snorted, “yeah. Thanks, Randy.”

“Anytime, Lance.”

“I gotta go,” Lance said, catching sight of Nate almost knocking the bowl off the counter as he tried to mix it with his opposite hand, “sorry.”

“It’s fine, I’ll talk to you later.”

“See ya,” Lance said before hanging up, slumping against the wall for a second.

“You okay, Dad?” Connor asked.

Lance smiled down at the seven year old, “Yeah, just a little tired is all, Connor.”

“What did Lila do this time?” Nate asked.

“Got arrested.”

“Why?”

“She wasn’t wearing clothes, or many clothes, which is illegal.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Now, brownies after I text dad, kay?”

“Okay!” Connor said excitedly.

Lance let out a laugh, grabbing his phone off the counter,  _ Lila arrested. _

**What?** Clint replied.

_ Lila got arrested. Public indecency. _

**No kidding? Who’d she bang?**

_ Couple friends, I think. _

**Huh, since when was she poly?**

_ Not poly. Young Alpha thing. She’ll grow out of it, don't worry. Thought I talked to you about this. _

**Uh no. I have fucking clue what you’re going on about babe.**

_ Nvm. Didn’t tell you. _

**Well what the hell is it?**

_ Just a harem type phase. 16-18 ish. _

**Harem phase?**

_ Poly relations. _

**So did you go through this ‘harem phase’?**

Damn it. Shut up, Barton  _ maybe... Got it light. _

**How many?**

Lance sighed, shaking his head as he slipped his phone back into his pocket, “alright, guys, brownies.” He ignored the near constant buzzing of his phone as he put the batter in a pan and slipped it into the oven. “Why don’t you go watch a show while these bake?” He asked the two kids, ruffling their hair fondly.

“Okay,” Connor said excitedly as he got down from the stool and ran into the living room.

“Ugh, Dad! Don’t touch my hair!” Nate protested as he headed for the living room, trying to fix his hair with one hand.

Lance shook his head fondly as he finally pulled his phone back out. He was met with so many damn text messages from Clint as he steadily counted higher and higher, he was now in the mid-thirties. This can’t be good.

_ FOUR  _ he sent to get it to stop.

**Kinky.**

_ Shut up.  _

**Fine, fine, serious question. It’s actually been bugging me while you’ve been ignoring me. Is the harem thing more like a threesome, or is just like, a sharing thing?**

Lance groaned  _ probably more. Sharing, I guess. _

**So were you strictly into omegas, or were betas and alphas allowed too?**

Lance sighed  _ I had an omega beta, beta omega and an omega alpha _

**What was the last one, you said you had four.**

_ Sorry, forgot the comma one beta and one omega. _

**Ohhhhhhh you really got around. And I'm calling bullshit on you getting hit light with this shit**

Lance winced  _ it wasn’t getting around if it was at the same time, Clint. _

**So they were getting around you?**

_ Not what it is. _

Clint didn’t reply for a minute, and Lance thought he was home free, then his phone went off.  **Is it possible to have that whole harem shtick later in life? Kinda like an echo?**

_ Why do you ask? _

**Curiosity**

_ I guess you wouldn’t really grow out of it in that case. But yeah, there are still Alpha harems. _

**Great, in that case, if some hot French Alpha asks me to be in his harem, I’m leaving you.**

_ French? _

**Yep, I’m in Paris.**

_ Asshole! _

**Hey! It’s for a mission!**

**But, like, in your face.**

_ Ass.hole _

**Love you.**

_ You just said you’d leave me for a frenchman. _

**Well duh, it’s France.**

_ Brat. _

**Oh please, you and I both know you’d give anything for a Paris love story**

_ Anything but you _ Lance typed with a smug grin.

**Oh? So We're starting up the Lance harem again? I’ll find some sluts for you. Oh wait! Here’s one! His name is Clint, do you have room for him?**

_ Meh. If I shift around… nope, sorry. No room in the inn. _

**Fine, he’ll go fuck someone else!**

_ No one else is that desperate. _

**Are you insinuating that you’re desperate?**

_ Thought that was implied, Love. _

**Imply and insinuate are synonyms**

_ Yes they are, Sweetheart. _

**Don’t call me that.**

_ So Love is fine? _

**It’s just as horrid. But I had a point to make.**

_ So Love it is. _

**No!**

_ Too late. _

**Babe, please.**

_ Yes Love? _

**You son of a bitch. Now I’m definitely leaving you for a Frenchman.**

_ Your children will keep me company. _

**Not if I hire your children to kidnap them and bring them to me.**

_ Say that out loud, please. _

**I was talking about the Avengers. You know, your children.**

_ They wouldn’t slight me in that way otherwise they wouldn’t get food. _

**I’d offer them money to buy food.**

_ They wouldn’t. _

**Says who?**

_ Me. And them. _

**Do you have proof?**

_ Nat’s on my side. Bye, keeping Lila overnight. _

**Hey, Lance! I just realized something!**

_ What? _

**I get to see the Eiffel tower! Eat your heart out!**

_ Maybe I can get back with the beta omega after all... _

**Hey! No harem shit without me!**

_ You’re in France. Harem’s mine. _

**Bitch**

_ Nope, that’s gonna be who I’m fucking. _

**I thought I was your bitch.** Lance could hear Clint whining in the text.

_ And? Lila’s got a couple, I can too. _

**You said you grew out of that**

_ Did I? Or I could’ve lied _

**Would you lie to your husband?**

_ Yes. _

**I’ve decided something. You’re just a jealous Alpha. So ha.**

_ And if I am? _

**Then your words mean nothing, I’ll come home and you’ll fuck me until I can’t walk. No loss there.**

_ But jealous fuck or not is a diff. _

**Are you saying you don't want to fuck me?**

_ Did I say that? _

**Damn, I gotta get you jealous more often.**

_ Good luck with that. _

**Doesn’t seem that hard.**

_ True. It’s as easy as making you hard _ Lance sent with a smirk.

**Yeah, well if you ask me, you’re not doing that great of a job right now.**

_ I was trying to have a serious convo about your daughter, not about giving you a boner, Barton. _

**Then maybe you should start trying.**

_ Fine. You gonna talk to her about this or me? _

**About getting arrested or harem shit?**

_ Yes. _

**I can talk to her about getting arrested, but maybe you should talk to her about harem shit since you’re so much more experienced with it than me.**

_ It’s a deal then. _

**Works for me.**

_ Good.  _

**Anything else? Or can I keep trying to sext you?**

_ Clint. You’re on a mission, Love. _

**Yeah, but I’m alone right now.**

_ Watch my new daughter!!! _

**She’s taking a shower, dumbass.**

_ You’re the dumbass for not saying that. _

**Yes, because mentioning that a teenage girl is showering is extremely sexy and such a turn-on.** Lance didn’t need to hear Clint to know how sarcastic he was being.

_ Shut up, Love, you know what I meant. _

**Yes, and?**

_ Staph _

**What do I get in return?**

_ Nudes for later. _ Oh Jesus, did he just send that? Shit.

**Hmmm, tempting.**

_ Duh. _

**Will you throw in a sexy phone call?**

_ Nope. But jealous sex when you get back is a guarantee, sooo... _

**Deal.**

_ Good. _

**Yep, I can be a good little Omega for you.**

Fuck, that bastard.  _ I’d like to see that for myself, thank you very much, Love. _

**Stop calling me love. And I’m good for you all the damn time.**

_ Mhm, are you? _ Lance challenged.

**Hell yeah.**

_ Mhm. Anyway, brownies are almost done, bye, Love. _

**Damn you.**

_ Mhm, maybe later. These are better when hot. _

**I’m hot**

_ Yeah, but I can eat you anytime, Love. Brownies are a treat. _

**Seriously, stop calling me Love. It’s weird.**

_ Why? _

**It’s weird.**

_ Even if I growl it into your ear as I fuck you into a mattress? Or purr it as I bite your neck and mark you up? _

**Damn, I doubt I’d mind as much if that’s what you’re doing.**

_ Good. Cause I’m not stopping. _

**What else will you do to me?**

_ Use your imagination, Love. _ Lance smirked, knowing what the Omega was trying to do.

**Dammit**

_ Maybe I’ll just cuff you so you can’t touch as I do. _

**I’d curse your name if you did that.**

_ Oh? And if I tied you up like a present for me to play with? _

**Damn, I may allow that.**

_ May? _

**May.**

_ Alright. And if I kissed you until l you were begging for me to fuck you? _

**You’d be a tease.**

_ But didn’t we already know I was, Love? _

**Yes, but I was reiterating.**

_ Ooh, big words from such a pocket sized whore. _

**Hey, I’m your pocket sized whore, get it right.**

_ What happened to your Frenchmen? _

**His mustache is too big.**

Lance laughed _ , bye Love. _

**Already?**

_ Yes already. _

**Awwww.**

_ Love you _ Lance sent before slipping his phone back into his pocket, strolling into the living room. “Brownies are ready.”

“Already?” Nate asked,not looking away from the show… it was cyber chase.

“Yep.”

“Awwww,” Connor said, tearing his gaze away, “okay, Dad.”

“You guys can pause it. It’ll be here when you get back.”

“It’s on cable,” Nate said as he got up, “we can’t.”

“I’m sure you’ll live if you miss a few minutes for brownies. Unless you’d rather watch this and I'll eat the brownies.”

“I’m getting up, Dad, don't threaten me.”

“I’m not threatening you.”

“It was implied. Get up or no brownies,” Nate said flatly.

“It was a statement.”

“Sure, Dad.”

“It was.”

“Mhm,” Nate sounded, “now, brownies.”

“Yeah, yeah, you coming, Connor?” He looked back to find the empty couch.

“I already did!” Connor exclaimed from the kitchen, grinning widely in the doorway.

Lance laughed, “okay, okay.”

“So how come you took so long?” Nate asked.

“I was talking to your Dad, he’s a chatterbox.”

“Mhm.” Damn, he sounded like Clint right then.

“Plus the brownies had to cook, right?”

Nate nudged Connor, whispering something as he walked past, and the seven year old's face fell.

“What did he tell you?” Lance asked with an eye roll.

Connor looked after his brother, “Nothing, Dad.”

“Alright,” Lance said, pulling the brownies out of the oven.

Nate glanced at them, hand twitching at his side before shoving it in his pocket. Lance dished out three generously sized brownies, grinning as the caramel stretched out into strings. Perfect. Connor went to grab his before Nate slapped his hand away, “It’s still hot, idiot. You’ll burn yourself.” he grabbed his own, taking a big bite out of it. 

Lance rolled his eyes. “You can do what you want, Connor.”

“Okay, Dad,” Connor said, sticking his tongue out at the other boy, snatching his brownie up.

Lance took a bite of his, relishing in the taste. He loved caramel brownies. Which is why he made them as often as he did. Even if it was burning his mouth right now. It was worth it. In every way. Including the mess his seven year-old was currently making.

“Hot! Hot! Hot!” Connor exclaimed when he bit into a bunch of caramel trying not to spit the brownie out but trying to stop it burning him.

“Well yeah, I cooked it,” Lance deadpanned.

Nate whacked him in the leg for the comment, grabbing a glass of milk… well, tried to- he couldn’t use one hand so it was pretty hard. But he eventually got it. “Here,” he said, passing the glass to the boy, “It’ll help. Even if I  _ did _ tell you so.”

“Worth it,” Connor said after downing the glass.

“Whatever, dipshit,” Nate commented, rolling his eyes impressively.

“Language,” Lance reminded him. “There are young ears.”

Nate smirked, “wow, dad, didn’t know you were still young.”

“Ouch.”

“And?”

“You get that sass from your Dad.”

“It’s weak,” Nate deadpanned, mimicking his tone from earlier pretty damn well.

“I’m aware.”

“Good. So you’re not having dementia.”

“That was as cold as what's left of my heart.” Lance was spending way too much time around Clint if that was his response.

“Dad, you sound like Dad,” Nate said dryly, and somewhat for guilt tripping, “Or at least, I think. It’s been too long since I’ve seen him.”

“We’re gonna see him soon, hopefully,” Lance said, looking at the remaining brownies, wondering if it was worth having another one since he’d have to give another one to both of his sons. Nah, he’d wait for them to go to bed.

“I hope so,” Connor sighed.

“Me too, bud, me too,” Lance said.

Nate rolled his eyes, “Yeah, you’re practically fucking him, Dad, so shut it.”

“Nate!”

“What?”

“You know what,” Lance said sternly.

“Meh. It’s true though.”

“Kay, but your younger brother is in the room.”

“Sorry, Connor,” Nate muttered to the younger boy, picking at his brownie.

“It’s okay,” Connor said, even though he had no idea what was going on.

“See, he’s fine,” Nate declared.

Lance sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes with one hand.

Connor nudged Nate, whispering something in his ear that made the pre-teen sigh, “fine.”

“Anyway, since we’re pretty much guaranteed to go to New York, I want to make it clear that you have to keep up on your schoolwork, okay?” Lance said, changing the subject somewhat.

“Yep,” Connor said as Nate tried to discreetly roll his eyes.

“Got it, Nate?” Lance asked.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll get C’s or better, heard you loud and clear.”

“Good.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Lance chuckled lightly, “thanks, Nate.”

Nate stuck his tongue out petulantly, lips curling slightly.

“Really?” Lance asked teasingly.

“Yes,” Nate replied.

Lance chuckled again. “Okay.”

Nate smirked- the closest he’d get to laughing nowadays.

Connor finished his brownie and hopped off the stool with a bright grin. “Thank you for the brownie, Dad!”

Lance grinned, No problem, Connor.”

Connor waved with sticky hands before running to the bathroom to wash his hands and face.u

Nate rolled his eyes again, sticking a small chunk of brownie in his mouth. Somehow he still had more than half. It defied all laws of physics. Of all laws. It made no sense whatsoever. “Make sure to use soap!”

“Okay, Dad!”

“Thanks,” Lance called. He hoped Connor actually used soap this time around. Last time was a mess. As well as the time before that. Lance sighed, New York was sounding better and better, let Clint deal with this shit for a change. That bastard could help. It would be mildly entertaining to watch, as well as adorable.

“He’s not gonna use it,” Nate said flatly.

“I can dream, can’t I?”

“Meh. Dreaming is for the desperate.”

“Well, I am certainly that.”

“Mm.”

Lance grinned cheekily in response.

Nate wordlessly raised an eyebrow, face blank.

Lance went back to his last few bites of brownie.

The phone rang during dinner two days after Lila got back. “Lila?” Lance asked, glancing at the phone, “is that for you or are you still this side of the law?”

“I don’t think it’s for me,” Lila replied with a shrug.

Lance made a noise , but got up, “Hello?”

“Is this Lance Barton?” A female voice said. She had a french accent.

“Yeah, I’m Lance,” Lance said, sending a quizzical glance to the kids.

“We regret to inform you that Clint Barton is in the hospital. A bomb went off and he’s been in critical condition. He’s expected to make a full recovery though,” The woman said.

“What!? I-I mean, where is he? ” Lance asked, trying to control his voice. He didn’t want his kids to worry too much.

“He is here at the American Hospital of France, Mr, Barton.” Lila raised her eyebrow questioningly at him, mouthing ‘ _ what’s up?’. _

“Can you give me an address?” Lance asked, grabbing a pen and the first piece of paper he could find.

Lila got up as the woman told him the address, his handwriting messy due to his shaking hands. God, how many times would he have to suffer through these phone calls? How long until the call informed him that Clint was dead? “T-thank you,” he said, hanging up.

“What’s going on?” Lila asked.

Before he could answer, the phone rang again. Lance sighed and answered. “Hello?”

“Lance, I just heard, jet is ready when you want to go.” It was Tony.

“Oh thank god.”

“Do you want Nat to watch the kids?”

“I’ve got a friend they can stay with for the time being.”

Lila grabbed the phone, “who is this and who’s dead?” She demanded.

“Uh, This is Tony Stark and no one’s dead.”

“Fill me in, Starkie.”

“Starkie? That one’s actually new.”

“Fill me in.”

“Lila!” Lance protested, grabbing for the phone. “Don’t grill him.”

“Too bad,” Lila replied, slipping away, “so what’s up, Tony?”

“You’re Dad’s hurt. What else?” Tony said dryly.

“How bad, ya dingo?”

“I don’t know exactly, he’s currently in critical but is expected to make a full recovery.”

“When’s the plane getting here?” Lila asked, moving her mouth from the phone, “Nate, Cons, pack bags now.”

“Lila!” Lance yelled.

Lila gave him a look, “yes?”

“Can you please not?”

Nate and Connor were paused, watching them, “how bad’s dad?” Nate asked.

“He’s gonna be fine,” Lance replied.

“He’s in the hospital, so pack bags. We’re leaving in a half hour,” Lila said.

“It’ll take at least forty-five minutes for the jet to get there,” Tony piped up.

“And it’ll take them that long if I say a half hour, Starkie,” Lila replied before handing the phone back to Lance.

“I like her,” Tony decided.

“I’m glad,” Lance said flatly.

“How are you holding up anyhow?”

Lance grimaced, “I- I’m holding up.”

“Do you need me to bring anything?”

Lance sighed, “A responsible husband that doesn’t leave?”

“Banner’s kind of single. I mean, he’s got a thing for Nat, but they’re not officially together.”

Lance chuckled, the sound forced, “not my type, thanks, Tony.”

“Well if responsible isn’t your type, why’d you ask?”

“I want a husband, not a counselor.”

Tony laughed. “Yeah, no kidding. So I’m debating bringing Dr. Cho with us, since she’s got this new tech, but I’m not sure if it would go over well. Thoughts?”

“The hospital might appreciate the donation, but yeah.”

“Imma bring her, I don’t care if I bruise a few egos.”

“Of course not,” Lance said dryly.

“How are the kids?”

“Packing. I don’t know yet.”

“I’m sure Barton's gonna be fine. He’s too stubborn to die.”

Lance let out a nervous chuckle, “yeah, I know.”

“I would hope so.”

“Anyway, I gotta pack, I’ll let you go.”

“Okay, call if you need anything, and I mean anything, Lance.”

“I will, Tony.”

“Kay, bye.”

“See ya,” Lance said, hanging up. He slumped against the wall, rubbing his face. Why did this have to happen now? Goddamn it, Clint. Lance was going to lock him in the house if he kept this up. 

“Packed!” Nate declared, a duffel hitting the bottom of the stairs.

“Good,” Lance said with a forced smile.

“That one’s yours, by the way,” Nate called down the stairs, another bag hitting the ground, “that one’s mine.”

“Thank you so much,” Lance said, his smile becoming a bit more real.

“No problem, dad, I’m gonna help Cons now.”

“Okay.”

Lila walked down the stairs, tripping over the bags, “damn it.”

“Yeah, Nate threw them down the stairs,” Lance said.

“Ya don’t say!” Lila asked sardonically.

“I do,” Lance said seriously.

“Ugh.” Lika picked herself up, tossing the duffels into the middle of the room.

“Agreed.”

Connor and Nate came down a few minutes later, “Con’s done,” Nate announced.

“Good,” Lance said, schooling his face into a somewhat neutral expression.

“I’ll drive to the airport,” Lila volunteered.

“I can drive, Lils,” Lance said with an eye roll.

“If you say so.”

“Ouch.”

“Moving on.”

“Where are we going this time?” Nate asked.

“France,” Lance answered.

“Where’s that?” Connor asked.

“In Europe,” Lila said.

“Are we gonna fly across the ocean?” Connor asked with wide eyes.

“Yeah, now let’s go.”

“Okay,” Connor said, grabbing his bag and dragging it out the door.

Lance sighed, but followed all of them, locking up behind them. This was gonna be a long trip.


	9. It Must Get Worse Before It Gets Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, but school has gotten crazy and I needed to focus on my schoolwork. Again, super sorry. Also, please, please tell me what you think of this fic,

Her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton as she was shoved into the small cell. It was dark, the air moist and she could barely stand up, it was tiny in it by the atmosphere of it. She fell hard, hitting her hip on something. Her head hit another something and everything went blurry. “Mngh,” she sounded, curling in on herself. It was freezing in here.

“Oh, look,” one of the men said tauntingly, his voice laced with a Russian accent. “The little Omega’s cold.”

“I can keep you warm,” The other one, definitely an Alpha purred suggestively.

She let out a growl, the sound weak and garbled.

“You two. Find somewhere else to be,” someone snapped.

She dimly felt herself being lifted up and set into a chair- the chair she hit when she fell.

“Patch her up,” The person, male, ordered.

She flinched when someone touched her, pulling away. “Nghh.”

“It’s alright, I’m not going hurt you,” French. She sounded young but added bitterly. “That is not my job.”

There was a whump and the woman yelped. Kate’s wrists were pulled to the arms of the chair, a  _ zip _ sound and hard, thin plastic surrounded her wrists, digging in as they restrained her. She struggled as the same was done to her ankles, trying to kick the person. It didn’t work, but she could kind of start to see more details. The woman’s hair might be blonde or brown, and her face was heart-shaped. There was a bluish coat that was by her knee but stood up. “Get on with it, Ms. Dompt, don’t stall.”

The woman- Dompt- nodded and pulled a leather, old-style medicine bag into her lap. “Can I get her a numbing topical, sir?” She asked.

The man, his face fading in and out of view, nodded. “It would be best, no injections.”

The woman’s lips pinched, or at least, Kate thought they did. The edges of her vision were starting to go black, everything getting more blurry.

The man caught her head as it fell back, moving it to rest against her shoulder. “We wouldn’t want you to get whiplash, Ms. Volkova, now would we?”

She might have made a sound, but she wasn’t sure, her vision went black, but she could still hear the woman shifting around, the man giving occasional comments. She felt the piece of metal in her thigh being pulled out after a sharp pain on either side of it. She let out a whimper and heard the quiet hush. The tug of string running through her thigh was horrible, the pinch as it pierced one side, the string pulled through, and a tug as it was tied off, only to be repeated twenty-two times. A cloth was wrapped tightly around her thigh after it started going numb mercifully. It started to throb around it, though. The next was her arm, thirteen stitches this time. “Don’t worry about the minor, focus on her head,” the man said almost casually after those were done and the woman had moved to her ribs.

“But-”

“Her. Head. The rest will not bother her for long, she is just not to die.”

“Yes, sir,” The woman said sourly.

Kate winced, a sharp pain shooting through her head when her eye was opened and a light shined in it, blinding her more than she already was. The other eye followed with the same treatment.

“No concussion,” Ms. Dompt reported.

“Good,” the man said.

Kate faded in and out of consciousness as the woman ‘patched’ her up, more alert when she stood up, the med bag packed and the metal clasps shut. “I am finished,” she declared, squeezing Kate’s hand as a reassurance. Or maybe it was an apology.

“Leave,” the man said.

Dompt pursed her thin lips, looking nervously back over her shoulder as she walked through the small doorway. A loud bang and blood sprayed across the doorway, and the hand that had squeezed her moments before fell limply just in view. Kate jumped, staring at the hand, trying to control her breathing. No. No. This was a dream. They wouldn’t kill a woman just for serving her purpose… it depended on who ‘they’ were. Her gaze snapped back up as the man spoke. “I am sorry for the blood,” he said simply, accent thick and heavy, the constants harsh and vowels softer of his speech. He was Russian. He sat in the chair the woman had been in, blocking her sight of the hand. “Had to be done, you see.” He had brown eyes, a straight nose that led to full lips. His jaw and cheekbones were just a tad too sharp for him to be called handsome by most standards. “Now, about you, Ms. Volkova.”

Kate wanted to speak, to lash out with some insult, but all she could do was glare and hope that got the point across.

The man slipped a knife from his pocket, flipping it open and cutting the zip ties on each wrist, “you don’t need these for now.”

_ “Go to hell, you goddamn, fucking dick.” _

_ “ _ I will for what I do after I die,” the man replied simply. “It won’t be today.”

_ “Self-awareness will get you nowhere in your line of work, I'm sure I can guess your profession.” _

“And what do you think that is, Ms. Volkova?”

_ “Either people trafficking or kidnapping and holding for ransom.” _

“Neither.”

_ “A serial killer then?” _

“Serial killers don’t work with others,” The man pointed out.

_ “Does it look like I care?” _

“Not really, but it passes time, so I thought it would be no harm to play along.”

_ “You must be stupider than I thought.” _

“And why do you believe that is?”

_ “Now why would I endow you with common sense?” _

“I assure you I’m in no hurry. Your father will get more reckless the more he waits.”

_ “So, you’re after my father then? Am I bait?” _

“No, you’re a pawn.”

_ “I won’t play your little chess game, I have better things to do.” _

The man shrugged, “you will most likely be dead after this, Katrina.”

Kate glared at him harder.  _ “If I am to die today, I will either kill you in this life or the next. I swear it on my mother.” _

“And I do not doubt it.”

_ “You better not.” _

“But I made a promise that comes first,” The man said simply.

_ “Then you better let whoever you promised know that you won’t be able to deliver because you pissed me off.” _

“I cannot.”

_ “Then they’ll find out when they see your body.” _

“They’ll greet me on the other side, Katrina,” the man said.

_ “Did you sell your soul to the devil?” _

“No, I’m afraid not,” The man said with a chuckle.

_ “So you’re just naturally this psychotic?” _

“I view it as motivated.”

_ “You can view a painting from whatever angle you please, it does not change what it truly depicts.” _

The man shrugged in response. “At least I am not anyone else here.”

_ “You’re still a fool.” _

“But I am not an Alpha loving fool,” The man said, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Nor will I take advantage of you in that sense.”

_ “Oh, that makes me feel so much better!”  _ Kate signed as sarcastically as possible.  _ “Knowing you’ll just kill me instead of rape me!” _

“You might live, I did.”

_ “So it's either die or end up like you? I think death is preferable than to become a being of pure evil.” _

“I used to think so too, Katrina, and I am… regretful this had to be you.”

_ “Bullshit.” _

The man shrugged, “you are truly the only thing your Father cares about. If it were different I would prefer you to live as long and as happy as you are able.”

_ “Why should I believe anything coming out of your mouth?” _

“Lying is tiring, I don’t often do so.”

_ “That, in and of itself, could very well be a lie.” _

“It could. But it is not.”

_ “Is it?”  _ Kate asked with a flat look.

“The only person I wish to suffer is your father.”

_ “Why?” _

“He killed my brothers. And left me,” the man gestured to himself, “like this.”

_ “And this is your response?” _

“Yes.”

_ “At least it’s more rational than most grief-stricken dumbasses hell-bent on revenge, I will give you that.” _

The man chuckled again, “yes, I suppose it is.”

_ “So what did my father do that was so bad?” _

The man’s face fell, “have you heard of TH6-17?”

_ “I’ve heard ghost stories about it, each one more ridiculous than the last.” _

“It does seem ridiculous to those who haven’t been exposed to it, yes.”

_ “So what's the real story? You know, the one that doesn’t involve vampires?” _

“The vampire was what my brother became,” the man said remorsefully, “the hell sent ‘testing’ phase killed most of us, or left us horrible.”

_ “Why did my father authorize it in the first place?” _

“He wanted Russian super-powered people.”

_ “So… he wanted Russian Avengers?” _

“In essence, yes.”

_ “What went wrong?” _

“Everything.”

_ “Gee, that’s specific.” _

“I’m being literal, Katrina.”

_ “Oh.” _

The man nodded.

_ “So You're going to do to me what my father did to you and your brother?” _

“Yes. It will be blamed on Alpha supremacists, but your father will know what happened.”

Kate’s stomach dropped and if she could get any paler, she did.  _ “But I haven't done anything to you. This is unfair!” _

“As I said, you are the only thing your father cares about, and I would rather you live and love.”

_ “Then why go through with it?” _

“I made an oath.”

_ “Please,”  _ Kate pleaded, her hands shaking.  _ “Don’t do this to me.” _

“I am truly sorry,” the man said, getting to his feet.

_ “If you were sorry, you’d let me go. If you were sorry you’d stop. Saying you’re sorry means nothing if you don’t at least try to correct it.” _

“Then I suppose I am not as sorry as I thought,” the man said dully.

_ “Please! Where’s your humanity?” _

“It died the day your father kidnapped me and injected me with that awful drug.”

_ “Are you really going to do the same to me? All for the sake of vengeance?” _

“Yes, Katrina, I am.”

_ “You’re a monster.” _

The man smiled, “I have known I am for a long while,” he turned au

way, headed to the doorway, stooping over a little because of the low ceiling. Kate could do nothing but watch. “We’re ready,” he said to someone standing outside. Her blood, once pumping with adrenaline, ran cold. 

A man came in, cutting the zip ties around her ankles, “come on, Omega,” he said gruffly.

Kate glared at him in response.  _ “Over my dead body.” _

“What is she saying- fuck it,” the man said, grabbing a fistful of her hair, jerking it sharply to make her stand up if she wanted to keep it. She did.

The man in the blue jacket frowned at the one holding her by the hair, “she can walk, let go of her, Dimitri.”

The man, Dimitri, huffed but let go of her hair, her knees buckling and she fell to the ground. “Get up, Omega.”

She glared at him in response.

“Get. Up.” Dimitri grabbed her arm and hauled her to her feet.

The man in the blue jacket put his hand on the man’s shoulder, “stop,” it was like a switch was flipped, the man holding her relaxed, eyes drooping slightly as he let her go. She instinctively stumbled away from him. “Come, Katrina.”

_ “Like hell.” _

The man sighed, taking his hand off the one dude, who slumped to his knees, “then I will have to force you.”

_ “Feel free.” _

The man grabbed her arm just above the wrist, and she stiffened, getting herself off the ground like a robot. What the fuck was going on? “Are you going to walk?” The man asked. She found her feet moving of their own accord. She couldn’t even resist. She hated every second of it. She was led to a white room, the man keeping hold of her wrist the whole time. The only things colored was a black padded chair and a camera set up in front of it. Just over the chair's left shoulder was an IV bag and pole. Oh god, this was really happening. She was led to sit before the man let go of her hand and she slumped, back in control. What the actual hell? She flinched as one of the men grabbed her wrist, forcing it to the armrest, buckling it down with a padded leather belt looking thing. Her heart was racing and her breath far too fast to just be sitting down. But she wasn’t just sitting down, was she? Her brain kicked in as her other hand was forced and she struggled, trying to stop it. But brute strength wasn’t her strong suit, and she was buckled in. Her legs were restrained as almost an afterthought. She wished she could scream. Her hands were shaking as the camera was turned on and the man- not the blue jacketed one starting speaking, but she couldn’t hear, too distracted by everything. She just wanted to wake up, if only this were a dream. The man stopped talking and gestured for someone. Kate jumped when the needle poked her arm, pushing it and being held by tape. This was it, this was how she would die. The man who had been talking smirked, “let’s see if she has an Alpha heart, why don’t we?” He asked tauntingly. She might’ve glared or come up with a snarky response, but her fear was overwhelming and all she could do was stare in horror. Nothing happened and the IV was allowed to flow. At least, not for a while. But she jumped when the man with the blue jacket slipped a knife out of his pocket behind the camera, stabbing it into the one who had been talking, and the man stared at him in shock for a moment before falling over. 

Kate let out some choked sound that would've been a scream if she could speak. The other men in the room seemed to just fall over before a woman flicked into view, looking pained, beside the man. What was happening? The woman grinned at her, slipping a knife out of her pocket, before the man put a hand on her shoulder and she shuddered, stumbling back. Her head hit the hard floor with a sickening crack. The man crouched by her, speaking to her quietly. None of this made any sense. She didn’t even realize how hot it had gotten in the room until she was panting. Her head spun like a top and the room tilted at an alarming angle.

The man looked up, “Bog zashchishchayet nevinnykh i delayet vashe bremya legkim.”  _ God protects the innocent and makes your burdens easy. _ Was he praying for her? Why? She leaned her head back against the padded headrest, fingers twitching and her muscles spasmed. Slowly, jerkingly, her eyes closed. She didn’t know how long it was before they flew open, back arching as pure pain ripped through her. There were tears on her cheeks, and everything swam. Strangled sounds ripped out of her. Maybe you could call that a scream? It didn’t matter. All she could feel was the mind-numbing pain, it blurred her vision and dulled her other senses. It felt like every bone was breaking and breaking again, her blood boiling. Her skin felt like it was being ripped to shreds and her mind turning to nothing. She let out a strangled, broken, moan as her head started to feel like she was being pulled apart from the inside. This was it, this was how she would die. She heard a quiet voice, chanting softly. Praying. Had she already died? She felt something in her break, a different kind of pain that made everything go black. Slowly, but surely, after what felt like hours, the pain faded and she slipped away into nothingness.

Clint mumbled something, moving his head as Lance rubbed his hand lightly. Even with Dr. Cho, his husband was more bandage than anything else. “Twenty percent,” they said, “only twenty percent of his body covered in burns. That’s good, it could be a lot worse.” He had been shoved aside during the explosion is what people had reported. Pushed by Kate, who was nowhere to be found. Some speculated that she had been incinerated by the blast. Clint mumbled something, opening one eye briefly.

“Clint? Clint, sweetie? Can you hear me?” Lance asked hopefully.

“D’y c’ll me sw’ty.”

Lance laughed, he laughed because the other option was crying, and he didn’t want to cry. He wanted to be happy. But how could he be?

“‘M s’ri’s.”

“I know,” Lance said thickly. “I know.”

“Dad!” Nate whispered excitedly, hopping off his chair to run over, gripping the sides of the bed.

“H’y l’le m’n.”

“Hey, everyone says you’re gonna be okay, okay?”

“O’ay.”

Nate smiled, but he still looked worried.

“Hey, Barton?” Tony said from his seat. “Don’t pull this shit again. I can’t afford to fly out every time you blow yourself up. Well, actually, I can, but I don’t wanna.”

“S’rry,” Clint said, making it unapologetic, “h’w’s K’t?”

The silence was all he got, and it told him everything.

“S-sh’ w’s in g’d sh’p,” he stammered.

“They’re looking for her,” Nat piped up.

“Sh’ w’s p’lled out,” Clint said, words less slurred.

“They’ll find her.” An empty promise, but it was a nice thought.

Clint sighed, putting his head on the pillow.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Lance said, gripping his hand. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah,” Clint agreed halfheartedly, grabbing Nate’s hand with his free one. Lance tried to ignore how his heart shattered into a million pieces. Nate smiled thinly.

“Dad, she’s gonna be alright.”

“I kn’w.”

“Good,” Nate said sternly.

“Mmhm.”

“Sorry, Connor’s asleep,” Lila said quietly, the boy on her lap so she couldn’t get up.

“I’s o’ay.”

Lila nodded, “I got you chocolate, by the way, Dad.”

“A’a g’rl.”

Lila chuckled, “dork.”

“W’rdo.”

“Very much so. Ya dingo.”

“Mmhm, st’ner.”

“Card-carrying. At least I’m not a rip off cupid, Dad.” Lila grinned.

“‘M a h’wk.”

“Sure, Buzzard.”

“Wh’t’s th’t m’ke ‘ou?”

“I take after my other dad,” Lila said flatly, “so a jackass.”

“N’t wr’ng.”

Lance chuckled wetly as Lila said, “at least I don’t eat roadkill.”

“H’w d’ y’u kn’w?”

“You smell like it,” Lila teased.

“N’t m’ qu’esti’n.”

“Same answer though.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Shut up or I’ll eat your French chocolate.”

“F’ne.”

“Ha.”

Clint glanced at Lance. “‘Re y’u cr’in’?”

“Yes,” Lance sniffed.

“Why?”

“Because you’re a dipshit!”

“So’re you.”

“I didn’t get myself blown up!” Lance exclaimed heatedly.

“So?”

Lance smacked the Omega’s forehead lightly.

“L’ve you.”

“No, you don’t. You wouldn’t do this to me if you did, bastard.”

Clint weakly squeezed Lance’s hand. “Y’s I do.”

“Ugh,” Lance sounded but brought Clint's hand to his lips to kiss his knuckles lightly.

Clint smiled slightly. “D’n’t go.”

“I won’t.” 

“Eww!” Nate exclaimed dramatically.

“Oh, shut it,” Lance said with a laugh.

Clint laughed, grabbing Lance’s head with his one hand and pulling him down for a kiss. Thank god he hadn’t burnt his face. Lance kissed back gently, cupping Clint’s face with one hand.

Nate groaned, pulling away to pout by Nat and Tony.

Lance pulled away. “You are impossible.”

“Which one?” Nat teased. She nudged Nate with an elbow.

“Both.”

“Good.”

“Yep.”

Nat rolled her eyes, pulling out her phone to ignore the world. But she was still grinning. Much to Nate’s chagrin. He turned to Tony instead. The billionaire raised an eyebrow like “what do you want me to do?”

“Not be gross, and be cool.”

“I can do that.”

“Good.”

“Yep.”

Nate watched him for a while, jumping when Nat muttered, “Bozhe ty moy.” And dropped her phone in her purse quickly.

“What? Did Fury send you a photo not meant for you?” Tony asked cheekily.

“Nothing,” Nat said. She swallowed and stood up, “I'm gonna take a walk.”

“Uh, okay?”

Nat grabbed her bag, leaving the room as fast as she could.

“The fuck is going on?” Tony muttered while pulling out his own phone.

“What ‘cha doin’?” Nate asked curiously.

Tony looked at the kid like “oh! You’re still here.”

Nate looked at him expectantly.

“I’m trying to figure out what's got Nat so rattled.”

“How?”

“With a magical device known as my phone,” Tony said sarcastically.

“No shit. But how are you going to do it?”

“Have you ever heard of a news app?”

“Like TV?” Nate asked, not impressed at all.

“It’s kinda like that, only for the dark web.”

“Whoa!” Nate exclaimed, leaning forward to watch Tony.

“Yep.”

“But wouldn’t it be easier to steal her phone?” Nate pointed out.

“She took her bag with her.”

“I thought you could do weird stuff like take the phone screen,” Nate muttered.

Tony thought for a moment. “I could do that.”

“Cool!” Nate said.

“Yep,” Tony said, pulling out his screen-stealing device.

Nate watched eagerly. Tony did his best to ignore the twelve-year-old breathing down his neck. It was hard. It took Nat’s screen, pulling up the last thing looked at. Fuck. He went pale. He was pretty sure Kate has more color than him at this point as he stared in abject horror.

“What the fuck!?” Nate exclaimed as he looked as the albino girl’s back arched, mouth open in a silent scream. The girl looked terrified, face contorted in agony. Tony knew he should turn it off, but his limbs wouldn’t comply. The girl slumped, going boneless, panting heavily as her eyes fluttered. Then, slowly, her head lolled and she went completely lifeless. That was when Tony managed to turn the phone off.

“W-wh-who was that?” Nate stammered, eyes wide, his face pale.

“What’s going on?” Lance asked worriedly.

“Tony was watching some girl die on Nat’s phone!” Nate exclaimed. He looked sick.

“I-I’m sorry,” Tony muttered numbly.

“What?” Lance asked, looking over at Tony.

“I’m sorry,” Tony repeated.

“What were you watching?”

“It- It was Kate, I- I didn’t- I couldn’t-”

“Wh’t ‘bout K’t?” Clint asked, looking over, suddenly paying attention.

“There was a girl on Nat’s phone!” Nate exclaimed. “She died!”

“What?”

“She died! It was crazy!”

“What?” This time Clint sounded hurt, broken.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said again, almost like a loop.

“What happened?” Clint pleaded.

“I- I’m not sure, I think they injected her with something,” Tony answered carefully.

Clint looked sick, “I-she-”

“It’s not your fault,” Lance said.

“Yes, it is.”

“No, no it’s not,” Lance said, grabbing both of Clint’s hands. “It’s not your fault.”

“I-it is.” The heart monitor started beeping more.

“Clint, look at me.”

Clint did, and he looked crushed.

“What happened is not your fault. You couldn’t have known.”

“But-”

“No buts.”

“I-”

“You did your best. You couldn’t have done anything to stop it.”

“Yes, I could!” Clint exclaimed, trying to sit up. “A-are you sure she’s…”

“Yeah,” Tony mumbled.

Clint’s face tightened. “Oh god.”

“I’m sorry.” 

The monitor beeped in a fusillade of sounds.

“Clint,” Lance said, “you need to calm down.”

“I-I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s my fault, Lance.”

“No, it’s not,” Lance assured him, stroking his hair.

“I-it was my job to keep her safe.”

“You didn’t know.”

“But I shoulda.”

_ “No.” _

Clint blinked, “di-did you just alpha voice me?”

Lance gave him a flat look, although it was kinda ruined by the slightly red eyes. “What else did you expect?”

“I-” Clint started.

Lance squeezed his hand. “This wasn’t your fault.”

“She pushed me out of the way, Lance.”

“So? It wasn’t the explosion that killed her.”

“But it’s still on me.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is!”

“No.”

“How the hell not?” Clint demanded.

“You didn’t know, you couldn’t have known.”

Clint opened his mouth to argue but it was Tony who cut him off,” Yeah, we know, ‘you shoulda known’ but you couldn’t have. None of us know the future. Get it through your thick skull and stop making Lance even more emotional.”

Clint shut his mouth and looked down guiltily.

“Thank you. Your head was in your intestines just then.”

Lila had to try really hard not to laugh. Her shoulders shaking made Connor wake up. Kind of. “Mhm?” He sounded sleepy.

“Dad’s awake,” Nate informed him.

Connor snapped to attention, looking over, “Dad!” He scrambled off Lila’s lap and ran over to the bed.

“Hey, little buddy,” Clint said with a small smile.

Connor grinned widely at him, “I’m happy you’re up.”

“Me too.”

“You aren’t going back when you’re better,” Connor declared, grabbing one of his hands.

“Oh?”

“Nope. I don’t want to get hurt anymore.”

“You and me both,” Lance muttered.

Clint squeezed his hand.

“Why are your eyes red, Dad?” Connor asked.

Clint snickered as Lance facepalmed, “erm…”

Connor looked at his dads expectantly.

“Daddy’s emotional,” Clint said.

“Fuc-screw you, I’m always emotional,” Lance muttered.

“I am very aware,” Clint said smugly.

“Negh.”

Clint laughed and turned to Connor, “so how have you been?”

“Better, now that I know you’re awake.”

“I’m glad,” Clint said, pulling the boy on to sit next to him on the bed.

“Me too.”

“You wanna come over here, Nate?” Clint asked, looking over at the other boy.

“Are you gonna be gross?” Nate asked dully.

“Not right now,” Clint promised with a laugh.

“Okay,” Nate said, coming over and crawling onto the bed.

Clint smiled at him, pulling him close, Connor on the other side snuggled to his side. It hurt, but it was worth it. “Li?”

“What?” Lila asked with a shit-eating grin.

“Wanna join the sap fest?”

“Yeah,” she said after a moment of fake deliberation before climbing onto the bed.

Clint grinned at her, “my, how big you’ve gotten, little red.”

“Don’t ever say that again.”

“Come on,” Clint protested. “You loved that as a kid!”

“Yes, and?”

“You’re growing up too fast.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in high school, ever think about that?”

“Speaking of. I hope you’ve been using protection, young lady,” Clint said sternly. “I don’t wanna know about your harem, but make sure you’re keeping it clean.”

“Dad!”

“I’m serious, Lils.”

“I know.”

“So have you been using protection?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Tell them if they hurt you they’re dead.”

“No.”

“Do it.”

“Hell no, it’ll scare Jacob off!”

“Then he’s not worth it.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. If I scare him off he’s not worth it.”

“Ugh.”

Clint smirked, “and I don’t want anymore legal trouble with nudity, got it?”

“Fine.”

“Good.” Clint held out an arm for a one-sided hug. Lila rolled her eyes but complied. Clint grinned, hugging all his kids close. “Love you all.”

“Love you too, Dad,” the three kids chorused.

Clint looked over at his Alpha, “get over here.”

“Okay,” Lance said, getting on the bed too. Clint smiled at him. Lance smiled back and kissed his temple.

“Damn,” Tony commented after a moment right before the bed creaked.

This caused quite a bit of laughter as the three kids reluctantly got off the bed and returned to their seats. Lance, however, stayed. Not that Clint minded in the slightest. “Love you, Love,” Lance said quietly.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Too bad. You don’t have a choice.”

“Ugh.”

“Love.”

“Jackass.”

Lance kissed him gently. Clint was all too happy to kiss back. In his defense, he hadn’t seen Lance in far too long.

“Ew!” Nate yelled.

Lance chuckled and pulled Clint closer in response.

Clint laid his head on his chest with a contented sigh.

“Love you, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me sweetheart.” There wasn’t any heat behind it.

“Too bad. Because I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Dorks,” Lila said with an eye roll.

“Yep,” Lance agreed.

Nate sighed, leaning against Lila’s side.

“Can I help you?” Lila asked dryly as she wrapped her arm around his shoulders.

“Bored."

“Oh?”

“Dad’s gonna be fine, so I’m bored.”

“Then go find the vending machine and raid it,” Lila said, handing him some money.

Nate grinned, taking off out the door. “Thanks!”

“He’s going to get so disappointed when he realized you gave him American dollars and we’re in Europe,” Tony commented.

“He’ll find someone to trade, he’s resourceful,” Lila replied.

“Okay.”

“Maybe you should go with him?....” Connor suggested.

“He’s twelve,” Tony said, “how much trouble can he get in?”

Lila snorted, “a lot. But I’m not going with him.”

“Maybe Nat’ll find him?”

“If he doesn’t get arrested first,” Lika said, looking over to see Clint and Lance passed out.

“I’ll bail him out.”

“Meh. He can escape, it’s fine,” Lila said casually.

“If you say so.” 

“Do you wanna spend the money?”

“I don’t care.”

“Alright then, you do you, Starkie.”

“I will.”

“Coolio.”

“So what’s this I hear about you starting the ‘harem phase’?”

“Oh my god,” Lila said, rolling her eyes, “did Dad tell  _ everyone _ ?”

“No, it’s just that Clint just chewed you out for it, like, five minutes ago.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Lila said sheepishly.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s a thing, I guess,” Lila said with a shrug.

“I can imagine.”

“Yeah. So how’s Stark Industries going?”

“Alright, from what I hear. I don’t know the specifics, I’ve been pushed out that loop by my ex.”

“Cool, I’ll keep my stock then.”

“I would recommend it.”

“Alright.”

“Yep.”

“So now that Dad’s awake, can I borrow a credit card and I’ll give you cash for what I use?” Lila asked.

“Uh sure,” Tony said, pulling out his wallet and handing her one of his credit cards. She, in turn, grabbed a hundred, switching him for it, “thanks, Starkie, c’mon, Connor, let’s explore.”

“Yay!” Connor cheered as he followed her out.

“Volume control, bud,” Lila said simply.

“Sorry.”

“It’s chill. I’ll get you chocolate if you stay under fifty decibels.”

“Okay.”

Lila took his hand as they closed the door behind them.

Connor was practically vibrating with excitement as they walked out into the sun. Lila was about the same but managed to stay ‘cool’ about it. Mostly. It was a chore. She also wished she had taken French last year instead of Spanish. That would've been really helpful. Oh well, she didn’t have a time machine. And most everyone knew some English. So she managed to find her way around alright.

“Lila, look!” Connor exclaimed, pointing to a certain sign that was elegantly hand-drawn for a fortune teller.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” Lila agreed.

“Can we?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Cool!”

Lila led her brother over to the sign, hoping to just magically know where to go. She didn’t. She scanned the sign, silently praying that there would be something she could figure out, but there wasn’t. Shoot, “hey, we’ll come back to it, alright, Cons?”

“Alright.”

“Cool.”

“Where are we going now?”

“Let’s wander, kay?”

“Kay.”

Lila started off in a random direction but made sure she remembered where they'd come from. They wandered the streets with no real destination in mind, mostly because they had no idea where anything was. They ended up visiting a couple of museums and then ended up going to a cute little patisserie shop. Connor was overjoyed by the little pastry he got. “Let’s head back,” Lila said around a macaroon she was nibbling.

“Okay,” Connor said brightly. 

Lila nodded, making sure to keep a hold on to the boy’s hand as they walked back. Her eyes flitted over the streets as she made her way back. It was more narrow than what she was used to, that’s for sure. There was also an air of elegance, but that might’ve been her imagination. It was almost peaceful, the people walking about, chatting in French and other languages, going on about their lives. It was nice not to understand it all for once. Here, she didn’t have to be Lance’s, well, Clint’s bastard kid. Here, no one knew her, and the anonymity was refreshing. “My legs are tired,” Connor sighed.

“Just a little further, bud.”

“Alright, Lila.”

“C’mon, this way.”

“Okay.”

Lila led him down the winding streets, keeping her eyes peeled for familiar landmarks. She almost missed the elegant sign, but they walked past it to the hospital.

“What about the fortune teller?” Connor asked.

Dang it, “we’ll come back tomorrow, okay? It’s starting to get dark.”

“Okay,” Connor agreed.

Lila nodded, then grinned, “Hey, Connor,” she said, scooping the boy up into her arms.

“Yeah?”

“Gotcha.”

Connor giggled happily.

Lila grinned, lugging the boy into the hospital. “And I looooove you!”

“I love you more!”

“There’s no way,” Lila said in mock seriousness.

“Yes, there is,” Connor insisted.

“Nope!”

“Yeah!”

“Nu huh.”

“Yeah huh.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Love ya, Cons. You’re wrong.”

“I love you more, Li,” Connor told her.

“Impossible!” Lila exclaimed in a hushed tone.

“Nope, not impossible,” Connor said, a little too loud. Oh well, boys will be boys.

“Shush,” Lila said, stifling a laugh as she ducked into Clint’s room.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Lila said, putting him on his feet.

“Okay.”

“Go bug Dad, kay?” Lila said with a wicked grin.

“Okay,” Connor agreed deviously before running to the hospital bed.

Clint started awake, “mhmm.”

“Hi, Dad!”

“Hey, little dude,” Clint said, clenching his jaw against a yawn.

“Lila took me exploring!”

“Oh cool, what’d you do?”

“Walked mostly, we found a bakery. She bought me a- I dunno what it’s called but it was good.”

Clint laughed, “that’s great.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you two have fun?”

“Oh yeah, lots of fun.”

“That’s good.”

“Yep!”

“Did you do anything else?” Clint asked, holding back another yawn.

“We were gonna go to a fortune teller, but then we didn’t.”

“Fortune tellers are cr-er, how come?”

“I dunno.”

“Okay.”

Connor nodded in response.

Clint hauled the young boy up to sit next to him, “how’s school been going since I talked to you?”

“Good, my teacher’s really nice.”

“I’m glad. How about you Na- where’s Nate?”

“He’s looking for the vending machine,” Tony piped up.

“How long has he been gone?” Clint asked carefully.

“Uhh, hour and a half?”

“He’s been gone longer than us,” Lila pointed out as Clint struggled and tried to get up. He might have been successful if it weren’t for the dead weight that was his sleeping husband. And the bandaged legs.

“Oh shit,” Clint swore.

“What’s the big deal?” Tony asked.

“Nate. In a foreign country. Alone!” Clint said in a hushed, but urgent tone.

“Yeah?”

“He’s the trouble one!” Clint exclaimed.

“Huh?” Lance mumbled sleepily.

“Go to sleep, babe, everything’s fine. Not like our non-free range boy is missing or anything,” Clint said, patting the Alpha’s back.

“Clint,” Lance said without opening his eyes. “What did you do to my child?”

“It wasn’t me and he is mine!”

“I deal with his shit more than you. He’s mine.”

“He’s not here in either case!” Clint exclaimed.

“For fuck’s sake.”

“It was Tony!”

“It was not!” Tony protested. “It was your daughter!”

“He’s fine!” Lila exclaimed with an eye roll, “he’ll pop up in the arrest reports.”

“That would be true if it were you,” Clint deadpanned.

Lance groaned, “he’s too damn ninja to get caught.”

“Ugh.”

“APB?” Connor suggested innocently.

“Maybe.”

Clint grabbed Lance’s phone, “maybe Nat’s got him?...” he asked hopefully.

“I hope so.”

The second she answered, Clint blurted, “do you have Nate with you?”

“Uhh, no?”

“Oh shit,” Clint groaned.

“You lost a child? In France?”

Clint ran a hand down his face, “Yes. I blame Tony.”

“I had nothing to do with him leaving,” Tony protested.

Clint gave him a hard look.

“I didn’t!”

“Moving on!” Clint said loudly.

“I’ll keep an eye out for him,” Nat promised.

“Thank you, Nat,” Clint said gratefully, hanging up to try to get up again. Damn burned legs. But at least it was mostly his shins and lower thighs.

“You need to rest,” Lance said, “I’ll go look for him. Okay?”

“But-” Clint started.

“But nothing, Clint.”

“Lance.”

“I'll find him.”

Clint’s shoulders sagged minutely. 

“I promise,” Lance said, kissing his temple before getting up.

“Alright,” Clint grumbled.

“Okay,” Lance replied, figuring Clint would get up after he left, but knew better than to fight it too much.

“Be careful.”

“Of course.”

“I mean it,” Clint said, grabbing his Alpha’s hand. 

“I know, and so do I.”

“Good.” Clint let go, albeit reluctantly.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Lance told him before striding out of the room.

“No you won’t,” Clint sighed.

“Probably,” Tony agreed.

Shut it, Starkie, let them have their moment,” Lila chided.

“Lance left, it’s fine.”

“Then let my dad mope,” Lila said with a sigh, gesturing to Clint, talking like he wasn’t even there.

Tony rolled his eyes but thankfully didn’t comment further.

“Good.”

Tony absently checked his phone, then did a double-take. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath.

“What?” Lila asked, looking over.

“I’m a fucking idiot,” Tony replied.

“How so, this time?” Clint asked, snapping out of the daze he was in.

“I made plans today, and I forgot to cancel. Rhodey’s pretty pissed at me right about now,” Tony said sheepishly.

“Then fly and meet up in the middle or something,” Clint said with a shrug.

“Hilarious,” Tony deadpanned.

“Not joking, Stark.”

“Oh?”

“I mean, you can get places super fast in the suit, so you could meet up with him somewhere.”

“No, it’s fine. We weren’t going to do anything important anyway,” Tony said with a slight laugh.

Clint raised his eyebrow, “go hang out with your friend, Stark.”

“Okay, if I see Nate, I’ll make sure he gets back here,” Tony said before getting up and walking out. 

“Thank you.”

“No problem,” Tony called over his shoulder.

“So how are you doing with everything, Li?”

“I haven’t died yet,” Lila replied.

Clint chuckled dryly, “I’m glad for that.”

“So am I.”

“How’s school goin’?”

“If I hear ‘it looks good on a college application’ one more time, I’m going to barf.”

Clint snickered, “my condolences.”

“They’re appreciated, seeing as I doubt I can survive much longer in that hellhole we call high school.”

“Well, if you think about it, I never went to college, and look at me.”

“Yeah, but that was back in the stone age.”

“Ouch,” Clint remarked dryly.

“It was.”

“It was not!”

“Close enough.”

“Whatever,” Clitn said, turning on the TV.

Lila rolled his eyes at him.

Clint stuck out his tongue, but his attention was drawn to the TV when he heard what was playing, “-onsel man Volkova, if you wish to ever see your daughter’s remains, listen,” the man sounded Russian.

“What the fuck?” Clint muttered.

Lila looked up and over at the screen, “turn it off. You don’t need this,” she said as the man kept talking… there was something off about him.

“No, it’s fine,” Clint said, waving her off.

Lila hesitated. “Dad…”

“This is important intel and you know it.”

“Fine,” Lika sighed, but she watched too.

Clint studied the man more than he listened to the words. There was just something off about him like he was there but not really.

“What’s with his eyes?” Lila asked after a bit.

“I’m not sure, he may be enhanced, like Steve or the Sokovian twins.”

“No, they’re- look,” Lila said as the man leaned back so his eyes caught the light. That was weird. His eyes were… fractured. Red was splintered through them, and it looked like broken glass.

“I’ve never seen that before,” Clint muttered.

“Neither have I.”

“What the actual fuck?”

“I have no idea,” Lika said absently, she stood up, walking over to the screen so she could see better. Clint wished he could actually get up so he could do the same. “No obvious location,” she muttered, looking at the white room.

“That’s usually the case.”

“Sadly,” Lila sighed.

“Yeah.”

“Is that Nate?” Connor interrupted, startling them both as he pointed to the very corner of the screen where you could see a mop of blonde-brown hair in a corner of the room.

“Son of a bitch!” Clint exclaimed, reaching for Lance’s phone.

“That- he-” Lila stammered, watching as the boy darted out of sight when a slight sound was heard.

“I’m going to kill him!”

“If he doesn’t get freaking killed first!” Lila exclaimed frantically when the man’s odd eyes flicked over.

“Nat!” Clint said frantically. “We’ve got a problem.”

Nat, who had just answered the phone, said, “what? Out of chocolate?”

“My son somehow got to wherever the hell they took Kate!”

There was a long pause, “so they’re in France.” A simple fact.

“Nat!”

“Sorry.”

“We have to find them, now.”

“Any giveaways?”

“Not yet.”

“I’ll see what I can do in the meantime,” Nat said as the man stood up.

“You have heard my terms, answer them or don’t see Katrina again.” The feed went dead, and the TV switched back to the rom-com it was on.

“Okay, keep me in the loop.”

“I will.” With that, Nat hung up.

Clint looked blankly at the phone, who else could he call? Lila was pacing, glancing around as she thought. He wanted to get ahold of Lance. But he didn’t have his phone, Clint did. Shit. God damn it all and damn Karma too. It could burn in hell. He was- needed to be out there, looking for him! Clint grabbed the edge of the hospital bed, trying to get up. But of course, Lila was there, pushing him back down.

“Dad, no, you can’t. You gotta lie down.”

“I  _ need  _ to find my son.”

Lila pushed the nurse button, “no, you can’t. So stop or I’ll have them knock you out.”

“Lila, c’mon.”

“No,” Lila said sternly.

“My son, your brother, is out there, and he could be dead for all I know I have to find him.”

Lila huffed out a breath as a nurse came in, looking over at the man, “please knock him out, he’s gonna stroke or something.”

“No, I’m not!” Clint protested.

The nurse looked hesitant before saying, “I’ll be right back with the doctor.”

“This isn’t necessary,” Clint said.

Lila gave him a flat look.

“It’s not!”

“Yes, it is,” Lila said as both a doctor and the nurse came back.

“Don’t listen to her,” Clint said, gesturing to Lila.

“Dad, shut up.”

“I need to go find my husband so I can tell him about… what happened.”

That seemed to be the deciding factor as the doctor pulled out a syringe, injecting his IV tube, “you need rest, Mr. Barton.”

“For fuck’s sake.”

“Language, dad,” Connor piped up.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Kay,” Clint was already starting to feel groggy.

“Sorry, Dad,” Lila apologized as she stepped back.

“No, you’re not.”

“Not even slightly.”

“Rude.”

“Meh,” Lila said as his eyes started to feel heavy.

“Just find Lance, o’ay?”

“I will Dad.”

“Good.”

“Sleep, you need it.”

“F’ne.” Lila waited until he was asleep to sigh and collapsed into a chair. This was one massive mess.

Nate knew this had been a bad idea. But they were tunnels, how was he not supposed to go down them? He supposed the threat of imminent death may have scared others off, but he had never been cautious. So when he saw the white girl from Nat’s phone, he just had to see what the hell was going on. Now he was less sure he was cut out for this.

He had sneaked into the room but freaked and started backing out when the man looked at him, freezing him in place. Oh shit. Oh shit. He was screwed. The man looked back and talked more before a girl  _ freaking appeared out of nowhere _ and caught hold of Nate’s arm, he may or may not have screamed. 

The man looked surprised at the sound, blinking at him. Nate froze in fear. “How did you find your way down here?” The man asked, still surprised, or at least his tone was.

“No-none of your business.”

“Let him go, please, Lada,” The man said, looking at the woman who still had a hand around his bicep, grip unyielding as steel. She let go, although she didn’t seem very happy about it. The man crouched in front of him, his eyes… they were broken looking as he looked intently at the boy, “tell me.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then I make you,” The man said simply, “but let us try something else. Were you followed, and where are your parents?”

“No, I-I wasn’t followed.”

“And what is an American boy doing in France’s tunnels without his parents?”

“Exploring.”

“Again, where are your parents?”

“In- in the hos-hotel room,” Nate lied, “I left without telling them.”

The man just raised an eyebrow, “I won’t harm you or yours unless I have to.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You don’t have to lie, because there is no harm.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Yes you are,” the woman said, her voice hoarse from disuse.

“No! I’m not!”

“When will they inform the authorities?” The man asked calmly.

“I don’t know. Soon?”

The man pursed his lips, glancing at the bedroll in the corner where the pale girl had been moved to, “I see.”

“Can I go now?”

“What are your parent’s names?”

“Cl-Claire and La-Laura.”

“You’re lying again.”

“I am not, those are their names.”

The man gave him a flat look, “then I guess they lose a child today.”

“No, please let me go back! They’ll be worried!”

“Their names?”

“I told you, Claire and Laura.”

“And you were lying,” the man replied. “Which might entail you believe that I will recognize the names, correct?”

“No. Those are their names.”

The man sat back on his heels, looking at him thoughtfully. “I could make you tell me.”

“Those are their names! I’m telling the truth!”

The man sighed, “No, you’re lying way too much, Nate.”

“How do you know my name?”

“Your tag is sticking out.”

Nate would’ve facepalmed if he wasn’t completely petrified. Of course, his tag was sticking out. He heard the woman snicker behind him and saw the disapproving look the man sent her.

“What is your last name?” The man asked.

Shit. “Why do you care?”

“To make sure you get back to them,” the man said.

“I can get there myself.”

“I’m sure you can.”

“Great! So I’ll be on my way.”

The man looked at him, seemingly thinking it over, “you can go anytime.”

“Then I’ll leave right now, thanks.”

“Of course.” The man stood up, a sign that the boy could leave. Nate had to force himself to move. But he sure as hell didn’t stop once he did, stumbling down the tunnel he had come from, feeling like he was being watched with each step. He probably was. And it scared the shit out of him. And to add to it, he didn’t know if he dared go back to his family. They might be looking for him by now. But he didn’t want them in danger. He sighed as he climbed out of the tunnel, into the darkened, narrow alleyway he had first come from. He still had no idea what he should do. What could he do? He was twelve! He seriously regretted going into the tunnel in the first place. He started off in. Random direction. What would Dad do? He’d probably have already taken care of the bad guys. He’d be brave. Nate walked out of the alleyway, figuring he could at least buy some time. But time for what? Going back, or what? Time to think something hopefully. He sighed again, looking around. Where was he? The hospital was to his right a half (ish) mile away, that’s all he knew. He headed in that general direction, he’d find it sooner or later. Hopefully later. Hopefully, he’d have a plan by the time he got there. A reason to be gone so long. Anything. He grimaced. He was dead. His Dads were going to kill him. Ah shit. He was screwed. Whelp. Maybe if he had a good enough reason, they’d let him off the hook. So what was he gonna say? The truth was out of the question. Maybe he got lost? That was the most believable lie. He kept walking, debating different lies to tell, eyes looking at the street. What was he going to do? How did Dad do it all the time? He sighed heavily. He didn’t know what to do. There didn't seem to be any good options. He glanced up, catching sight of an elegant sign in some language he didn’t know. Judging by the artwork, it belonged to a fortune-teller of some sort.

“Young man,” a voice cut into his thoughts.

“Yes?”

He looked over at the older man, his posture just a bit stooped. “Come inside,” he said.

Nate hesitated but went inside.

There were five other people inside, each in various bits of costumery. The room itself was draped in rich fabrics and sweet perfumes.

“Come eat,” the man said as he limped into a kitchen area.

Nate followed the man, his eyes scanning the area.

A teenage girl grinned at him, “Another stray?” She teased lightly, winking at him.

“A passerby would be more accurate,” the man replied with a fond smile.

The teenager scooted over so Nate could sit on the bench by her in front of an old table, “here, sit by me. I’m Lana.”

Nate plopped down next to her. “I’m Nate.”

“Good to meet ya,” She sounded different, not French really.

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

“You don't have to be polite to her,” The guy sitting next to her said loudly, grinning, but he tried to hide it by looking into the cup in front of him,

“Why not?” Nate asked jokingly.

“Cause no one else does,” Lana said, shoving the guy’s shoulder. It was a familiar gesture, good-natured.

“What else do you expect?” The guy asked.

“Ah,” Lana replied, “nothing better from you, I guess.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Moving on,” a mid-thirties woman cut in.

“To what? The future?” Lana asked jokingly.

The woman rolled her eyes, turning to Nate, “so why are you here?” She asked, but her tone was a lot softer than when talking to the other two.

“I was just walking by when I was invited in,” Nate answered.

“Carney soul,” the old man said as if to explain.

“Meaning?”

“You were drifting,” Lana said.

“I was just trying to think.”

“Oh? ‘Bout what?”

“How to get back safely.” Nate knew he shouldn’t tell them, but he needed to tell someone.

The woman looked at him for a bit, “running from or to something, boy?”

“Both, I guess, mostly from.”

“Well then, where are you headed?” Lana asked.

“The hospital, my dads are there but…”

“But?” The man prompted.

“But I’m both lost and terrified of what’ll happen when I get there.”

Lana nodded in sympathy, “you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she offered.

“It’s not that, it’s just… let’s just say there are eyes and ears everywhere and I may have pissed some of them off.”

“That one we can help with,” The guy by Lana declared with a wink.

“How?” Nate asked hopefully.

“Secrets of the trade,” the man said.

“Yeah, powers help,” The woman muttered under her breath, giving the guy an unamused look.

Nate blinked. “Uh, what?”

“He has mild fire control,” the old man explained, putting a steaming bowl of stew in front of Nate and Lana, going back to get more.

“That’s cool. I mean, I’ve seen cooler, but still cool.”

The man gave him a dramatically offended look, “I beg your pardon?”

“Once you see aliens come out a wormhole, there's not much to top it.”

The man shrugged, “I guess.”

_Not to mention my Dad fought them_ _off,_ Nate added mentally.

“Good to see you put down a few notches,” Lana remarked.

“Oh, can it.”

“Make me,” Lana said, picking up her spoon like a weapon.

“I will!” The man declared as he picked up his own spoon.

Nate laughed as Lana whacked the man soundly on the nose. The man gasped in outrage, holding his nose like the overdramatic idiot he so clearly was.

Lana turned her nose up at him before turning to her stew. It was hilarious. “You have outdone yourself this time,” she declared.

“Thank you,” the old man replied.

“Of course.”

“It is pretty good,” the self-declared fire bender added.

“Oh, well, if it passes his majesty’s tests, let me have some,” the woman said sarcastically.

“Rude!”

“Yes.”

“I hate you,” fire dude said teasingly.

“Remind me why I’d care again?” The woman said with mock sweetness.

“Ouch, that was brutal.”

“Isn’t she always?” The old man joked, sitting at the one actual chair at the table.

“Yeah.”

“Are you always like this?” Nate asked as he took a bite of the stew, damn near moaning at the many flavors that burst in his mouth.

“Yes,” Lana told him simply.

“She is,” the guy amended.

“So are you.”

“Not by any means like you.”

“No, but you’re always like this.”

“I am not!” The guy exclaimed dramatically.

“Yes, you are,” the woman replied.

The guy made a face at her.

“Case in point,” Lana said.

“Yes, yes, you've made your point, go twist yourself into a pretzel or something.”

“You two should just kiss already,” the older woman said.

The guy gave her a flat look, “she’s too old for me.” He snickered, bracing himself for the whack. He got kicked instead. “Ow!” He rubbed his shin, giving Lana a kicked puppy look.

“You asked for it,” Lana declared.

“I did no such thing!”

“You did.”

“Move on then!”

“You’re the one dragging it out.”

The guy rolled his eyes, shoving a spoonful of stew into his mouth.

Lana smirked as she took a bite of her own stew.

“Finally, they’re done,” the older woman muttered no-so-quietly.

“Hey!” Fire dude protested.

Lana snickered into her stew, keeping her head down.

“I’ve been betrayed,” he declared dramatically, setting his stew aside so he could flop onto the table and pretend to die.

Everyone rolled their eyes like they were used to his antics. Which was probably true. There was silence as everyone dug in, at least, until another man came in, “Took you long enough, Barney,” Lana said.

“Barney? Like the purple dinosaur?” Nate asked.

Fire dude snickered, “you're a dino, Barney, it’s official.”

“I know,” Barney replied as he sat down.

Lana tossed a spoon to him, “better not be late for being stupid.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“Just checking.”

Barney rolled his eyes. “Of course you are, Lana.”

Lana grinned cheekily in reply.

“You guys are ridiculous,” fire dude said from his supposed death.

“Shut up, Renae,” Barney said.

“Make me.”

A well-thrown salt shaker hit the fire dude in the forehead.

“You’re all against me!” Renae exclaimed.

“Yes, and?” Barney asked in a bored tone.

“Dickhead.”

“At least I have one,” Barney replied.

“Hey!”

“Yes?”

“Imma kill you.”

“You can try.”

“I will!”

“Do it. I dare you.”

“Sleep with one eye open tonight.”

“I do anyway, Ren.”

“Good.”

Barney rolled his eyes, and looked over at Nate, “so what’s your act, kid?”

“Uhh, what?”

“Your act.”

“He’s just passing through, Barnes,” Lana replied.

“Not my name, and what’s the deal?”

“Grandpa found him and invited him in.”

Barney nodded, looking at the old man, “stop bringing in strays, it’s crowded,” he grouched.

“He’s hardly a stray, Barney,” the old man replied.

“So where are your parents, kid?” Barney asked.

“Hospital.”

“Oh?” Barney questioned.

“My Dad got caught in the airport when the bomb went off,” Nate explained.

Barney winced, “heard ‘bout that. Sorry, kid.”

“It’s fine, Dad’s had worse, he’ll be okay.”

“Damn. If he’s seen worse he’s Indiana Jones,” Barney joked.

Nate grinned. “Nah, he’s better than Indiana Jones.”

“Nice.”

“Yep.”

“Is he like a superhero or spy then?” Renae asked.

“Yeah, exactly,” Nate replied.

“Oh?”

“Yep!”

“Which one is he then?” Lana asked, sitting forward just a touch.

“Hawkeye.”

Barney choked on the bite of stew, “what?!” He spluttered.

“Hawkeye,” Nate repeated.

There was a brief silence that Renae broke as Barney went white, “that is very cool.”

“I know,” Nate said with a smirk.

“Eh, ‘Scuse me,” Barney said, getting up quickly.

“Bye, dino!” Lana called.

Barney tossed a hand up over his shoulder in reply as he almost tripped out of the room.

“What’s his deal?” Renae muttered.

Lana whacked him upside the head, “dipshit.”

“Yes, and?”

Lana sighed. “Nevermind, just continue to stuff your face.”

“Gladly.”

The older woman rolled her eyes. “You two are being stupid. Stop it.”

“They’re always stupid,” the old man pointed out.

“Hey!” Renea and Lana cried indignantly at the same time.

“It’s true,” the older woman commented.

“Betrayal,” Renae muttered, going back to his soup.

“Aren’t you used to it?” Lana asked sweetly.

“Go away,” Renae said, feigning annoyance as he shoved her shoulder.

“Make me.”

“I will. I’ll light your hair on fire.”

“I’ll dump ice water all over you.”

“I’ll hug you,” Renae said, one hundred percent serious.

“I dare you.”

Renae grinned, grabbing the girl and crushing her in a hug said, “you dared me.”

“Jackass,” Lana said as she pulled away.

Renae shrugged in response.

Lana scowled, though it was clearly fake.

The old man chuckled, “are you two done now?”

“Are we ever?” Renae asked.

The older woman snorted indelicately, “we can pray.”

“Except that it’ll never work,” Renae replied.

The woman made a noise that was both disagreeing and agreeing.

Lana rolled her eyes.

When Nate finished the last of his stew, the old man looked at him, “Do you want one of us to walk you back to your parents?” He asked, tone soft And kind.

“Would you?” Nate asked hopefully.

“Of course,” the man replied.

“That would be great.”

The man got to his feet, “leave now or later, son?”

“Uh, now?”

“Alright,” the man said taking Nate’s bowl to the sink before heading for the door. “Let’s go then.”

“Grandpa, take Barney with you. He needs to dislodge that stick up his ass,” Renea said.

“I heard that you asshole!” Barney called from the next room.

“It’s true!”

“Whatever, girlie!”

“Jackass!”

“You can insult better and you know it!”

“You don't deserve better!”

“Like hell, I don’t!”

Renae yelled something in french that had the older woman blanching.

“You know what?” Barney asked, appearing in the doorway.

“What?” Renae replied.

“Blow it up your ass!” Barney exclaimed heatedly.

“Make me, Dino.”

Barney threw a small throwing dart that impeded itself right next to where Renae’s hand was on the table, barely a hair from hitting the man. The Frenchmen shrieked and stumbled back.

“You asked for it,” Barney said, fighting a grin. 

“Barney, just take this young lad back to his family and stop torturing Renae,” the old man said.

Barney grimaced, “I- uhh, have stuff to do, Gramps,” he tried weakly.

“Nothing that can’t wait, I’m sure.”

“Gramps,” Barney complained.

“Just take the boy back,” the old man replied, patting Barney on the shoulder before walking away.

Barney opened his mouth to protest, but grimaced, “Renae, you’re coming too, this was your idea.”

“Fine,” Renae said with a shrug.

“Let’s go,” Barney said, the tone just a touch snappish.

Renae seemed entirely unfazed as he shoved his shoes on. Even as Barney shoved him so he stumbled. “Hurry up, Frenchie.”

“Make me, Dinosaur.”

“Ugh.”

“Alright, let’s get the little one home.”

Barney sighed in relief, opening the door to the dimming city, “Took you long enough, Lafayette.”

“Lafayette is great, so ha.” Renae skipped out the door.

“Also, dead,” Barney said after hm, turning to Nate, “c’mon, Nath- Nate, let’s get you back to your parents.”

“Okay,” Nate replied as he walked out onto the street.

Barney shut the door behind him, glancing around much like Clint did whenever in a new place. It was weird.

“This way, morons,” Renae said gesturing for them to follow him.

“We’re coming, Frenchie,” Barney replied, winking at Nate as he pulled a rubber band out of his pocket. Nate grinned as he watched the man twine it across his fingers, thumb, and forefinger extended, then he bent his thumb so the rubber band launched, hitting a light post with a small hollow sound next to the Frenchman, making him jump and whirl around.

“You okay, Frenchie?” Barney asked cheekily.

“American bastard,” Renae declared, turning back around.

Barney smirked as he fished out another rubber band.

“In front of me, now, Barton!” Renae said without turning around.

Nate mouthed the last name, trying to remember if he had given his. He was sure he hadn’t. But still… 

“Make me, ya french bugger,” Barney replied snarkily, but he looked not so happy about the name.

“Just get in front of me or I swear to god.”

Barney sighed heavily, nodding his head at Nate, “c’mon, kid, let’s catch up to the chicken.”

Nate nodded as he picked up his pace. He kept thinking about what Renae had said, and how Barney had replied to being called Barton. He felt like he was missing something obvious. It was annoying and frustrating. He felt like banging his head against a wall or something.

“You good, kid?” Renae asked when he started lagged behind.

“Yeah, fine.”

“M’kay,” Renae said doubtfully.

Nate made a point to keep up after that.

“So how old are you, kid?” Barney asked after a pause.

“Twelve.”

“So, like, seventh grade?”

“Yeah.”

“Any- any siblings or anything?” The man sounded awkward.

“Two, an older sister -well, half-sister- and a younger brother.”

“Yeah, L- er, sounds cool.”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Yeah,” Barney rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.

“Why do you ask?”

“Er, just curious, I guess.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, Dino!” Renae called.

“I’m right next to you, Frenchie, what is it?” Barney replied.

“You excited to meet an avenger?”

Barney cringed visibly, “I- you can take him up, Renae.”

“Oh, c’mon, you’re never gonna get an opportunity like this!”

“I’ve seen Hawkeye before, Renae, so yes, I did, and knowing my luck, will again have this  _ luck _ .”

“Too bad, you’re coming in.”

“Not a chance, Frenchie.”

“You don’t have a choice if you want to keep your eyebrows.”

“Try me, Fire Ass.”

“I will, Dino.”

“No you won’t, you'll surrender like every other Frenchman,” Barney said flatly as they walked through the front doors of the hospital.

“Fuck you!”

“I guess if you really want to,” Barney said with a shrug. “I’ll wait here for you and everything.”

“No, you're coming up with us.”

“No, I’m not, Renae.”

“Yes, you are, Barney.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

“Too bad.”

“Oh c’mon!”

“No,” Barney replied.

“You’re coming up, end of story,” Renae said, grabbing Barney’s arm and tugging him through the hospital.

“First off, you don’t know where you’re going,” Barney said, digging his heels in, “and two, the pre-mentioned encounter left bad blood with the man, so  _ hell no _ !”

“My Dad’s in room number 428,” Nate said unhelpfully.

“Nathanael, shut up,” Barney said sternly.

“How did you know my full name?”

“That was the first name, not the full name,” Barney pointed out nervously.

“Still, how do you know?”

“Lucky guess?”

“That’s what you’re going with?”

“Yes?”

“Whatever,” Nate muttered, not believing the man in the slightest.

Barney sighed in reply, “Renae, I’ll be here when you’re done.”

“You’re coming with us, deal.” Renae crossed his arms stubbornly.

“Frenchie, drop it,” Barney snapped.

“No”

“ _ Renae _ !”

_ “Barney.” _

“I swear to god, I’m staying down here, take Nate up to Cl- Hawkeye.”

“You're coming too.”

“Renae,  _ please _ ,” Barney said, saying the word like it was unfamiliar.

“I’m not letting this go.”

“Renae, I will pay you off for this.”

“Stop whining.”

“I’m not whining, I'm begging.”

“Like that’s any better.”

“It’s not. So listen to me.”

“No,” Renae said stubbornly.

“Renae, take Nate up to his dads now.”

“I never said I had two dads,” Nate piped up.

Barney facepalmed with a sigh.

“Just come up, there might be other Avengers,” Renae said.

Judging by the eye twitch, Barney wasn’t happy about that fact, “I’ll go up, but I am not going in,” he said seriously.

“Sure,” Renae replied, heading for the elevator.

Nate followed by Barney, catching parts of his muttering, “...hope the… doped on drugs… oh god, I’m dead.”

Nate considered commenting but decided against it. Even if he was seriously curious and frankly, skeptical and/or nervous about the older man. There was something familiar and yet completely foreign about him. It was really annoying that he couldn’t figure out what. But the man pinched his lips, and a flash of Clint doing the same thing hit with clarity as Barney leaned against the side of the elevator doors. What the fuck? Weird. And honestly, not something Nate wanted to dwell on.

“You’re staring,” Barney said flatly.

“Huh?” Nate asked.

“You’re staring at me. Why?”

“Uhh, no reason.”

“Jesus you sound like your dad,” Barney sighed.

“You know him?”

A muscle in the man’s jaw twitched, “used to.”

“How’d you meet him?”

“Worked at the same place. Knew his mom,” Barney said shortly.

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“How long ago was it? When you knew him?”

“Long time. He was… damn, can’t remember how old he was,” Barney muttered.

“Oh…”

Barney grimaced, “he was pretty young, kid.”

“What happened between you two?”

“We… had a fight,” Barney replied evasively.

“Why?”

“It was stupid,” Barney said, folding his arms over his chest. “Over money.”

“Money?” That didn’t sound like his Dad, but… well, what did Nate know?

“In a way…”

“Oh.”

“Anyway!” Barney clapped his hands as the doors opened, startling both Nate and Renae, “looks like your guys stop!”

“Yours too,” Renae pointed out, tugging the man out of the elevator.

“Fuck,” Barney muttered as the doors closed behind him.

“You’ll live.”

Barney snorted, “unless Lance kills me,” he mumbled under his breath, earning a look from Nate. He chuckled nervously in reply heading to the door 428. “Here you go, I’ll wait here for the fangirl that is Renae.”

“You’ve gotta come in with me,” Renae insisted.

“Nope. It’ll be more impressive by yourself,” Barney said, shoving the two into the room.

“Dad!” Nate called as he ran over to the hospital bed.

“Mh?” Clint asked, jerking awake, “oh god! Nate!” He cried, he grabbed the boy, dragged him into a hug, “I was so worried- you’re grounded!”

“I’m sorry. I got lost but then I found these guys and they helped me.”

Clint looked over Nate’s shoulder at Renae, “thank you so much for bringing him back.”

Renae looked like he just might die of happiness. “It’s no trouble, Mr. Hawkeye, sir.”

Clint laughed drowsily, “call me Clint, you helped my kid out.”

“Okay, Clint,” Renae squeaked.

Clint couldn’t say anything before Lila yelled, “You were supposed to get a treat, not run off, dumb butt!”

“I got lost!”

“Yeah, we saw that!” Lila said, gesturing at the TV.

“Oh…”

Lila huffed, pulling out her phone, “you’re dead when you,” she said simply. “And don’t even get me started on dad.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not yet you’re not,” Lila said seriously, turning to Renae, “thank you so much, I’m sorry that you had to help in the first place, Mr….”

“Just call me Renae, and it’s not trouble- no trouble, that’s how you say it in English, right?”

“Right,” Lila confirmed, trying to either not check out the man, or do it subtly. Cause hot damn was he cute. And possibly single… hopefully.

“Good,” Renae said with a nod.

Lila grinned at him, putting her phone to her ear, “yeah, he’s here now, Nat,” she said after a moment, only to wince and pull her phone away quickly, “yeaahhhhh…. Dad’s there too, Dad,” she added to Clint.

Barney sighed as he half-listened to the people in the room, what the hell had his life turned into over the course of maybe an hour? He honestly didn’t know what god he had pissed off, but damn, they were pretty damn cruel.

“You can go in, you know,” a deep voice said calmly.

Barney jumped nearly out of his skin. “W-wh-” he started to stammer.

“I said,” the Alpha, who could only be Lance, repeated, “you can go in.”

Barney put a hand to his chest, trying to make his heart start beating again, “I- uh- well- I don’t think that’d be a good idea…”

“Not everything that should be done is a ‘good idea’.”

“He- Clint doesn’t need that right now,” Barney said weakly.

“Then why are you here?” Lance asked with a raised eyebrow. See, this- this was why Barney hated Lance, the guy could guilt-trip, persuade, or whatever the heck out of you until you did what he wanted.

“I kinda got dragged along for the ride,” Barney said with yet another grimace.

“So?”

“So what?”

“So why not at least say hi, Clint’s so doped up he doesn’t know his ups from his downs, so it’s not like he’s gonna be able to hurt you.”

Barney barked out a laugh, “I’m not worried about him hurting me, Lance.”

“Then what are you afraid of?”

“Nothing,” Barney said defensively.

“Right, that’s why you’re hiding in the hallway.”

“No- oh, you bugger.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Yes,” Barney said stubbornly.

Lance raised his eyebrow again, leaning against the wall. “You sure ‘bout that?”

“How’s Connor?” Barney asked to change the subject.

“He’s good, what about you?”

Barney shrugged, “I’m alive. What grade is he in again?”

“Second.”

Barney nodded, “Nath- Nate seems like a handful.”

“You have no idea.”

“So what happened to his hand?”

“Dislocated it after he fell out of a tree.”

Barney grimaced, “ah.”

“Yeah,” Lance said with a heavy sigh, the poor guy looked exhausted.

“Head in, Lance.”

“Hey, this is the first time I’ve met my brother-in-law in person. Let me talk to you for Christ’s sake.”

“But you’re tired,” Barney protested.

“Let me tell you a secret; I’m always tired.”

Barney stopped himself from snickering, “I think that’s part of parenting.”

“It is,” Lance agreed with a small smile, “but I wouldn't trade it for the world.”

“You two okay?” Barney asked suddenly, “I mean, you and Clint?”

“Yeah, it’s been tough since he joined the Avengers since he’s gone even more now, but we make it work. Plus, now he has to come home for a while to recover so bonus.”

“Small blessings?”

“They’re the best ones to look for.”

Barney made a noise of agreeance.

Lance grinned jokingly as he said, “he did threaten to leave me for a Frenchman's harem though.”

“A Frenchman's what?”

“You know how Alphas go through harem phases in their late teens?”

“No I don’t,” Barney said, blinking once in confusion.

“You and Clint I swear. Well, in their late teens, Alphas go through a phase where they have poly relations of a sort. Anyway, Lila hit hers and I got to talk to my  _ dear  _ husband about it, and he made a bunch of jokes about it.”

“Sounds like him,” Barney said.

“Yeah.”

“So how many in her… harem?”

“Two, from what I hear.”

“Fun.”

“Yeah.”

“Nate seems to be a lot like Clint,” Barney said casually.

Lance nodded. “Yeah, it’s a little uncanny sometimes.”

Barney smirked, “yeah, but how’s his aim?”

“Really good.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, and Clint is nothing if not encouraging with it.”

Barney laughed, “ _ that _ is the Clint I remember,” he exclaimed.

“I have no doubt.”

Barney’s expression turned sheepish, “anyway, you better get in.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?”

“I-I’m sure,” Barney said.

Lance nodded. “Alright, if you change your mind, don’t hesitate to get ahold of me.”

“Kay, see ya around, Lance,” Barney replied.

“See ya,” Lance replied before heading into the room.


	10. Still We're Fighting Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Here's another chapter, I hope you like it. I also hope you tell me what you liked about it in the comments. (No, I'm not desperate.) And since my collaborator with this book is very busy, we aren't cranking out chapters near as fast as before, so the updates are probs gonna slow down even more, sorry. But, I have a surprise for you guys in the endnotes, so please read those.

Tony Stark lived in an inconsistent world. One where nothing was permanent and everything was subject to change. Nothing stayed the same for long, people came and went like the seasons, but that was okay. Or at least, that’s what he told himself constantly. But there was one constant, one piece of permanence in his life, and that was James Rhodes. He had been there through the best and the worst, and Tony honestly found himself unable to imagine a life where Rhodey wasn’t there. It was a dangerous state of mind, he knew that, but when someone is in your life for as long as Rhodey had been in his, it's a near-impossible state of mind to avoid. They were practically brothers at this point. If you had asked Tony who he’d want to be stranded on a deserted island with, he’d probably say Rhodey. He had to have  _ someone _ who wouldn’t go absolutely nuts around him. And there was only one person who’d put up with him the most. So yeah, definitely Rhodey.

“So on a scale of one to ten, one being ‘wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole’ and ten being ‘I’d fucking marry it’ where do you rate sour patch kids?” Tony asked with a drunken giggle.

“Negative two,” Rhodey replied without hesitation.

“Really? But I’ve given you a nickname based off of them,” Tony all but whined.

Rhodey rolled his eyes, swirling his glass, “sarcasm, Tony.”

“Ugh,” Tony muttered, sitting back on the couch.

“What? Tapping out already?”

“Hey, you’re talking to the person who got black-out drunk before meeting with senators and having everyone convinced I was sober, of course I’m not fucking tapping out. I’ve barely started!”

Rhodey sighed, “Tony, no one thought you were sober. Ever.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m serious.”

Tony stuck his tongue out in response.

“You suck at being drunk.”

Tony huffed. “Whatever, you’ve just never seen me at board meetings. I’m killer at pretending to be sober at those shitty things.”

“How long has it been since you’ve been to a board meeting, Tones?” Rhodey pointed out.

“Last month.”

“Six months,” Rhodey corrected.

“Whatever- wait, seriously? It’s been that long?”

“Yes, Tony, it has.” Rhodey the morose drunk, said.

“Huh.”

“Yep.”

Tony topped off his glass. “Well, that’s why Pepper broke up with me.”

“That and more.”

“Don’t I know it,” Tony muttered, downing the contents of his cup and refilling it in the span of a second.

“Ease up there, Tones.”

“No.”

“Fine, your liver, not mine. Just tell me if you’re dying this time.”

“Physically, mentally, or emotionally?”

“Physically. You do the rest anyway.”

Tony smirked. “I also commit Capslaughter.”

“Huh?”

Tony laughed. “Cap has decided I’m going to kill him.”

“If it’s a choice between the two of us? Yes.”

Tony waited until Rhodey was in the middle of a long drink before saying. “Also, we fucked.”

Rhodey made an inhuman noise as he choked on his tequila, “w-what?” He spluttered finally.

“We fucked,” Tony repeated, completely straight-faced.

Rhodey kept coughing but managed to gasp out, “since when?!”

“Yesterday morning.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ!”

Tony shrugged. “We’re consenting adults, we do what we want.” He regretted that choice of words, he’d said them before, and it hadn’t exactly panned out and he fucking knew Rhodey would bring it up.

“One, you waited for me to take a drink, and two, heard that before, Tony.”

“Steve isn’t Ty, Rhodey.”

“He better not be.”

“He’s not! Besides, it’s not going anywhere. Steve is an all-American slice of apple pie. And I’m me.”

“Hey, Hey, Miss American Pie,” Rhodey started singing quietly.

“Shut it,” Tony said, shoving the other man.

Rhodey snickered, “alright, alright.”

“Any other complaints about my choice in sexual partners?”

“You have terrible choice.”

“Oh yeah? What about that one Beta you dated? What was her name? Clarissa? She was certifiable.”

“You called her a man on many occasions!”

“She looked like one!”

“She did not!”

“She did!”

“Whatever!”

“Also, what about your college girlfriend? She was…” Tony trailed off with a shudder.

“We don’t bring that woman up,” Rhodey said seriously, “and do you want me to start on your sexcapades?”

“I plead drunkenness and highness. What’s your excuse?”

“Soberness and kindness.”

“That’s your excuse for choosing psychos?”

“They weren’t- Myia wasn’t psycho!”

“She slept with your cousin.”

“...I can’t say that didn't happen, but that was before we got together.”

Tony snickered. “And?”

“Shuddup.”

“Make me, smartass.”

“I’ll revoke your booze rights.”

“You wouldn’t,” Tony said, clutching his glass to his chest.

“I would.”

“Now you’re just being mean,” Tony complained with a small pout.

“And bringing up the people I’ve slept with isn’t mean?” Rhodey asked flatly.

“You brought up Ty first!”

“You did! I just said Rogers better not be like him!”

“You implied it.”

“Implied what?”

“Ty!”

“Whatever, Tony.”

“Ugh.”

Rhodey sighed, sipping his drink.

“Anyway, shitty relationships aside, what have you been up to?”

“Government stuff, mostly, you?”

“Building an apparently suicidal robot.”

Rhodey snorted, “sounds like you.”

Tony rolled his eyes, but otherwise chose not to comment. He really didn’t think it was all that funny.

“So what went wrong?”

Tony shrugged. “I wish I knew, it probably had something to do with the emotion simulation.”

“Or it took after you a little too much.”

“Do I come across as suicidal to you?” Tony asked- tone almost accusing- as he blinked at the other man.

“Depends on the day,” Rhodey replied seriously.

Tony thought for a brief moment. “Fair.”

“Not really, but whatever.”

“Oh?”

“Life ain’t fair, so why would anything be?”

“True.”

“Yep.” Rhodey took another sip.

Tony nodded as he also took a drink.

“So how is he?”

“Gotta be more specific than that, Rhodey.”

“Rogers.”

“Like, in bed?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rhodey groaned, “Tony, no.”

“Tony, yes.”

“Tony. No.”

“Tony. Yes.”

“Tony,  _ no.” _

“You’re no fun.”

Rhodey sighed.

“Regardless, he’s fine from what I gather.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you met anyone recently?”

“Meh. Off and on things.”

“Fun,” Tony deadpanned.

“If you say so.”

“I do, sarcastically.

“Oh joy.”

“I am a joy, thanks for noticing.”

Rhodey rolled his eyes.

Tony grinned cheekily in response.

Rhodey rubbed his face with one hand, “why? Why are you… this way?”

“I live solely to raise your blood pressure,” Tony said seriously.

“No shit.”

Tony grinned, “at least I’m good at something.”

“Tony,” Rhodey said exasperatedly.

“Yes, sour patch?”

“Don’t do this right now.”

“Do what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Being dumb about yourself.”

“I’m not being dumb about myself.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Nope.”

“Yep.”

Tony pouted slightly, “I am not!”

“Tony, yes, you are,” Rhodey said, unfazed and used to the pouting.

Tony scoffed, “No.”

“Yes.”

“Ugh.”

“Yep.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Tony debated throwing the remainder of his drink on Rhodey. After about point two seconds, he gave into the urge.

“Hey!” Rhodey protested, jumping away and up. Only to stumble.

Tony laughed, careening dangerously off of the edge of the couch, he only just managed to catch himself before he fell.

“Jackass!”

“You knew this when you met me,” Tony said with a grin.

“Ugh!”

“You know you love me.”

“Debatable.”

“Wow. Rude.”

“Yep.”

“I should’ve stayed in France,” Tony grumbled.

“What?” Rhodey asked in mock offense.

“You heard me, sour patch,” Tony said, sticking his nose in the air.

“Ugh. Fine, go back and leave me.”

“No, I’m comfortable.”

“Then stop bitching.”

“Make me,” Tony parrotted.

“Ugh.”

Tony grinned cheekily as he refilled his glass.

“Bastard,” Rhodey muttered, even as he dumped his own glass on Tony’s head.

Tony laughed as he shook his hair out like a dog.

“Ah!” Rhodey said, stepping back and holding his hands out like he could block the droplets hitting him.

Tony laughed again in response.

“Agh!”

“You know you love me.”

“On occasion.”

“Special occasions.”

“Birthdays.”

“Holidays.”

“When I need money.”

“Or a place to stay when your heating cuts out. Which is, like, every six months at least.”

“Oh, shut up, it’s not that common.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Whatever.”

Tony smirked in lieu of a verbal reply.

Rhodey rolled his eyes, “It does not.”

“It does too.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Whatever.”

“You know I’m right.”

Rhodey didn’t answer, and when Tony looked over, he saw the bugger had passed out on the couch. Tony huffed, pulling out his phone. He needed some entertainment. Maybe he could bug Steve? He smirked, tugging his shirt off, taking a picture to send.

_ Hey, Cap, what’s up?  _ He typed out, sending it along with the picture.

The reply came a few minutes later, and he could hear Steve’s nervousness in the husky voice he assigned as he read it in his head  **Tony, what are you doing?**

_ Hanging out, you? _

**Working out, paused to answer.**

_ Oh? Paused just for little old me? _

**And water.**

_ Ouch. And here I thought I was special. You would me, Cap. _

**Wound?**

_ Yeah, that’s what I meant. _

**Okay.**

_ Anyway, figurative wounds aside, I’m bored and have selected you as my victim- err, source of entertainment. _

**Oh no.**

_ Excuse me? I’m a joy to talk to. At least try to show some enthusiasm. _

**I’d show you if you were here with me.**

_ Jeez, didn’t know this came with a five-foot radius.  _

**?**

_ You can show enthusiasm through text! _

**Alright, Alright, I was just teasing!**

_ I sincerely hope so. _

**So what's up? I thought you were with Rhodes.**

_ The bastard passed out on me. He’s such a lightweight. _

**How many bottles did you two have?**

Tony took a second to count the empty bottles.  _ That would be five beers, one tequila, and, like, half a vodka  _

**That’s not lightweight, I could get buzzed on that.**

_ Compared to me? Yeah, he’s a lightweight.  _

**Whatever.**

_ Hey, look at you! Using modern slang! Next thing you know you’ll be using text language! Or emojis! _

**I know you can’t hear the sigh, but know that it’s happening.**

_ Duly noted and ignored. _

**Of course it is.** Tony got a picture attached to the text of Steve in a tight, form-fitting tee shirt that hugged his sweaty body just right, and that easy grin was god. He spent a full minute just admiring it before replying.

_ How long did it take you to figure out the camera button? _

**Oh, haha.**

_ Yep. I’m hilarious. At the very least, you have nice abs. _

**You can come check me out in person if you want to see more ;)**

_ Is that- I think it is- you used an emoticon! Oh, I’m so proud! _

**Just because I don’t use them with you doesn’t mean I don’t use them, Stark.**

_ You don’t use them with me? Oh, I’m so hurt. I thought we were friends, Rogers. _

**We’ve screwed, we’re more than friends.**

_ Fuck buddies. _

**Works for me.**

_ Do you actually know what that means? _

**We fuck, and there’s no real feelings besides friends.**

_ I’m so proud of you. You know modern terms. Isn’t it so exciting to finally know what people are talking about? _

**Oh shut up.**

_ Have you met me? I don't shut up. _

**Sadly.**

_ What? You upset that you will never be able to beat me in a verbal fight? _

**As if you could beat me in any sort of fight… that doesn’t relate to tech.**

_ Bitch, please. _

**Fine, try me.**

_ But you’re all the way in the tower. _

**Then accept defeat.**

_ Before we get to that point, I have only one question. _

**Oh?**

_ Have you met me? _

**Yes.**

_ Could’ve fooled me. _

**Why?**

_ Because you told me to accept defeat. _

**I said ‘then’ accept defeat.**

_ Because that’s sooo much better. _

**You don’t have to if you fight for it.**

_ I’m too much of a lazy brat for that. _

**Then you have been defeated.**

_ Until I decide it's worth it, Stevie. _

**Nope. You lose. Now I’ve gotta go shower.**

_ Mmm, do I get pictures of that too? _

**No, but you can come over and watch.**

_ Tempting. _

**Isn’t it just?**

_ But again, you’re talking to the laziest brattiest person in history. _

**You have the suit, I know you do, so you can fly, Dumbass.**

_ I know, but the tower is in Manhattan and Rhodey’s flat is in *shudder* Staten Island. _

**Guess I’m showering alone then.**

_ Fuck it. I’m on my way. _

**Good.**

Tony sighed heavily as he got up, summoning his suit to him. Damn, flying this ‘tipsy’ was gonna be a thing. “J, how’s my autopilot looking?”

“On standby, sir.”

“Turn it on and get me to the tower without crashing into the empire state building.”

“Just the empire state building, sir?”

“No, but that’s the most important.”

“Of course, sir.”

Tony took off, making sure autopilot was enabled. It was, thank god. He got to the tower within ten minutes. And out of the suit to Steve’s level in five. He waltzed into the bathroom like he owned the place, which he did. “You in here yet, Stevie boy?”

“Right behind you,” Steve purred, his arms coming around Tony’s waist. “Took you long enough.”

“Did it?” Tony asked innocently.

“Yes,” Steve replied before biting Tony’s ear, tugging on it slightly as he pulled away.

“Aw, did the big bad Alpha get a case of the blue balls?” Tony asked with a mocking pout.

He could hear Steve’s eye roll, “at least I don’t reek.”

“You’re sweaty and gross,” Tony stated.

“So hence the shower, but now I see you actually need one too.”

Tony scowled, “so I’ve been drinking a little more than usual. Big deal. You don’t need to comment on it.” He had been drinking a lot more than usual lately, but he wasn't going to admit it.

“C’mon,” Steve said, helping him lift his shirt over his head.

“Don’t you want a striptease?” Tony asked cheekily, fiddling with the hem of Steve’s shirt.

“You’re drunk off your ass,” Steve replied, as he tugged his own shirt off.

“I am, thanks for noticing.”

“So that’s not in the picture right now.”

“Why not?” Tony asked, crossing his arms. “My sobriety doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. That’s rape if I do right now. So no.”

Tony scoffed. “I’ve had plenty of drunk one night stands, it’s not a big deal.”

“I’m not one of them,” Steve said, turning the water on, but he kept his pants on. For now.

“You practically are. Just long term.”

“So I’m a long term thing to you?” Steve asked, tone edging on hopeful.

“Well, in terms of a one night stand, yeah.”

“Oh.” Steve’s shoulders slumped- just a fraction of an inch.

“What?” Tony asked, tilting his head.

“Nothing,” Steve shook his head, “anyway, you need to shower and so do I, okay?”

“Uh, okay?”

Steve turned, shucking off his pants and boxers before stepping into the steaming water, sighing contently. Tony quickly followed suit, arms still crossed. This was not what he had signed up for. He had signed up for shower sex, not this. This was more… intimate. Especially when Steve started washing him, the washcloth a little rough on his skin. It felt good though. It was mildly frustrating when his muscles started to relax without his express permission. That he leaned into Steve’s chest as that washcloth started on his arms. It was completely unfair that this had such an effect on him. He wanted to be mad. He really did, but then Steve pressed soft kisses to the side of his neck and all attempts at anger flew out the window, and Tony completely melted against him. “You’re gorgeous, Tony,” Steve said softly.

“Says the definition of human perfection,” Tony breathed.

“Everything about you is beautiful,” Steve said, kissing just under the Omega’s ear.

Tony moaned, tilting his head to the side, about as close to a show of submission as he’d ever gotten with Steve. With anyone. It was almost instinct.

Steve nipped his neck lightly, not enough to mark, but he felt it. “So amazing,” Steve said soothingly.

Tony sighed, he had to actively try not to allow himself to actually submit. Ugh, why did Steve have this effect on him?

The washcloth was replaced with Steve’s hands, rubbing his muscles that he didn’t even know were sore and aching. God fucking damn the Alpha. Tony was supposed to be mad.

“Such pretty hair,” Steve murmured as he shampooed the Omega’s hair, massaging his scalp in the process, “everything about you on amazing, Tony.”

“Says a literal icon.”

“I don’t care, because you’re better,” Steve replied simply.

“Bullshit,” Tony murmured.

“Why would I lie about this?” Steve asked, pressing a kiss to Tony’s cheek after turning him around to face him.

“Not lying, just wrong.” Tony figured his words would have had a lot more impact if he hadn’t been so relaxed.

Steve kissed him gently, pulling away just enough to say, “no, not with this, Omega.”

“What have I said about calling me that?” Tony asked, his eyes flashing.

Steve winced, “I’m sorry,” he said.

“You fucking better be.”

“I am, Tony,” Steve said, running a hand through his own hair, slicking it back at an odd angle.

“Oh my god,” Tony said, reaching up and fixing it. “Can you not go five minutes without messing up your hair?”

Steve chuckled, “sorry, but to be fair, we’re in a shower, it doesn’t have to be perfectly styled.”

“No, but you don’t have to look like Alfalfa or Ferris Bueller either.”

“What?”

“Movie references, two characters with shitty hair. Moving on.”

“Mhm,” Steve sounded.

Tony nodded, messing with Steve’s hair a bit more, spurred on as Steve chuckled lowly.

“Is this a fetish?” Steve teased. “Messing with my hair?”

“No,” Tony said distractedly. “it just won’t stay where I put it.”

Steve shook his head like a dog, turning off the water as he grinned.

Tony made a show of pouting. “You just ruined all my hard work.”

Steve laughed, the sound low, “c’mon, dressed and bed.”

“I’m not tired,” Tony lied.

“I know from your coffee intake that you are, in fact, always tired, c’mon,” Steve said dismissively, “or I’ll just carry you.”

“I am not always tired,” Tony grumbled as he got out of the shower.

“Sure, Stark,” Steve said, fondly exasperated.

“I’m not,” Tony all but whined.

Steve picked him up, not even bothering to towel off before walking out and putting him on the bed, snuggling next to him. “I’m sure, now sleep, doll.”

Tony took a moment to process the endearment. “Doll?”

When he looked over, Steve was looking at the sheets, embarrassed, “sorry, it just slipped out, Tony.”

“Where did it come from?”

Steve shrugged, tugging the blanket over them, “nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“No. Tell me.” Tony propped himself up on his elbow, looking at Steve.

Steve sighed, “I dunno, it’s just what you’d call… you know, dames, and I slipped up… sorry.”

Tony chuckled, oh he had this one wrapped around his finger.

“Sorry,” Steve mumbled again, still looking at the sheets, but a faint blush crept onto his cheeks. “I promise I won’t call you it again.”

“Knowing your track record, yes you will,” Tony teased.

“Well, It’ll be a slip-up,” Steve said, a bit of his accent coming out.

“Or you could just use that accent and I’ll be too turned on to care,” Tony replied with a smirk.

Steve looked up, startled, “huh?”

“Your accent. It’s hot.”

“O-oh.” And there was the stammering virgin symbol of Captain America.

“You know, you’re really lucky you’re cute.”

“Shut up,” Steve groaned.

“You should know by now that I don’t.”

“You have your moments,” Steve said slyly, though he was still the fucking annoying poster child, eyes down, cheeks red, of a virgin.

“Are you sure you’re not a virgin, Cap?”

“You  _ know _ I’m not a fucking virgin, Tony.” 

“You positive though? I mean, you sure act like it.”

“I was blushing, Tony!” Steve huffed, “you do too!”

“Yeah, but I’m not the fucking poster child of a monastery when I do.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “dear god above, Tony, shut up.”

“We’ve been over this. I don’t.”

Steve’s lips twitched into a smirk, “you sure?” He asked lowly.

“Yeah,” Tony said cockily.

“I don’t think so,” Steve said, tugging him into a kiss.

Tony kissed back for a moment. “Well, you’re wrong.”

“Am I?”

“Yes.”

“Mhm, I suppose moaning isn’t being quiet, my point is moot.”

“Jackass. That is not what we’re talking about.”

“Just proving a point. Or trying to.”

“More like failing miserably.”

Steve shrugged, the muscles of his shoulders bunching in a godly way. “If you say so.”

“I do,  _ Alpha, _ ” Tony said, ignoring the way his mouth dried up when Steve had shrugged.

Steve growled lowly, “careful, Stark.”

“Have you met me? Reckless is my M.O.”

Steve huffed, flopping onto his back, “you’re not making anything easy, Tony.”

“That’s the idea. I can’t wait to see what it takes to get you running with your tail tucked between your legs,” Tony said with a smirk.

“You’re in my room, it’d be me kicking you out. Naked.”

“You say that like I’d actually give a shit.”

“Nat would. And she’d be vocal about it,” Steve remarked, one arm looping around Tony, pulling him close possessively.

“You are aware that there are sex tapes of me out there, right?

Steve growled, the sound dangerous enough to set Tony’s hair on end, “yeah. I know,” he said tersely.

“Hey, you knew what you were getting into when you kissed me. I’m Tony fucking Stark. Bratty slutty playboy.”

Steve’s grip tightened around his shoulders in response. The action practically screamed ‘mine’.

“Stop acting like you own me, Rogers.”

Steve huffed a breath through his nose, “sorry,” he muttered, not sounding sorry at all.

Tony smirked. “No, you’re not.”

“At all,” Steve said, looking at the ceiling for a long time, “how about a compromise?”

“Oh?”

“Fuck buddies, but no sleeping with other people for a week within fucking each other?”

“A week?” Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I won’t smell the others as much,” Steve said simply. “Don’t know where they’ve touched you.”

“Fine, but you can’t complain if I come back here smelling like someone else if it’s been that supposed week.”

“I’ll know if it hasn’t been a week,” Steve warned, hand tightening on Tony’s shoulder. “So please, don't do supposed week to me.”

“No shit you’ll know, my point still stands though.”

“Deal.”

“Deal,” Tony agreed.

Steve kissed his hair, sighing, “but for now, sleep, m’kay?”

“I’ll get there eventually.”

“Tony,” Steve said gently, rubbing his back gently. Soothingly.

“Steve,” Tony shot back.

Steve rolled his eyes, tucking Tony to his chest, and the Omega could hear his slow steady heartbeat. It was relaxing, combined with that hand. It didn’t take long to fall asleep to that.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

A month. That’s what it took for Clint to be healed enough to start training. Long enough to get used to the Barton children in the tower, Lance and Clint shared his level, the three children the level below (not that Lila was there often). It had been two weeks since Kate was found alive after her father confessed to human experimentation. He had since been removed from world councilman, but… there was the issue of Kate. Steve had gotten more and more pissed every time Tony had gone out, coming back smelling like some random person, and the gym had suffered because of it.

Loki had moved in too, Odin had sent him to earth to make amends, limited extremely in magic, unless it was to aid the Avengers and SHIELD. Kate had moved into the tower too, to be helped as much as she could since being injected with the serum, and to figure out what had happened to her. She had more or less become a walking corpse, unable or unwilling to be around many people, and she had lost weight. The girl had been one hundred forty pounds, but had withered to just under a hundred, which Banner was trying to find out the reason for.

On a lighter note, Lance certainly helped keep everyone on a somewhat healthy schedule. He was currently trying to get to wane Tony off coffee, “Tony, no, you’ve had two cups today, no more,” Lance said, putting a hand on the coffee pot as the Omega grabbed for it again. It was one of their Saturday breakfasts with everyone, even Lila, though she looked half asleep still.

“Have you seen my to-do list?” Tony asked. “It’s monstrous, let me have my god juice.”

Steve gave him a look. “You wouldn’t need so much coffee if you didn’t go out all the time and then stay out until all hours of the night.”

Tony scoffed, “oh, so I’m just some teenager who needs a curfew now? Newsflash, Rogers, I’m more than capable of taking care of myself. I don’t need any of you knothead Alphas helicoptering everything I do.”

Steve opened his mouth, already looking angry, when Lance said, “Steve, go take a walk, calm down.”

“Fine,” Steve bit out and marched out of the room.

Lance slapped Tony’s hand when he reached, trying to be discreet, for the coffee, “no, you’re done. No more coffee”

“Fuck off,” Tony said with an eye roll. “I need my coffee.”

“No, you need the dependence of the coffee, bug off.”

“I do not! Coffee is my lifeblood.”

“Tony,” Lance said sternly. 

“Look, Lance, I’m going to get my coffee one way or another, so I suggest you just give in,” Tony said, jutting out his chin defiantly.

“Fine, you can walk your ass down to Starbucks to sell your soul,” Lance replied simply.

“I don’t need to,” Tony said with a smirk.

Lance gave him a look that screamed ‘I will ground your ass’- he had a lot of practice with Lila, “no, you won’t, you’ll deal for the week.”

Tony laughed. “Oh, that’s adorable.”

“He’s not joking,” Lila said dully, having not gotten any coffee that morning. “Trust me, Starkie.”

“Oh, I know. I just think it’s adorable he thinks he can actually stop me.”

Lance smirked, “Tony, you have a smart home, I can’t even start about how easy it is for people to f-screw,” he glanced at Connor, “with settings. Especially Nate.”

“First of all, it’s not a smart home, it’s AI-enabled, second of all, J is loyal to me and he has to do what I say.”

“Actually, Sir,” JARVIS piped up.

“...What?”

“You created me to be loyal to whom were specified, Lance Barton is one of those people. And if for your health, I can disregard your orders.”

“Son of a bitch. God, I’d be so pissed if I wasn’t so damn proud of you, J.”

“Language,” Lance reminded, gesturing to Connor, who was still pretty out of it.

“Thank you, sir,” JARVIS said.

Tony sighed, running a hand over his face. “Why do I let you in here again?” He asked Lance. “All you do is make us take care of ourselves.”

“Oh gee, imagine that, Earth’s first line of defense being good and taking care of themselves,” Lance said sarcastically.

“Have you met me?” Tony asked. “I’m not good.”

“At anything,” Clint piped up.

“Oh, aren’t you hilarious?” Tony asked mockingly.

“I’m a stand-up comedian,” Clint said dryly, snatching the coffee pot.

“Yeah, but the only person who shows up is Lance,” Tony shot back.

Clin shrugged, “at least he doesn’t limit my coffee intake,” he said snarkily.

“Careful, Clint,” Lance said, “you’re giving me ideas.”

“C’mon,” Clint said cheekily, “you wouldn’t deprive a cripple, would you?”

“You underestimate me.”

Clint gasped in mock shock before chugging his coffee mug, refilling it, “Nah, I estimate you just enough.”

“Do You now?” Lance asked with a raised eyebrow.

”Yep. Cause fifth cup, hun.” He winked over the rim as he sipped the straight black coffee.

Lance calmly snatched Clint’s mug. “Then I guess I better cut you off then, right, sweetie?”

Clint just snatched Nat’s, taking a long swig, “eh, won’t do anything to stop me.”

“We’ll see,” Nat said, taking her coffee back.

“I backwashed,” Clint said simply.

“It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last,” Nat said, taking a sip.

“Ew,” Lila remarked with a yawn, pushing her empty plate to the side to put her head on the table, eyes closed.

“Well, now that one decent person is down for the count, I’m gone,” Tony said, heading for his lab. 

“Be up for dinner,” Lance called after him. He left no room for arguments.

“I’ve got a meeting at SI at dinnertime,” Tony called back.

“Lunch then.”

“Oh,” Nat added, “And could you check the AC in the training room? It was acting up yesterday.”

“Whatever,” Tony waved a dismissing hand, “working on things, it’ll wait till I don’t.”

“At least look at it today. I don’t want to freeze then melt again.”

“So much for a hardened assassin,” Clint muttered with a knowing look. “It can wait for a bit, can’t it?” He smirked cheekily.

“I never said I can’t handle it, just that I’d rather not.”

“Russian baby.”

“Legolas wannabe.”

“Spider bitch.”

“Merida fake.”

“Side product of red and the wolf.”

“Caveman.”

“Whiny brat.”

“Guys, ” Lance said, “can we not?”

“No,” They said at the same time.

Lance gave them an unimpressed look.

Clint grinned at him. “Aw, what’s wrong, Babe?”

“I’m married to a child.”

“Cool, Peter Pan lives,” Clint remarked.

“You’re not Peter Pan.”

“He’s blond,” Banner said as he got up. “I’ve gotta run a few tests, I’ll see you later.”

“Bye, the only sensible one here.”

Banner sighed, “I know, I know I am.”

“And I appreciate it.”

“I’m glad one of us does,” Banner said as he walked to the elevators.

“I’ve gotta run too,” Nat said, getting up. “Bye.” She walked out of the kitchen.

“Can I come?” Nate called as Lila wordlessly got up, probably to go back to bed.

“Sure, Nate, feel free.”

Nate grinned, hopping up, quickly followed by a tired-looking Connor, who had been attached to his hip the whole time they had been there, “cool.”

A few minutes later, Kate slipped into the kitchen, eyes darting around the room. She was wearing a dark grey hoodie that went to her mid-thigh, making her seem even more thin as she lowered her eyes to the ground, walking for the pantry.

“Hey, Kate,” Clint said.

Kate glanced at him, giving a small wave. Even though she tried to hide it, she had flinched when he spoke suddenly.

“Do you want something to eat?” Lance asked gently. “I made some eggs earlier if you want some.”

Kate seemed to consider it before nodding shallowly.

Lance smiled and got her a plate of food.

She slid into a seat after grabbing a cup of water, far down the table from the couple.

“Did you sleep any last night?” Lance asked.

Kate looked at her plate as she shrugged. The girl looked exhausted. Her pale skin did nothing to hide the bags under her eyes, nor the hoodie to hide the way her whole body seemed to slump. All in all, she looked worse then Tony did after three all-nighters in a row.

Lance shrugged, deciding not to push it as Kate picked at her food, eating a little slowly.

“ _ And you _ ?” Kate signed.

“I slept just fine.”

Kate nodded, looking down at her plate.

Lance smiled at her gently before turning to his own food.

Clint bit his lip, glancing at Lance. Who raised his eyebrow in response. ‘What do I do,’ he mouthed.

‘How should I know?’ Lance mouthed back.

Clint sighed quietly, resisting the urge to facepalm.

Lance gave him a helpless look in reply.

‘I hate you,’ Clint mouthed.

‘I hate me too.’

Clint gave him an unamused look. Lance grinned cheekily in reply. Clint huffed. Lance went back to his food. Clint kept trying to think of something to say, cause geez, what do you say to the girl who got tortured because you fucked up? Sorry doesn’t cut it. At all. In any way. So Clint was essentially screwed. Ugh, kill him now. He wasn’t cut out for existence. He needed Nat here or something. Lance was too nice to kill him.

‘ _ I can leave,’  _ Kate signed, looking guiltily at him.

“No, you’re fine,” Clint said quickly.

_ ‘Sure _ ,’ Kate signed.

“You are.”

Kate hesitated, ‘ _ K.’ _

“Yep,” Clint said, feeling extremely awkward. Judging by Kate’s fidgeting, she was too. Lance looked like he was trying not to laugh. The bastard.

‘ _ Did,’  _ Kate signed, pausing _ , ‘you sleep well?’ _

“Well enough.”

Kate nodded. Clint looked down at his plate with a discreet grimace.

Lance sighed, “alright, this is getting old you two,” he said in his best dad voice.

“What?” Clint asked, looking up at his husband.

“You two are being dumb, not you, honey,” He said to Kate gently, “much.”

“Hey! Deliberate favoritism!” Clint whined.

“Yes,” Lance said leaning back in his seat. “I get that you feel like shit about everything, but you can’t look at her without being more awkward than when I met you, so let’s address things. Finally.”

“I wasn’t that awkward when I met you!”

“It was painful, and not the point.”

“Ugh.”

“You done?” Lance asked, giving him an unamused look.

“Yeah,” Clint muttered.

“Good, ‘cause we‘re moving on.”

“Whatever.”

Lance looked at him, nodding to Kate.

Clint gave him a clueless, slightly panicked look.

“I am so sorry about him,” Lance said to the girl _. _

_ “It’s fine,”  _ Kate signed.

“No, it’s really not, don’t excuse him for his stupidity.”

“Lance!” Clint complained.

“It’s true, honey.”

“Yeah, but you don’t need to be so rude about it.”

“You need the frying pan to the face sometimes.”

“I thought you loved me,” Clint whined.

“I do, sweetie.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Moving on, you baby,” Lance said with an eye roll.

_ “Are you guys always like this?”  _ Kate asked. Both men froze, looking at the girl in surprise. She hadn’t moved her hands… and that wasn’t silent.

“What the fuck?” Clint muttered.

Kate looked down, wincing.

“Kate?” Lance asked gently.

Kate’s eyes flicked up once before back to her plate.

“Kate, what was that?” Lance asked softly, kindly.

Kate shrugged, rubbing her arm sheepishly.

“You don’t know?” Lance clarified.

_ “I,” _ Kate signed, pausing, “ _ I do.” _

“Can you tell us what it is?”

Kate bit her lip,  _ “t-e-l-e-p-a-t-h-y.” _

“That’s awesome,” Clint said after processing the answer.

Lance really wanted to hit him when you could tell Kate had pulled in on herself.

“Uhh, that is, um, it’s, uh, shit. Just ignore me,” Clint said, trying to backtrack.

“ _ Fine, _ ” Kate signed.

Lance sighed. His husband was really freaking stupid. Especially right now. Sometimes he wanted to just smack him upside the head. This was one of those times, so he did.

“Ow!” Clint grumbled, rubbing his ear.

“You deserved it.”

“I know, but still!”

“You’ll live.”

Clint muttered a few choice words about Lance as he rubbed his ear.

Kate, to her credit, looked like she was trying not to laugh. So Clint hadn’t screwed this up completely. Thank god. “I apologize for the violence,” Lance said jokingly.

“Except you’re not sorry,” Clint muttered resentfully.

“I am somewhat.”

“Whatever.”

“Moving on.”

“To?”

“Better things,” Lance said exasperatedly.

“You do that.”

Lance gave him a pointed look.

“Let me be bitter, Lance.”

“No.”

“Ugh, why did I marry you?”

“You know why, so please stop being not smart.”

“Not smart? There are better ways to say that.”

“I’m  _ trying _ to not be very rude.”

“Must be a struggle for you.”

Lance wanted to hit his head on something as he sighed.

“I know that sigh. Don’t bang your head on the table please.”

Lance rubbed his eyes. “Why do you exist?”

“To annoy the hell out of you obviously.”

“Jesus Christ,” Lance sighed, jumping slightly as Kate dumped her dishes in the sink. Damn, that girl was quiet.

“Pretty sure he has nothing to do with this,” Clint replied.

“Barton, shut up.”

“Are you talking to yourself?”

Lance sighed again, “please just- Kate, I’m going with you.”

“Traitor.”

“Do the dishes please,” Lance said as he got up.

“Only because I love you and you work too hard as it is.”

“Thank you,” Lance said, trailing behind Kate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my surprise to you all is I'm gonna start posting a new book! Now, I've got two main contenders, so I'll let you guys tell me which one you want. Note, most likely all my books will eventually be posted, so don't worry if your choice isn't selected.  
> I've chosen to choose a song that in my opinion encompasses either the general tone or a character arc or a major plot point and put them here, let you listen to them and decide which one you like best, so here we go:
> 
> Savages by Marina and The Diamonds  
> Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls


End file.
